anybody else here just accepted you are a failure/loser in everything?

[coop36]

Working as a supply teacher at 36, working in agencies. Sacked from my most recent long term supply job there recently for generally being crap. 1 of many. Live in a bedsit, no pension, no relationship-many rejections etc. Before teaching was fired from many jobs too.

Lining paycheque to cheque and just nothing going for me but coming to the realisation that this is it.

It must be very worrying to feel that you are completely lost. Clearly teaching isn't right for you, so what would you like to do? Would you like to work with animals, or work outside, or be a support worker for disabled people? Might you be better in a more directed, hands-on job like manufacturing or Amazon warehousing?

Do you have any hobbies or interests that make you happy? Is there some way you could work in one of those areas?

I used to teach, but I wouldn't teach in schools now if you paid me. You might feel like a bit of a loser right now, but that doesn't mean it has to define the rest of your life.

Clearly teaching isn't right for you, so what would you like to do

problem was that before teaching i was fired from loads of jobs too.

I don't think life (or relationships) is a success vs failure situation, but viewing it that way causes distress.

Other than your very negative self-image, is there something in particular that you struggle with in workplaces that means you leave jobs? A reason you do agency work?

Other than your very negative self-image, is there something in particular that you struggle with in workplaces that means you leave jobs? A reason you do agency work

just generally being crap, fucking up somewhere. The criteria is too broad to narrow it down. It's like asking why people drink too much, overeat-the criteria is usually too broad to have an answer. I do agency work because no school would hire me i'm that incompetent.

@coop36

Clearly teaching isn't right for you, so what would you like to do

problem was that before teaching i was fired from loads of jobs too.

But for what specific reason though? Timekeeping? Speed of work? Behaviour towards colleagues? Errors? Getting drunk in reception?

What specifically?

just been inadequate so in a bookies not getting the instructions, not doing homework. In construction being useless. Teaching generally the same-just being useless at everything. It's hard to articulate here because I think I am in a minority and most people don't get us. They just don't see what the problem is or why we are so incompetent and generally useless at life.

I get it OP. I’m much older than you but I have been let go from 5 jobs due to “restructuring “ , have no savings because was unemployed for many months each time I’m let go. My house needs lots of repairs but can’t afford them as I’m making less money now and have other bills. Had two long term relationships end due to cheating, and have been in an on/off relationship and single for a decade now.

I really feel like I’ve failed at life. And at my age it prob won’t change. But you’re still young, you could retrain and get a better paid job. If I was younger I would definitely retrain or get certified in something else.

but from working in warehouses, construction, bookies I've been fired/managed out of them all.

"Just generally being crap" is not an answer and would not be the explanation all these varied sectors gave you for dismissal.

Unless you mean you go around telling yourself you're crap, therefore don't put any effort into tasks you're given because 'what's the point I'll get fired anyway', and then get fired because of your own self-fulfilling prophecy?

@Onatree

Is there an undiagnosed condition? Whether learning difficulties or MH?

Is there a will to plan the next couple years to slowly gather qualifications?

To self refer for free IAPTs MH support to get to the root of the cause here?

To potentially turn life around by say 2024?

I thought this too, reading the first post.

OP my life hasn't gone according to plan. I sort of understand what you mean. I'm not capable, for health reasons, of living the life I'd planned to live. I've had to accept that I can't do my chosen job. I unfortunately found myself in an abusive relationship (long over, don't worry!) and the end result of that was it cost me my chance to have children. So that was a hard thing to accept. Another of my main things was I wanted to get married (since forever, in a general, life's dream, sort of way, before I'd even had a boyfriend) and for various reasons that isn't an option any more. It's frustrating at times. I wouldn't describe myself as a failure though, that's very negative. I'm doing the best I can to make a good life for myself and that's a positive thing. All we can do is make the most of whatever situation we find ourselves in, try to improve our character flaws (we all have some, none of us are perfect!) and make plans for the future, but be prepared to adapt them and change them if things don't work out.

You need to find your strengths OP, everyone has some. Maybe they won't be related to work and work will never be your thing. But there will be something you're good at which you can incorporate into your life to make it better, more fun etc. You've got to be true to yourself. We're not robots and the exact same life doesn't suit all of us.

If scraping by in temporary or low key jobs is the best you can do then that's ok, find a way to make life work under those circumstances. If you get fired from long term placements perhaps short term placements would be better for you, especially if being fired is affecting your self esteem.

Maybe you need some organizational strategies to function better at work. Have you tried shadowing an organised colleague for the day, following their routine on arrival and in breaks, as well as after classes until they leave and asking about what prep they do at home for work? It might give you an insight into how they manage to do it and what you'd need to change in your day to be more like them.

OP i am the same, in my 40s and stumble from onedisaster to another. Don't be hard on yourself

@coop36

just been inadequate so in a bookies not getting the instructions, not doing homework. In construction being useless. Teaching generally the same-just being useless at everything. It's hard to articulate here because I think I am in a minority and most people don't get us. They just don't see what the problem is or why we are so incompetent and generally useless at life.

"Being useless" is not a specific explanation. It's not even an explanation, it's a judgement.

So your attitude is "there's no point trying because I'll fail" and that is then the reason you fail?

Because that's your attitude to answering questions "no point bothering because you won't understand" and therefore obviously no we can't understand because you have chosen not to explain.

That's not an intrinsic characteristic, that's a behavioural choice you're making.

Because that's your attitude to answering questions "no point bothering because you won't understand" and therefore obviously no we can't understand because you have chosen not to explain

i don't know what to explaIN though, it's not 1 thing,it is everything I seem to flounder at in jobs. In other words, it is always something that arises.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm the scared little boy the poster in the linked thread talked of in a man's body. I know there's a big problem and it's generally me built it's all of me, not 1 simple thing that can be changed, it's everywhere that makes me just not suited to work or success.

By "generally rubbish"... Do you feel like you can't grasp even the simplest things at work sometimes and make silly mistakes? That people seem to be gliding along easily and you're stumbling?
Do you have any friends or a support network?

By "generally rubbish"... Do you feel like you can't grasp even the simplest things at work sometimes and make silly mistakes? That people seem to be gliding along easily and you're stumbling

pretty much this, I just can't seem to cope and I find it quite it hard to articulate here which makes it all the worse.

Do you have any friends or a support network

some but they can only help so much. They have their own lives.

People (including me) have sympathised with you and offered you a potential root cause. If you do have ADHD, as I suspect you might, it's not just a case of slapping a label on it and throwing your hands up like "I can't help it, I have ADHD!" - there are multiple management options including medication, career coaching and occupational therapy. You could pursue it but, honestly, it sounds like you are looking for permission to give in to your self-fulfilling prophecy and never work again.

I go into every new job thinking "right, I'll do better this time. I'll listen and try harder and I won't get distracted and I won't procrastinate". Then ADHD takes hold as always and it ends badly again. You are making it sound like you're going into each job expecting to be crap at it so not trying, and you don't want to try to help yourself.

What outcome are you hoping for by posting here? Genuinely not trying to be goady and I don't mean to sound harsh but I think you need to really reflect on what you want because you sound depressed. It may simply be that you're struggling to articulate it here so it's coming across wrong (or I'm picking you up wrong) but either way, I think you should talk to your GP.

I can relate to you in some ways, OP. I have a degree/done professional training etc, I have always worked hard and tried my best, however have struggled a lot in nearly all (and very diverse) jobs I've had.
I was nearly sacked from 2 jobs - first one I handed my notice in literally as they were telling me they were letting me go. The other one I could have got further support but I chose not to take that "opportunity" as they had treated me horribly (literally spoken to like crap over several errors i'd made, to the point I couldn't stop crying at the office). So technically I quit, but you get the gist. Apart from those 2 jobs, i've had toxic workplaces, cliques, etc. where I was excluded and treated badly, despite trying to be polite, friendly and having no serious performance issues (but still, for any mistake I made I was made to feel stupid and incompetent - at a very basic job!). These people have also brought my self esteem and confidence in my abilities to a very low point.
I guess I am trying to say that there are so many variables, and a lot of workplaces are not supportive or empathetic enough, even toxic and it just becomes survival of the fittest. Even when you are doing your best, they expect you to "get" things straight away and like you, I am also not built that way, my brain functions differently or however you'd like to put it. I used to beat myself over being a failure, but as time has gone by, I have also learned to to love myself and appreciate my fine qualities more, to discern what is really important about a person - and it's definitely not a high-ranking career, academic accomplishments or a good salary. In fact, I resent the idea that these type of things are what make us "successful".

I go into every new job thinking "right, I'll do better this time. I'll listen and try harder and I won't get distracted and I won't procrastinate". Then ADHD takes hold as always and it ends badly again. You are making it sound like you're going into each job expecting to be crap at it so not trying, and you don't want to try to help yourself

quite the opposite, i go into every job thinking the same too but then it flounders despite my best intentions and positivity. It is now i am accepting the hard truth

What outcome are you hoping for by posting here

i want to be like everybody around me, keep a job, be competent and manage but i appear to be in an island of my own.

OK then, let's take you at face value, that you are useless at working. Do you want advice on how to find satisfaction in a life on benefits in a bedsit, or do you want to become less "useless" and find your niche?

If you're disorganised and uninterested in your subject, its best that you don't teach really. Was there anything about your degree that you really enjoyed? Does anything make you happy now?

These people have also brought my self esteem and confidence in my abilities to a very low point.
I guess I am trying to say that there are so many variables, and a lot of workplaces are not supportive or empathetic enough, even toxic and it just becomes survival of the fittest

see i haVE THOUGHT THIS TOO BUT AFTER A WILE it appeared it wasn't them in every workplace, it was me. I was using the blame game.

Can you tell the story of your last three jobs and how they ended?

in last job doing long term supply, i thought it was going okish until head said parent was moaning over behaviour and he started taking my lessons and helping me plan. Then he said planning was better and then just got agency call firing me.

Job BEFORE PARENTS AND STUDENTS MOANED i was aggressive or picking on them and the same.

job before that, told I was underperforming in all areas and was not cutting the mustard.

You’re not a loser

You’re not a loser. Consider everybody my age around me is doing much better than me i am.