anybody else here just accepted you are a failure/loser in everything?

[coop36]

Working as a supply teacher at 36, working in agencies. Sacked from my most recent long term supply job there recently for generally being crap. 1 of many. Live in a bedsit, no pension, no relationship-many rejections etc. Before teaching was fired from many jobs too.

Lining paycheque to cheque and just nothing going for me but coming to the realisation that this is it.

Career change? Go to Uni? Move areas and start over? Become a TA for a while and then return to teaching

While there is still life there is still hope I think.

Before you worked, what did you like to do when you were a child, before you had to do things?

I really think your core purpose will lie in that answers because you will have naturally gravitated to things that interested you and you had aptitude in.

There are lots of different types of jobs out there that suit almost every type of personality - its just you haven't found it yet.

Do you want to retrain? Do you have the financial capacity?

And I know you don't want me to say it but teaching is very hard.

Breathe, accept the situation, and listen to your intuition. That is not a critical voice but a deep knowing of who you are and what you need to do next.

Out of these what are you good at:
Working alone. Working in a team.
Working practically Working cerebrally.
Working indoors. Working outdoors. Mixture of both.
Quiet environment. Busy environment.

It’s possible you’ve gone down the wrong roads in choosing jobs. Teaching for example is far less flexible than it was 20-30 years ago.
Would you prefer tutoring 1:1 rather than teaching a class of children?
Or smaller classes rather than 30+ ?
Rather than giving up maybe it’s time for a rethink on what you want for the next 5 years.

Have you maybe thought about the fact that you are simply in the wrong job/sector?

You are never going to thrive if you are trying to fit in an environment that is just not for you.

Or could it be that you have a learning difficulty or another health condition and/or struggle in social situations?

Also not everyone is meant to be an extrovert and many people won't fit into the usual life script (get a job, get married, have kids) and instead might do better on a different path.

You need to speak to your GP I would to tri to see whether there is not anything medical/behavioural that you are not aware of.

There are a lot of charities/community organisations that provide help with looking at career goals and jobs and also work on your self-confidence.

I think you already have the advantage of realising that what you are doing is not working for you and wanting to address it.

Also, it can be a vicious circle, the more you lose confidence, the less likely you are to improve your life.

Maybe if you want something even more drastic if you have dependants could you even consider relocating to a new city/town? you might simply need a fresh start to get you going.

If you survived Pgce or manged to acquire a teaching qualification, you have it in you to continue! There's quite a few tutoring opportunities with 2 or 3 kids at a time, as your agency if they can find you some. How about a teaching assistant post? It's less responsibility and maybe more observation in class can help you learn behaviour management. Also breakfast and after school clubs, lunch time supervision, playtime supervision... All good places to start again. Good luck.

It sounds like you haven't had a chance to really learn your craft with the teaching. I'm sure it's not easy to get a permanent job but as an inexperienced teacher at least you're cheap - have you actually tried getting a permanent job? Being let go all the time is dispiriting but that is the nature of agency work. The ideal is to find a school that's prepared to invest in you a bit. I realise that's most likely easier said than done though.

The other thing is - and this is a hard lesson for EVERYBODY that we all need to remind ourselves of - being a loser is not a thing. Life is not lived in comparison and competition with other people. What matters is finding what gives you pleasure and lets you live at the same time. That may mean doing a job you're not keen on alongside hobbies/pastimes that do bring you joy. Success does not need to mean paid employment.

Well, not in a self-loathing way but I've accepted that I find some ''normal'' things harder than other people find them but I am going to be really self-compassionate to myself around that. I am in to the practice of self-compassion right now. I don't owe it to anybody to be above average. I don't owe it to anybody to get a promotion. I'm going to be kind to myself and not berate myself for not finding things like careers and jobs easy.

Do you feel tired all the time?
I wonder if you’ve got an underactive thyroid. I had that undiagnosed for some years and it made every day life difficult. I was always tired, I forgot everything, left my purse in shops and found even simple instructions hard to follow and carry out.
I think it would be worth your having a test as since I’ve been taking thyroxine I’m able to function normally.

I don't have a career tbh but finally I have a job that's stuck.

I know you said that your childhood was ok, but I think that it's more than possible to be ''not seen'' in your family and to still believe that things were ''ok'' but then you go through life feeling unseen.

This video talks about encouragement in a healthy family system to take a healthy risk. That really resonated with me as I cling like a raft to safety.

Nobody in my family encouraged me to take a risk and put myself out there for what I believed was right for me.

So what was your action when the headteacher told you parents had complained about you being aggressive/lack of planning?

I think that’s one of the hardest things in a job, to accept criticism and actively incorporate it into your work. There will be something specific you are doing but you don’t seem to know what it is? Are you often late? Do you put in a lot of effort etc? Do you come prepared to teach every day with lesson plans sorted out?

It would be worth talking to your GP if you’re struggling to hold down a job.

@VioletOcean

Career change? Go to Uni? Move areas and start over? Become a TA for a while and then return to teaching

I think this is a good idea. You owe it to yourself not to call yourself a loser.

Take the pressure off. Observe classroom dynamics. Make sure that you're not carrying about any residual scapegoat role (i think this was my problem, I was inadvertently too pleasing, until I was triggered and behaved in too reactionary a way and then I wasn't pleasing at all).

If you took a year or two out to look after yourself and be the support you always needed you would be far from a loser, you'd be ahead of the ''game'' in my opinion.

I have had to figure out that I'm in my corner. I'm the strong man in my own life ha ha! I believe me. I support me. I encourage me. I am kind to me. I look after me. I practice self-compassion (kristen Neff phd and Chris germer).

I agree with others, there must be something else going on with you. You are not 'just incompetent' though I completely understand why you have concluded that, and in a way its a step forward that you are taking ownership in some way of having a problem. But if you do keep losing jobs then, like others, I strongly feel that there must be an underlying issue causing you these difficulties. I would try to seek out what that is.

You say you always appeared confident. Could part of it be that if you were making mistakes you weren't showing a willingness to recognise them and learn from them?

I think I commented on that thread - read 'smart but scattered'. It looks at executive function and helps you identify the things you are struggling with. It also gives practical tips. It's very insightful. I tick a lot of boxes for ADHD- not wanted to look at diagnosis atm.

I struggle with planning/organising/ memory. I'd be useless as teacher but I hold a stressful job with responsibilies that suits my skills and that's ok. I've made lots of mistakes in this job and others. That's also ok, everyone does. You reflect and learn and try not to repeat it again.

@coop36

Other than your very negative self-image, is there something in particular that you struggle with in workplaces that means you leave jobs? A reason you do agency work

just generally being crap, fucking up somewhere. The criteria is too broad to narrow it down. It's like asking why people drink too much, overeat-the criteria is usually too broad to have an answer. I do agency work because no school would hire me i'm that incompetent.

just generally being crap, fucking up somewhere. The criteria is too broad to narrow it down. It's like asking why people drink too much, overeat-the criteria is usually too broad to have an answer. I do agency work because no school would hire me i'm that incompetent.

It sounds like you are in a pretty bad place OP, but the only way to improve it, is to dig into what is going wrong and work on it bit by it. This is the only way people do recover from drinking or eating disorders.

You cannot possibly be ‘useless’, you qualified as a teacher, which means you are better qualified than a good 50pc of the population. It sounds to me that there is some communication or organisation issue, but again, given your level of qualification, it isn’t insurmountable,

Please can you do 3 things

• Go to your GP. You sound depressed understandably. They may suggest short term medication on top of counselling. They can also refer your for ASD / ADHD assessment, so take a look online and see if you think you might have either of these.

Investigate counselling services in your area. Look for a male therapist and talk to 3 to find someone you click with. You may have to invest a bit in this, as NHS referrals take a while, but their are low and means tested options.

Sign up with a temp agency and get a straight forward job, something that’s less demanding than teaching while you sort your head out. Do you have a driving license? If you do their is a massive shortage of HGV and other drivers so please look into this.

I know it all feels bleak right now, but your situation can improve, just take it one step at a time.

Also - reach out to a friend this week.

So what was your action when the headteacher told you parents had complained about you being aggressive/lack of planning

the 1st time i got defensive and fell out badly with slt,2nd time i tried the opposite approach and was accepting of what they said,was cooperative and tried to change. she still axed me.

It sounds like you haven't had a chance to really learn your craft with the teaching. I'm sure it's not easy to get a permanent job but as an inexperienced teacher at least you're cheap - have you actually tried getting a permanent job? Being let go all the time is dispiriting but that is the nature of agency work. The ideal is to find a school that's prepared to invest in you a bit

schools did hire me but got rid.

support was given to me in schools but failed.

Could part of it be that if you were making mistakes you weren't showing a willingness to recognise them and learn from them

suppose in ways yes.

OP, I think you should look more deeply into why this is happening. If you really struggle with planning etc you could have an underlying condition such as ADHD/ADD or ASD or depression. All these conditions, untreated, can lead people to underachieve long term (been there, forgot the tee-shirt ).

To me, it sounds like you deserve to work out the root cause and reassess what could make your life better for you. You might find you cope better with much shorter hours, so you could look into tutoring which pays a higher hourly rate than teaching and lacks most of the admin and record keeping.

You could earn in three hours an evening what you earn in a week of supply, and have your days and weekends free to relax and do prep at leisure. During the day, you could do fitness and some self-help personal development to try and build a kinder, more positive outlook on yourself and your life.

Or you could take on a less stressful job for a while. I know a woman who left law and worked in a cafe for a year. She enjoyed it so much she set up her own cafe rather than burn out as a lawyer. There's no rule that says just because you are academically bright enough to be a teacher that you are also emotionally wired to be one. You may thrive better in a less demanding role and there's nothing wrong with that.

Out of these what are you good at:
Working alone. Working in a team.
Working practically Working cerebrally.
Working indoors. Working outdoors. Mixture of both.
Quiet environment. Busy environment

nothing really

What was it that attracted you to teaching?

@coop36

So what was your action when the headteacher told you parents had complained about you being aggressive/lack of planning

the 1st time i got defensive and fell out badly with slt,2nd time i tried the opposite approach and was accepting of what they said,was cooperative and tried to change. she still axed me.

I mean it doesn’t sound like you have the best attitude. You sound like you’re stuck in quite a ‘victim’ mentality where it’s easier just to bemoan ‘I’m useless’ or answer questions about what you’re good at with ‘nothing.’ It’s quite sullen and if that’s you’re approach you are going to struggle in workplaces. If you just want to sit and say you’re good at nothing, you’re useless etc then you aren’t going to improve things - you need to be proactive and work to change things for yourself, whether that means going to the GP or looking at your own working patterns.

Teaching a whole class certainly doesn't suit everyone and that's not a criticism of you at all.

What would you like to do? What about working in a PRU or somewhere with more 1-1, or online tutoring?

You're not a loser in my eyes, just a little lost. You'll be okay

think back to a bad teacher you had, it's not 1 thing but everything that is bad.