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AIBU?

DH dogwalks with another woman

612 replies

DMOB3 · 23/01/2022 11:29

AIBU to not want my DH to disappear on a sunday moring with a female colleague, who is also married. This happens intermittently. He never says in advance that he's going but always admits where he's been. Plus his phone always tells me where he is. Am I being paranoid? Last week he said he wanted to give me a lie in. Late evening (11.30 pm) she WhatsApp him to thank him for the walk.

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

1439 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
34%
You are NOT being unreasonable
66%
ahcmonnow · 23/01/2022 12:45

Absolute non issue, they are walking dogs and picking up shite. The fact she has a vagina is of no bearing.

Thanks for the walk.....simply politeness.

The amount of paranoid, jealous women on here is unreal!

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Letsallscreamatthesistene · 23/01/2022 12:46

@ExtraOnion

Can someone let me know the cut off time for married people texting other married people ? Does this only come into play when they are different sex’s?

I text when something pings into my head to text … I have single male friends who sometimes text late at night, as something funny has happened - my husband isn’t bothered.

Even more extraordinary, I have no clue who is texting my husband, or about what ..as I never look at his phone.

Where did trust go ????

I mean, its great that you feel you can trust your DH.

Might not be the same for the OP.
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ChardonnaysPetDragon · 23/01/2022 12:46

I walk my dogs with a lot of people, but I have never sent a text thanking anyone for the walk.

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LittleMissTake · 23/01/2022 12:46

It’s time to worry if the dog comes back with clean paws at this time of year.

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Eightiesfan · 23/01/2022 12:48

How many of you message work colleagues outside work let alone late at night? They are colleagues not friends so this is completely different to messaging your friends, it’s inappropriate, if she wanted to thank him she should have done it at the end of the walk, although why a shared dog walk merits a thank you is a mystery to me.

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girlmom21 · 23/01/2022 12:49

@Eightiesfan

How many of you message work colleagues outside work let alone late at night? They are colleagues not friends so this is completely different to messaging your friends, it’s inappropriate, if she wanted to thank him she should have done it at the end of the walk, although why a shared dog walk merits a thank you is a mystery to me.

Colleagues can become friends
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inheritancetrack · 23/01/2022 12:52

YANBU to feel uncomfortable with it but YABU to be suspicious if he is very open and there is nothing going on. Seems he is reassuring you as best he can. Maybe all of you go on this walk?

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CayrolBaaaskin · 23/01/2022 12:53

Ffs - they’re walking their dogs. Mn is like the taliban sometimes

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ZoeTheThornyDevil · 23/01/2022 12:53

I often dog walk with a colleague who is also a friend. She's female, but I'm bi. She texts me "thanks for the walk" every single time. It's never occurred to me to notice what time she sends it.

I also often text people late at night because that's when I have time to catch up with stuff or that's when it occurred to me. The only one I've ever even wanted to flirt with, much less fuck, is... DH. Hmm

The odds that another married woman desperately wants your ordinary boring DH and is out to catch him through the medium of... dog walks... is not high.

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Stonerosie67 · 23/01/2022 12:53

"Today 12:38HRMtheQuern*
Oh and if the dog is yours start taking them on a walk before he gets the chance so he cant use it as an excuse to meet this woman or start suggesting you and dh walk together with the dog somewhere else (but every time)

Have you any idea how insane this makes you sound????

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ExtraOnion · 23/01/2022 12:54

I have make work colleagues… who are also friends … and married .. and we text in the evening .. and sometimes late on.

Either you trust your partner, or you don’t, and if you don’t then don’t stay with them. You’ll drive yourself mad looking for problems, checking messages, and tracking phones … and if this “dog walking “ issue goes away, another issue will turn up, and you are back to checking messages, it’s exhausting.

You can’t be in a long term relationship with someone you don’t trust.

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HelloFrostyMorning · 23/01/2022 12:54

Of COURSE people can have friends of the opposite sex, but the fact that he is going for cosy dog walks with this female colleague, and only telling his wife AFTER is suspicious. He is not telling her til afterwards because he doesn't want her there.

YANBU to be worried @DMOB3

And the messaging back and forth after is weird. Who does that with? A couple who are close and have a romantic connection that's who.

May not be an affair yet, but they're building the foundation for one.

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RedskyThisNight · 23/01/2022 12:54

@HRMtheQuern

They must look like a couple going out walking the dogs. It's not on. They can catch up in another way

Two people out walking with separate dogs look less like a couple than 2 people doing virtually anything else together.

Back when I had a dog, there were a few people that I sometimes met who were walking their dog at the same time. Very often this was not planned. I don't think "thanks for the walk" sounds like anything more than politeness, and I'm another that responds to Whatsapps when convenient for me; I don't expect people to reply straight away.

This all sounds very innocent, unless there is a huge backstory OP is not telling.
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HelloFrostyMorning · 23/01/2022 12:55

@CayrolBaaaskin

Ffs - they’re walking their dogs. Mn is like the taliban sometimes

So breathtakingly naive....
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Stonerosie67 · 23/01/2022 12:55

Honestly, if this is the amount of trust some of you have in your relationships, you really should think about calling it a day.
Men and women are allowed to be friends, they're walking the dogs, not booking into a hotel!

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lovemyaussie · 23/01/2022 12:56

I text female friends to say thanks for the nice walk - we aren't planning an affair Confused

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Riapia · 23/01/2022 12:56

The words “dog walk” in the late night message may have been a euphemism.

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BlondeDogLady · 23/01/2022 12:58

@Witchcraftandhokum

Any sympathy I would have had vanished with you fact that you can track his phone. There is no way I could be with anyone who thought this was OK.

Eh? Me and DH can see where each other are, on our phones. I can see when he's almost home, so I unlock the gate, put the kettle on etc. If you have nothing to hide, what's the problem? I can't recall now when we did this or why? Certainly nothing sinister. I can see where my DD is as well.
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Moonbabysmum · 23/01/2022 13:00

Gosh, I mean what if the dogs tripped them up and his penis went into her vagina 😱

If this is how little trust you have in your relationship is it even worth it?

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godmum56 · 23/01/2022 13:01

my lovely but innocent late DH got caught out like this.....I warned him that she was misreading his friendship and he thought I was over reacting until she made a pass at him. he was honestly shocked.

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DiddyHeck · 23/01/2022 13:02

@Bagelsandbrie

I wouldn’t like that. I’d be getting up early and coming along to see how she reacts.

Why?? Dear God all this sort of post does is fuel the OP's already weirdly paranoid thoughts and behaviour.

She's already checking his whereabouts on his phone. Why encourage her?
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FactyFrances · 23/01/2022 13:03

@JaniieJones

It's seems weird to me. Yes men can have female friends but you don't go dog walking with them. Even if your dh thinks it's innocent at this stage I'd bet there's some kind of flirting going on.

Suggest you go with them next time, see how that goes down.

Really?! My dog-walking friends are mostly men and I often go for coffee or breakfast after the walk with one who is married, as am I. It's the equivalent of having mum friends via your children, but it's bc our dogs have similar exercise needs & our schedules coincide
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girlmom21 · 23/01/2022 13:03

@Riapia

The words “dog walk” in the late night message may have been a euphemism.

A euphemism for giving her the bone?

I'm sorry.
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godmum56 · 23/01/2022 13:04

PS we had trackers for each other on our phones ever since it was a thing. We did it because his job was one where he often couldn't take his phone with him onsite (spark hazard) so i could see where he was when he had left phone in car or in office.

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KirkstallAbbess · 23/01/2022 13:05

@HRMtheQuern

They must look like a couple going out walking the dogs. It's not on. They can catch up in another way


I'll remind my brother of this next time he asks me to join him on a dog walk 😂

Didn't realise us traipsing through fields dog walking made us 'look like a couple' (whatever that means)
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