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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH dogwalks with another woman

612 replies

DMOB3 · 23/01/2022 11:29

AIBU to not want my DH to disappear on a sunday moring with a female colleague, who is also married. This happens intermittently. He never says in advance that he's going but always admits where he's been. Plus his phone always tells me where he is. Am I being paranoid? Last week he said he wanted to give me a lie in. Late evening (11.30 pm) she WhatsApp him to thank him for the walk.

OP posts:
IDontKnow00 · 23/01/2022 13:26

Unless there's a giant drip feed here with some dodgy history involving your DH, two people married to other people going on an occasional dog walk together would be a complete non issue to me.

WonderfulYou · 23/01/2022 13:26

I'm too busy thinking back on all the thread where women have complained their controlling husbands have been tracking their phones, and getting jealous of their friendships.

The screams of LEAVE THE BASTARD are still ringing in my ears.

I agree.

MN can be very biased.

I’m sure someone will come along and say I bet she hasn’t even got a dog or they’re spending the time at her house having sex.

gannett · 23/01/2022 13:26

*I mean, its great that you feel you can trust your DH.

Might not be the same for the OP.*

If you can't trust your partner to that extent then why on earth are you in a relationship with them?

I have absolutely no idea who is messaging DP when, he has no idea who messages me when, neither of us would think to read anything into the timing.

HaggisBurger · 23/01/2022 13:26

My exSIL met her affair partner whilst they were out walking their respective dogs …

DiddyHeck · 23/01/2022 13:27

My partner can also track me by my phone, it’s useful for when I run because he has me a bath ready when I get home

And what does that have to do with the OP? Anyway, why don't you just text "Can you run my bath please?"

ChargingBuck · 23/01/2022 13:27

@HandWash

The cutesy 11.30pm 'Thanks for the walk' would be the part I didn't like.
Quite.

Almost as if he "gave" her the walk. Like without his expert assistance, she & her dog would not be able to find the front door or coordinate their legs or summat.

Nothing wrong with a mutual dog walk.
Plenty wrong with a gushing, late night text thanking someone for what should have been a mutually enjoyable walk that nobody needed assistance with or gratitude for.

MasterBeth · 23/01/2022 13:28

@JaniieJones

'For all we know they're paramedics and she'd just finished a night shift when they went for a walk then she was going home and straight to bed, and by 11:30pm she was back on shift.'

Omg I mean, seriously.

You don't message married men 'thanking them' for dog walks. I mean yes there's some desperate folk out there but even so.

We’ve been married for over 25 years, each has opposite sex friends and both have helped those friends through tough times/given support/ talked things through with those friends, in circumstances that would definitely merit sincere thank-yous. That’s what friendship entails.

If you don’t trust your partner, every dog walk, work trip or text message is potentially a romantic or sexual encounter. If you do, then friends walking their dogs is just that.

DiddyHeck · 23/01/2022 13:28

@HaggisBurger

My exSIL met her affair partner whilst they were out walking their respective dogs …
And?? Mine met hers in Tesco.
veevee04 · 23/01/2022 13:29

I wouldn't like it this is how affairs start don't worry about not being a "cool girl" I would not want my OH walking the dog with another woman then texting him thanking him late at night. My OH wouldn't like me doing it with a bloke.

BennysBingoBonanza · 23/01/2022 13:29

Amazed at the votes on this. It’s a sodding dog walk! Literally nothing here to suggest anything untoward.

Catflapkitkat · 23/01/2022 13:29

Do you think they are dogging?

Luredbyapomegranate · 23/01/2022 13:30

@HaggisBurger

My exSIL met her affair partner whilst they were out walking their respective dogs …
That’s enormously helpful Hmm

I think you need to ask yourself if there’s anything wrong in your relationship, and any reason to think there’s a spark between them. If the answer to both is no, then I don’t think you should worry about it. You can’t keep your partner on a lease.

If it’s that you resent family time being taken up, just talk to him c that.

TenoringBehind · 23/01/2022 13:31

Suggest you’ll come along too and see how he reacts.

Two of my neighbours seem to be having an affair under the cover of walking the dogs together. They do take dogs but stop to kiss in the bushes! I’ve stumbled upon them twice now, as have other friends of mine.

DiddyHeck · 23/01/2022 13:31

@BennysBingoBonanza

Amazed at the votes on this. It’s a sodding dog walk! Literally nothing here to suggest anything untoward.
Now now, stop being a 'cool girl'. You'll send the 'jealous controlling girls' over the edge Wink
girlmom21 · 23/01/2022 13:32

@HelloFrostyMorning I never said they're probably paramedics. I offered a more plausible suggestion than them going dogging Hmm

SueSaid · 23/01/2022 13:33

'If you don’t trust your partner, every dog walk, work trip or text message is potentially a romantic or sexual encounter. If you do, then friends walking their dogs is just that'

Oh but the walk is fiiine. The being friends is lovely! We've all got friends of the opposite sex I have a decorator pal who will call in for a coffee if in the area. What he doesn't do is text at 11.30pm saying 'thanks for the coffee' because that would be odd.

GrazingSheep · 23/01/2022 13:33

He tells you when he comes back where he has been and who he has been with.
You can track his phone.
He told you she WhatsApped at 11.30pm - or were you checking his phone?

Tullig · 23/01/2022 13:34

@Cakeandcardio

I would say it's weird. Men and women don't walk dogs together just because. He's also making out like he's doing you a favour which is weird. Don't be put off by people saying it's strange that you track his phone - a lot of married people on here lead bizarrely separate lives. My husband and I can track each other (openly, not secretly). There might not be anything happening with this woman but he could want there to be.
Dog walking is a domestic chore, so taking it in turns to do it is a sign of a good domestic dynamic, surely? And I’ve been with DH for almost 30 years, both of us travelling for work, both of us with opposite-sex friends, and it has never occurred to me to track his phone. I don’t see as absence of surveillance as an indication of ‘bizarrely separate lives’. Hmm
ChargingBuck · 23/01/2022 13:34

@Bairnsmum05

I go for a dog walk with my married friend and sometimes he brings his children. I go dog walking with a married neighbour sometimes. I'd be offended if their wives thought that i had ulterior motives.
I bet you don't send these guys late night texts thanking them for the walk though @Bairnsmum05.

Frankly, I'm a bit lip-curly at OP objecting to her DH walking with - gasp! A WOMAN!!! - mainly because she tracks her DH on her phone & I think that's fucking creepy.
So pinch of salt to her "instant suspicion of another female" mode ... BUT that text is suspicious AF.

WorryMcGee · 23/01/2022 13:37

The walk I’d be absolutely fine with. I’m married and walk my dogs with male friends all the time, some of them don’t even have dogs themselves but love mine and it’s a lockdown habit that carried on (they live alone so it’s a throwback to exercising in pairs…) my husband actually met one of them for the first time a couple of weeks ago at Parkrun and it was fine. They actually got on very well!
It’s the “thank you” text I’d find a little bit odd because it’s an ongoing arrangement not a one off…. perhaps he doesn’t tell you he’s going because he thinks you’re going to give him a hard time when he’s not doing anything “wrong” (not excusing him not telling you, obv it upsets you that he’s not - just wondering if there is another reason why besides them having a “thing”)

DiddyHeck · 23/01/2022 13:37

I still doubt the text thing. I mean lets face it, the one hit wonder OP hasn't bothered coming back and meanwhile everyone's frothing.

jackiebenimble · 23/01/2022 13:39

Dog walking with a friend of the opposite
Sex is fine. But being evasive and vague about it is odd. And would also have me
Wondering.

Simonjt · 23/01/2022 13:40

@BennysBingoBonanza

Amazed at the votes on this. It’s a sodding dog walk! Literally nothing here to suggest anything untoward.
Bonkers isn’t it, also scary how many people expert their partner to gain their permission before leaving the house, why are so many people so proud and public about being a controlling partner?
Velvian · 23/01/2022 13:42

The weird bit is not saying the evening before "I'll walk the dog tomorrow morning, as I'm meeting Sandra with her dog" or whatever. That for me would ring an alarm bell. I frequently meet friends for dog walks, but as me and DH divvy up the jobs, I let him know that I'm walking the dog this evening or tomorrow morning or whatever.

girlmom21 · 23/01/2022 13:42

@jackiebenimble

Dog walking with a friend of the opposite Sex is fine. But being evasive and vague about it is odd. And would also have me Wondering.
He's not evasive and vague. He tells her where he's been and who with even though she already knows where he was because she stalks him