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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH dogwalks with another woman

612 replies

DMOB3 · 23/01/2022 11:29

AIBU to not want my DH to disappear on a sunday moring with a female colleague, who is also married. This happens intermittently. He never says in advance that he's going but always admits where he's been. Plus his phone always tells me where he is. Am I being paranoid? Last week he said he wanted to give me a lie in. Late evening (11.30 pm) she WhatsApp him to thank him for the walk.

OP posts:
Eightiesfan · 23/01/2022 12:34

Probably nothing to worry about, but If this is bothering you enough to post here, I would Invite myself along the next time and check their reactions. I would stick to him like white on rice to make sure he doesn’t try to give her a heads up! Unfortunately a lot of men are pretty stupid and get flattered by female attention even though most would never dream of acting on it - I’m not including what might be an innocent dog walk with a colleague. However, the late night thanks for the walk messages is worrying, as I would not be happy with any late night messaging, totally unnecessary and a possible red flag.

HRMtheQuern · 23/01/2022 12:34

They must look like a couple going out walking the dogs. It's not on. They can catch up in another way

Wolfiefan · 23/01/2022 12:35

I went for a walk with a friend recently. Nearly texted to say thanks late at night. Glad I didn’t judging from this response. I wasn’t after an affair. I just hadn’t had a chance earlier. 🤦‍♀️

Crazykatie · 23/01/2022 12:35

Dogging, possibly, I would be very suspicious, walk the dog some other time seems a good idea

girlmom21 · 23/01/2022 12:36

@HRMtheQuern

They must look like a couple going out walking the dogs. It's not on. They can catch up in another way
How can they catch up without looking like a couple if you think two people walking two dogs look like a couple?

Go for a drink? A meal? Shopping? A coffee? Do none of those make them look like a couple?

Eightiesfan · 23/01/2022 12:36

@Sundancerintherain

Good god, some of the replies 😯. Its dog walking, not a romantic night in a hotel. Absolutely no issue for me .
Maybe not for you, but OP is clearly bothered. I wouldn’t care about the dog walking, but the late night WhatsApp, that’s a hard limit as she is clearly trying to engage.
TheChip · 23/01/2022 12:36

One of my favourite people to walk with used to be a man, and I think I was one of his. It was easy conversation, we both had similar personalities and that made our dog walks more enjoyable. There was absolutely nothing more to it than that.

However, I never ever felt the need to thank him for a walk. Thats the part that makes it weird. Along with you tracking him. That's also weird.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 23/01/2022 12:36

Agree with 'thanks for the walk'. Thats the part that would make my ears prick up.

In my experience, you only do that to start a message dialogue with someone.

girlmom21 · 23/01/2022 12:36

@Crazykatie

Dogging, possibly, I would be very suspicious, walk the dog some other time seems a good idea
Dogging isn't having sex while walking dogs
Lemonweightloss · 23/01/2022 12:36

Don't you trust him?
If my dh did this, it wouldn't bother me. I'd just be glad he was taking the dog for a walk ( it's usually me !).
Regarding late night texts, some people operate like that ( as a pp mentioned upthread). I don't text after 9pm as I'm in bed ( tired. Probably through walking the dog).
If I ever thought my dh ( of 3 decades) was playing away, I would just ask. But we have that understanding anyway - we've always said if you want to call it a day etc, just tell me first. No secrecy. ( I know things are not always this simplistic but it works for us).

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 23/01/2022 12:37

Men and women can't be platonic friends.

They.are.dog.walking!

DOG WALKING

Probably getting frisky whilst one of them are picking up the dog poo

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 23/01/2022 12:38

@Crazykatie

Dogging, possibly, I would be very suspicious, walk the dog some other time seems a good idea
Do you know what dogging is?! It has nothing to do with dogs....
HRMtheQuern · 23/01/2022 12:38

Oh and if the dog is yours start taking them on a walk before he gets the chance so he cant use it as an excuse to meet this woman or start suggesting you and dh walk together with the dog somewhere else (but every time)

Bairnsmum05 · 23/01/2022 12:39

I go for a dog walk with my married friend and sometimes he brings his children. I go dog walking with a married neighbour sometimes. I'd be offended if their wives thought that i had ulterior motives.

SueSaid · 23/01/2022 12:40

'Seriously? Dog walking? You wouldnt allow your husband to go dog walking with a female friend?'

Its not just the dog walking is it, it's the secretiveness only saying afterwards when it had clearly been prearranged. It's the desperate 'thanks for the walk' message at 11.30pm.

Who tf texts thanks for a dog walk 🙄

ExtraOnion · 23/01/2022 12:40

Can someone let me know the cut off time for married people texting other married people ? Does this only come into play when they are different sex’s?

I text when something pings into my head to text … I have single male friends who sometimes text late at night, as something funny has happened - my husband isn’t bothered.

Even more extraordinary, I have no clue who is texting my husband, or about what ..as I never look at his phone.

Where did trust go ????

user313213521 · 23/01/2022 12:41

@JaniieJones

It's seems weird to me. Yes men can have female friends but you don't go dog walking with them. Even if your dh thinks it's innocent at this stage I'd bet there's some kind of flirting going on.

Suggest you go with them next time, see how that goes down.

I wouldn't think twice about going for a dog walk with a male friend, even though we're both in relationships

DP meets up with a mutual female friend for a cuppa. I'm also not concerned about that.

But then we trust each other, which presumably the OP doesn't to quite the same extent

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 23/01/2022 12:42

@JaniieJones

'Seriously? Dog walking? You wouldnt allow your husband to go dog walking with a female friend?'

Its not just the dog walking is it, it's the secretiveness only saying afterwards when it had clearly been prearranged. It's the desperate 'thanks for the walk' message at 11.30pm.

Who tf texts thanks for a dog walk 🙄

If they're friends,a person who had to get stuff off their chest during a walk?
emsmar · 23/01/2022 12:42

Sounds like a friendship.. although I'm not sure I wouldn't raise my eyebrows at it if it was my own DP

Globaluser · 23/01/2022 12:42

Does she have a dog?

Aquamarine1029 · 23/01/2022 12:42

@JaniieJones

'Seriously? Dog walking? You wouldnt allow your husband to go dog walking with a female friend?'

Its not just the dog walking is it, it's the secretiveness only saying afterwards when it had clearly been prearranged. It's the desperate 'thanks for the walk' message at 11.30pm.

Who tf texts thanks for a dog walk 🙄

Exactly. The secretiveness and the late night text are totally inappropriate concening a coworker. She is not a "friend", she's a colleague.
Iggly · 23/01/2022 12:43

Don’t ignore your spider senses with these things. It may be that your DH likes the attention etc. maybe he does like her.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 23/01/2022 12:43

Oh I missed that she was texting at 1130pm...

Yeah theres an underlying motive there. Maybe not reciprocated by him, but I wouldbt trust her with a barge pole.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/01/2022 12:43

@Witchcraftandhokum

Any sympathy I would have had vanished with you fact that you can track his phone. There is no way I could be with anyone who thought this was OK.
Dd (13) dh and I all have tracking on our phones. It’s really useful for finding out when they’ll be back instead of phoning them. I have to pick dd up from the bus some days for an after school activity and the bus can differ by 10 mins. Dh takes dd for an activity if he’s home in time. I can find out when he’s on the road so I can have a quick chat if needed so I don’t disturb him at work etc. Nothing sinister and I don’t track him when he’s out or anything.
Lemonweightloss · 23/01/2022 12:44

@ExtraOnion, exactly.

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