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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child safeguarding- who is right?

273 replies

sparkycats · 22/01/2022 19:20

Who is right in this situation?

My DH is one of the coaches for a children's sports team which DS attends. The coaches are all volunteers giving up there own time to coach the teams which all their dcs attend along with other dcs. It's busy up at the venue with lots of other teams playing of all different ages with matches against away teams too with other parents and dcs.

On the coaches group they get a message from a disgruntled parent saying that her DH arrived to pick her child up at the venue afterwards and no-one was there, they were worried about where their dc was and when they went home they found their dc9 had walked home alone. The dc had said everyone left and he was all alone so decided to walk home.

Discussions happen on the group and it turns out several of the coaches were still there 20 minutes after pick up time, and had not seen this child. More coaches comment that they saw this child on their way out at the end when coaches etc were all still around. They stopped him and asked if he was ok, he said he was, they assumed he was allowed to walk home alone. Turns out he had been dropped off unattended and the parents were late to collect.

The club is very lax on safeguarding, parents aren't told implicitly that they have to stay but all other parents do. There is no sign in/sign out procedure. Coaches keep an eye out for the kids during/after the matches as much as they can. But it's not an official club, it's run totally by volunteers and payment for membership is paid annually.

This parent/ child has form.

Who is right?

OP posts:
Mumoftwoinprimary · 22/01/2022 20:05

Simplest solution is:-

“Please note that parents are expected to remain on site at all times.”

And then have the kids line up at the end and go one at a time to their parents.

sparkycats · 22/01/2022 20:06

@Datsandcogs

Both are wrong.

The club needs to be explicit in whether children are to be supervised by parents or if the volunteers are ‘in loco parentis’. If parents can leave their children at the club then they need a system to sign children in and out that everyone understands and agrees to.

It's kind of an unspoken rule the children are not left. So I guess the coaches see if as that they are supervised by parents during games/half time/before the event starts.
OP posts:
SNUG2022 · 22/01/2022 20:08

They need registers. They need to protect themselves too.

titchy · 22/01/2022 20:08

This child and parents do have form for thinking that the rules don't apply to them. The child lies a lot and the patents take his word for it in any situation. The parents routinely leave him unattended, all other parents stay routinely.

Wow really. Safeguarding applies to all kids - not just those are well behaved with sensible parents. It doesn't matter if the kid or his parents are arseholes.

The club sounds awful frankly and needs closing down if it's so lax about keeping kids safe.

sparkycats · 22/01/2022 20:08

@LIZS

Are any volunteers dbs checked? What happens if dc need the loo, for example, especially if facilities are shared with other groups?
The parent would take them.
OP posts:
LowlyTheWorm · 22/01/2022 20:09

It needs to be clear and non- negotiable.
“The club is NOT responsible for your child and you must remain present for the duration of the session. Anyone not adhering to this will be asked to leave the club.”

Birdkin · 22/01/2022 20:09


It's kind of an unspoken rule the children are not left. So I guess the coaches see if as that they are supervised by parents during games/half time/before the event starts.”

Until they make it an actual rule they are responsible for these children. How hard is it to email the parents and say they need to stay and make sure new joiners know this. They’ve made a rod for their own backs by being so blasé about it.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 22/01/2022 20:10

Is this your kid OP?

Thesearmsofmine · 22/01/2022 20:10

They need to make it clear that a parent/guardian must stay. They really need to sort this.
I’m surprised that they aren’t dbs checked, my DH volunteers with a similar type of thing and was checked as were all the other volunteers and that it with all parents staying and no chance of them being alone with the children,

endofthelinefinally · 22/01/2022 20:11

Unspoken rules are no use at all if you are running a club for children.

Oxborn · 22/01/2022 20:11

I’m a chid welfare officer for local fb team I’d say both are to blame but the club really should have some sort of sign in/out procedure and double check that children have gone of with Adult, I think they also need to talk to the child parent regarding pick up times and letting the coach know if they are not stopping

CharlieandLolaCat · 22/01/2022 20:12

I am a volunteer at a local sports club. We are crystal clear that parents stay and we are not in loco parentis. But we are also all DBS checked.

endofthelinefinally · 22/01/2022 20:13

Some parents are absolutely lazy and irresponsible. You have to have tight rules to deal with those people and to safeguard their kids. They are always the first to complain and cause trouble.

OfstedOffred · 22/01/2022 20:15

It sounds like the club in reality is run on the basis parents must stay, in which case they need to make that crystal clear.

Thatsplentyjack · 22/01/2022 20:16

Well my ds school allow them to leave to walk home themselves from p4. My ds was 7 when he went into p4. He's 8 now but their football club (also run by parent volunteers) don't allow them to eave alone.

helpfulperson · 22/01/2022 20:16

There are faults on both sides but also a 9 year old is definitely old enough to know that they don't leave alone and if the parent isn't there they go back in. I wouldn't expect a school to supervise dismissal at that age.

JustLyra · 22/01/2022 20:17

No, my DH wasn't. But the kids are never left alone with the kids. Parents always watching nearby.

But that's not true, as this case shows...

The adults running this are setting themselve up for potential issues. There needs to be a structure in place.

If parents have to stay then someone needs to ensure on arrival that all children have an adult with them. There needs to be a proper rule, not unspoken, that no adult = no attendance.

Is this club registered with the body of the sport? I can't think of any sport that allows such lax set ups (assuming they are involved in something league wise as you mention matches).

The playscheme I ran was all volunteer staff and lead - that's not an excuse for being lax on safety and safeguarding.

If there's a membership fee and matches then it's an official club. Staff don't have to be paid for it to be official.

NoRaceInThisHorse · 22/01/2022 20:20

The club is wrong for not ensuring a safe process for collections and/or arrangements for children getting home.
They need to review this urgently. In this case no real harm was done but it could have done, so they need to learn from it.
What if child was injured somewhere on the grounds of the club, and nobody knew because they assumed all the children had left?

godmum56 · 22/01/2022 20:20

@SNUG2022

They need registers. They need to protect themselves too.
this ^^ You can't have unspoken rules. The club need to be completely clear and upfront about what responsibilities they accept and what they don't. If I was them and running games over several pitches and a wide area, I'd be saying VERY clearly that they are NOT responsible for keeping an eye on the children and that parents or a guardian MUST stay.
converseandjeans · 22/01/2022 20:22

The parents should either stay for the coaching session or arrive on time to pick them up. Coaches do have a duty of care but they aren't babysitters. The parents have a cheek complaining when they were the ones late for their own kid!

DH coaches a team and parents had been told to stay. One week he and another coach were stuck for about half an hour after training waiting for a parent. Turns out he was dropping and not actually staying even though he was told he had to. He was actually taking turns to take another boy & his parents had no idea he wasn't staying for the session.

The parents are negligent for leaving their child at that age.

This is what puts people off volunteering. Not only do you have to run the sessions and get set up & pack away etc you're also responsible when something goes wrong.

People are much quicker to criticise than help out it seems 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oddbobbyboo · 22/01/2022 20:23

Blimey, you are paid a membership. The buck lies with the club… at the very least moving forward you can learn from this. I’d just be thank ful that the child arrived home safely…. Sounds like a peodophiles dream; a place where no one wants to accept responsibility for innocent children.

converseandjeans · 22/01/2022 20:25

Also a 9 year old should know to wait for his parents. He was asked if he was ok & said he was to walk home. Surely he must have known this wasn't the case. Maybe his parents are always late.

converseandjeans · 22/01/2022 20:26

oddbobby

Sounds like a peodophiles dream; a place where no one wants to accept responsibility for innocent children.

Then maybe the parents should watch out for their child.

sparkycats · 22/01/2022 20:26

@SNUG2022

They need registers. They need to protect themselves too.
Yes. I will say this to DH. I would hate anything to happen. I did say if this child has gotten run over on the way home the coach would have been liable. They definitely need some safeguarding in place or at least an explicit contract with this written on.

I have just read through the latest contract we signed. There is a code of conduct and a contract about photography etc but absolutely nothing that explicitly says you must stay with your child. Even the whole code of conduct reads like parents are very much the spectators and there to supervise. They need to add something to the contract.

OP posts:
RepentMotherfucker · 22/01/2022 20:27

@Fucket

My ds attends a similar club, in fact you could’ve been talking about my sons sports club. When I signed him up I went along and asked them who my son should report to and who was responsible for Ensuring kids got back to parents at end of session (I wanted to go shopping). It soon became apparent there were no real safeguards and I will never leave my child unattended as often training is outside in a public park.

I get the same response, “we’re all volunteers.” That’s not going to stand in a court of law. I volunteer to help with my dd’s dance group as a chaperone, but I will never volunteer for my sons club, as I wouldn’t want to be legally responsible for the children when there is no safeguards in place.

This.

If your DH is partly responsible for the club I would be having a chat with him about whether he understands his legal responsibilities regarding safeguarding the children including finding out who would be paying for his legal fees if he were ever accused of something (e.g. he is a defendant in a court case where a child was run over after leaving the club because he happened to be last on site).

Because I wouldn't do anything involving children if there weren't crystal clear safeguarding procedures and lines of accountability and this sounds like it's being run by people who really don't get any of that.