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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have an off feeling about him?

117 replies

ell06 · 22/01/2022 14:51

I have been seeing a guy for about 8 weeks and at first it was lovely. He was kind and attentive and funny.

I've more or less stayed every weekend since our second date and more and more things are annoying me.

He was showing me videos on his phone and a chat popped down from Snapchat (we'll call her Emma).

I didn't say anything.

I looked at his Instagram and found "Emma", she lives in the same town as him and has an only fans. He follows her personal and her only fans instagrams.

He's liked most half naked photos of her.

I went to the pub with him last weekend and met his friends (they were all lovely and a mix of male and female). His female friends (they've all been friends since secondary school) all said to me that I must be special as they've only met two other girls who were girlfriends and that he's trustworthy and loyal and a genuinely nice person.

We had both had a drink and I saw Emma pop up on his phone again, I asked who she was and he repeated her name like he needed time to think then said "oh she's lovely I'll introduce you" 🤨 hasn't mentioned it since.

I had an op yesterday and came to stay at his last night, he's got a cold, barely asked me how I was feeling and this morning seemed really off going to work.

Little things are annoying me like how he made himself lunch today, sat next to me and ate it and never offered me any, I'd never do this to anyone who was at my house whilst I was eating.

I just have this feeling he's going to end up hurting me and it's a feeling at the pit of my stomach I can't explain. I think it's showing as I'm not myself around him at the minute and honestly I don't know why I keep coming back apart from the fact I like/liked him and who he seemed as a person.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Ancientdreams · 22/01/2022 14:57

That’s shocking about the lunch. Didn’t you say anything.

I think you’ve got him sussed and you should call it a day now.

BornIn78 · 22/01/2022 15:00

8 weeks in and you’ve gone to stay at his to recover from from an op?

Did he actually invite you to stay and offer to look after you or did you just presume.

Either way, too much too soon, what a passion killer.

RedCandyApple · 22/01/2022 15:02

This sounds really full on for 8 weeks

pinkyredrose · 22/01/2022 15:09

Can't believe he didn't offer you lunch, did you say anything?

ProudThrilledHappy · 22/01/2022 15:12

He made and ate lunch in front of you? Sounds to me like he didn’t want you there and was hinting at it by not including you. If not he’s just a selfish prick and to be honest those never improve, this is your early warning

RedCandyApple · 22/01/2022 15:12

With the lunch is that his way of saying you’ve overstayed? If he’s not well I imagine he last thing he wants is to look after someone else? I can’t imagine staying with someone after an op that I had only been with for 2 months

Original poster
ell06 · 22/01/2022 15:25

I didn't want to come yesterday, he called and I said I was staying home but he said to come to his so he could look after me?

I was going home today and he called and asked if I'd stay another night. This is what I mean. It's confusing.

I wouldn't ever push myself on anyone, I wanted to stay home and look after myself plus he's got the cold I've had and I thought it would be best to leave him rest. I didn't ask to come he asked me to.

I've realised he's actually quite selfish after eating lunch in front of me without offering me anything at all. It's just another thing to add to the list over the last few weeks.

OP posts:
Freecuthbert · 22/01/2022 15:29

I wouldn't want to date someone who follows only fans accounts.

EmmasMum12 · 22/01/2022 15:30

Way too much too soon. Its only been 8 weeks. But at least you now know he's a twat. Get rid

Pleaseuniverseplease · 22/01/2022 15:33

@Freecuthbert

I wouldn't want to date someone who follows only fans accounts.
Neither would I.
DowntonCrabby · 22/01/2022 15:35

Nope, you’re worth more than all of this. Chuck him.

NormanStangerson · 22/01/2022 15:37

Time to leave. It’s only been eight weeks, just go home and don’t bother speaking to him again.

3scape · 22/01/2022 15:39

So hes openly following porn (albeit home made porn) and ignoring your needs. Not worth a great deal of effort. Despite what the friends say. I suspect the friends only see the few who tolerate his behaviour for that long. He sounds awful.

timestheyarechanging · 22/01/2022 15:41

You are absolutely right to your 'off feeling' is wise! Please find someone better who deserves you Thanks

StruggleStreet · 22/01/2022 15:45

I’m not totally sure how only fans works. Does that essentially mean that he pays a woman he knows to send him explicit videos? And he’s saying ‘she’s really nice, I’ll introduce you’. If I’ve got that right, that’s fucking weird and creepy and I wouldn’t want anything to do with him. He doesn’t respect women.

VelvetChairGirl · 22/01/2022 15:50

I dont know why lunch bothered you if you didnt ask for any, I grow up in a home where each person ate when they wanted, your meals are you own not a family affair its not christmas.

isthismylifenow · 22/01/2022 15:52

Always follow your gut feel!

I would make an excuse and just go home. You'll get a less stressful rest there by the sounds of things.

HopelesslyOptimistic · 22/01/2022 15:56

Dump the selfish twat. Excuse my expletive I only use it when people are complete Twats. How dare he eat in front of you and not offer. Get rid, move on and be happy girl!

evtheria · 22/01/2022 16:00

I think you know enough to have decided, and luckily for you it’s quite early on so no great loss.

Zonder · 22/01/2022 16:01

Too many red flags.

Santahasjoinedww · 22/01/2022 16:01

Betting he wants you to stay for sex... Get rid op. Go home and look after yourself... He isn't capable or willing..

Fatherliamdeliverance · 22/01/2022 16:08

I'd follow your gut here.

Not sure what's going on with Emma, whether he knows her or is an only fans client (or whatever the word is) but I would find a man publicly showing his appreciation of another woman's sexy photos very offputting.

Lunch was rude if he had invited you.

Tistheseason17 · 22/01/2022 16:09

Dump him.

AlDanvers · 22/01/2022 16:14

So when he made his punch he never said 'do you want anything?' Or ' I am making some lunch, are you hungry?'

And you are not at the stage that you both just make meals as you want them when staying at eachothers?

Original poster
ell06 · 22/01/2022 16:15

Thanks everyone

I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable here and just want to go home. I don't understand why he invited me.

OP posts:
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