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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have an off feeling about him?

117 replies

ell06 · 22/01/2022 14:51

I have been seeing a guy for about 8 weeks and at first it was lovely. He was kind and attentive and funny.

I've more or less stayed every weekend since our second date and more and more things are annoying me.

He was showing me videos on his phone and a chat popped down from Snapchat (we'll call her Emma).

I didn't say anything.

I looked at his Instagram and found "Emma", she lives in the same town as him and has an only fans. He follows her personal and her only fans instagrams.

He's liked most half naked photos of her.

I went to the pub with him last weekend and met his friends (they were all lovely and a mix of male and female). His female friends (they've all been friends since secondary school) all said to me that I must be special as they've only met two other girls who were girlfriends and that he's trustworthy and loyal and a genuinely nice person.

We had both had a drink and I saw Emma pop up on his phone again, I asked who she was and he repeated her name like he needed time to think then said "oh she's lovely I'll introduce you" 🤨 hasn't mentioned it since.

I had an op yesterday and came to stay at his last night, he's got a cold, barely asked me how I was feeling and this morning seemed really off going to work.

Little things are annoying me like how he made himself lunch today, sat next to me and ate it and never offered me any, I'd never do this to anyone who was at my house whilst I was eating.

I just have this feeling he's going to end up hurting me and it's a feeling at the pit of my stomach I can't explain. I think it's showing as I'm not myself around him at the minute and honestly I don't know why I keep coming back apart from the fact I like/liked him and who he seemed as a person.

What would you do?

OP posts:
RedCandyApple · 22/01/2022 16:18

@AlDanvers

So when he made his punch he never said 'do you want anything?' Or ' I am making some lunch, are you hungry?'

And you are not at the stage that you both just make meals as you want them when staying at eachothers?

With someone you’ve only known 8 weeks you would start making your own meals in their house?
TooWicked · 22/01/2022 16:20

I didn't want to come yesterday, he called and I said I was staying home but he said to come to his so he could look after me?

I was going home today and he called and asked if I'd stay another night.

These are requests, not demands.

And even if they were, you don’t have to stay.

Go home.

SoItWas · 22/01/2022 16:20

It's just another thing to add to the list over the last few weeks"

2 weeks, is a quarter of your relationship? If it's been 4 weeks + that's more than half the time you've been together? Did you date long, before you decided to be serious?

It's way, way too soon, for you to feel this annoyed by him/untrusting etc. This should be the honeymoon phase? I would trust your gut, and end things.

AlDanvers · 22/01/2022 16:24

With someone you’ve only known 8 weeks you would start making your own meals in their house?

Depends. Which is why I tries to clarify if they were in that place.

With me and my dp, if I had been staying every weekend then yes we would have done that. In other relationships, it would be no. But in those relationships I wouldn't have been opting to spend all weekend, every weekend with them either.

DrManhattan · 22/01/2022 16:26

Urghhh only fans? Wtf. Get rid.

dipdye · 22/01/2022 16:30

He sounds awful. Get rid

cushioncovers · 22/01/2022 16:40

Trust your gut op. Don't doubt yourself.

ThreeRingCircus · 22/01/2022 16:41

Following Only Fans.....ick and a massive sign he has no respect for women.

Not offering you any lunch......a clear signal he thinks you've overstayed your welcome, or he's just a selfish prick. Either way, trust your gut and move on from this guy.

Loopytiles · 22/01/2022 16:44

Ew, avoid!

Original poster
ell06 · 22/01/2022 16:44

He always tells me to help myself but I don't feel comfortable enough to just make myself lunch. It's not my home.

Also forgot to mention he asked me to grab some Sudafed from his bedside drawer when I was up there and right at the back were some
Viagra, I counted them and there are 10 and have been for a couple of weeks and we've had sex since and he seems fine? As in doesn't have any trouble in that department and no health issues as far as I know. He's early thirties:

It's a shame as I actually liked who he was.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 22/01/2022 16:51

I don’t know what only fan is, but that aside it sounds like you’ve both rushed in a bit too soon, before you really know each other. Go home. Get some space. Think seriously.

PuppyMonkey · 22/01/2022 16:52

Well fair enough some people were brought up in a casual “help yourself” household - but tbf he did specifically suggest OP stays with him so he could “look after her.”Confused

I think it all sounds a bit too much like hard work at 8 weeks in, give him the elbow and go home OP.

Loveisthere · 22/01/2022 16:53

Op he does not come across as a kind caring person at all. He invited you to his place to look after you but clearly looking after you is not feeding you so what is he actually doing to look after you? Please dump this pr@@ you deserve so much better. Hope you recover soonFlowers

Fatherliamdeliverance · 22/01/2022 17:22

Definitely head home tonight if you're feeling uncomfortable.

icelolly12 · 22/01/2022 17:30

@VelvetChairGirl

I dont know why lunch bothered you if you didnt ask for any, I grow up in a home where each person ate when they wanted, your meals are you own not a family affair its not christmas.
Erm really? So when you are a Guest in somebody's house you just help yourself when you are hungry? When you host someone, have friends over or a partner you wouldn't think it rude to eat a meal in front of them without offering them anything?! This is not her home, she was a guest at his.
Original poster
ell06 · 22/01/2022 18:13

I've had a glass and half of wine so I'll leave tomorrow.

I don't understand really, I know it all happened fast but it felt right I guess and now I feel like an idiot.

He just asked me what I was cooking for dinner, I said nothing unless you want to make it and he's sat texting his friends and playing PlayStation. Can't believe I fell for his nice guy persona but I'm obviously just a mug.

OP posts:
pictish · 22/01/2022 18:24

You’re not a mug! He presented a different persona to begin with and you took it at face value…what else can you be expected to do?
It’s what you do now that determines things…when you have that sinking feeling you’d best heed it. It’s your instinct telling things aren’t right.

I think the lunch was very telling. I’d have been taken aback and embarrassed by that. I’m not surprised you want to leave.

Firelilly67 · 22/01/2022 18:25

Sounds a lot like my ex. Controlling, narcissistic and thoughtless. Oh and super charming, all his friends think he’s lovely. I ended up in a woman’s refuge and lost everything I’ve ever owned. I get this is extreme, but it started out like this.

MadMadMadamMim · 22/01/2022 18:27

I'd just dump him. Your second sentence literally says more and more things are annoying me.

8 weeks in, get rid.

Honeyroar · 22/01/2022 18:27

Can you not get a taxi home or someone to pick you up? He sounds really horrible. Don’t let him talk to you like that.

YourVagesty · 22/01/2022 18:33

The OnlyFans thing would be the end of it for me. I'd have to dump him.

ChiefInspectorParker · 22/01/2022 18:39

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Santahasjoinedww · 22/01/2022 18:41

So your Saturday night is fawning over a man child gaming? - in his eyes!! And if you don't cook you get nowt made for you? Get a taxi op.

scorpiogirly · 22/01/2022 18:44

All of it. The only fans. Messages from Emma which seem quite frequent and the lunch thing. No.

2DogsOnMySofa · 22/01/2022 18:51

The lunch thing would be a deal breaker for me