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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have an off feeling about him?

117 replies

ell06 · 22/01/2022 14:51

I have been seeing a guy for about 8 weeks and at first it was lovely. He was kind and attentive and funny.

I've more or less stayed every weekend since our second date and more and more things are annoying me.

He was showing me videos on his phone and a chat popped down from Snapchat (we'll call her Emma).

I didn't say anything.

I looked at his Instagram and found "Emma", she lives in the same town as him and has an only fans. He follows her personal and her only fans instagrams.

He's liked most half naked photos of her.

I went to the pub with him last weekend and met his friends (they were all lovely and a mix of male and female). His female friends (they've all been friends since secondary school) all said to me that I must be special as they've only met two other girls who were girlfriends and that he's trustworthy and loyal and a genuinely nice person.

We had both had a drink and I saw Emma pop up on his phone again, I asked who she was and he repeated her name like he needed time to think then said "oh she's lovely I'll introduce you" 🤨 hasn't mentioned it since.

I had an op yesterday and came to stay at his last night, he's got a cold, barely asked me how I was feeling and this morning seemed really off going to work.

Little things are annoying me like how he made himself lunch today, sat next to me and ate it and never offered me any, I'd never do this to anyone who was at my house whilst I was eating.

I just have this feeling he's going to end up hurting me and it's a feeling at the pit of my stomach I can't explain. I think it's showing as I'm not myself around him at the minute and honestly I don't know why I keep coming back apart from the fact I like/liked him and who he seemed as a person.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Nailsbythesea · 22/01/2022 18:52

Call a cab. He called you over to cook and housemaid and supply sex not to LOOK AFTER you -gosh it's 7pm -just go! And say

'Hi, I've just called a cab, I'm shattered and need to go home see you later' -does he have a key -if so I'd make an excuse to get it back -need to lend it to a friend etc and then text and dump when you are out of there.

He's asking you (when you are recovering) what YOU are cooking for him in HIS home -ick ick ick

Queenoftheashes · 22/01/2022 18:56

Yes leave now. He’s gross, rude and annoying.

Original poster
ell06 · 22/01/2022 18:57

I'm at his, I don't have a key and he doesn't have a key to mine.

I'm 29 to PP and 6 months out of a 10 year relationship.

I don't know if I was just lonely or what but yeah I feel tearful and shit.

It would be £50 to get a taxi home.

OP posts:
Original poster
ell06 · 22/01/2022 18:57

Can't believe this is the same "gentleman" who took me to Winter Wonderland and won me over with his "kindness".

OP posts:
Blue4YOU · 22/01/2022 18:58

OP if you drove there, get a cab and come back and get a cab home this evening.
If you can’t say anything to him about how you feel say you feel a bit ill. Leave and do not cook for him

pinkyredrose · 22/01/2022 19:00

He's got a funny idea of looking after you. Did he just want you there for a shag?

Honeyroar · 22/01/2022 19:00

It’s be worth the £50 imo. If not you’re going to sit there feeling hungry and upset while he texts friends- and probably tries to sleep with you later!

Blue4YOU · 22/01/2022 19:01

£50 or feel uncomfortable all evening… ?
Train?
Bus?

Ragruggers · 22/01/2022 19:02

Is there any public transport you could get?or a friend who could pick you up.Just tell him you are not feeling well and need to go home.Do not cook for him.Narrow escape I think.

pictish · 22/01/2022 19:08

She’d have to travel back to get the car tomorrow - she can’t go home tonight…or at least not without a whole lot of palaver and money.
What a nightmare. Suggest a takeaway, fall asleep on the sofa, leave at 6am.

pastypirate · 22/01/2022 19:17

What they said - get a taxi and chalk it up to experience x

BobHadBitchTits · 22/01/2022 19:18

Is your dignity not worth £50?

KatherineJaneway · 22/01/2022 19:29

Little things are annoying me like how he made himself lunch today, sat next to me and ate it and never offered me any, I'd never do this to anyone who was at my house whilst I was eating.

That's a complete turn off. The 'feel free to make it yourself' sounds like laziness rather than make yourself at home vibes.

ThreeRingCircus · 22/01/2022 19:30

I'd also get a cab OP, just say you're shattered and not feeling great after the operation so you need to get home.

ChiefInspectorParker · 22/01/2022 19:30

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

knittingaddict · 22/01/2022 19:34

@BornIn78

8 weeks in and you’ve gone to stay at his to recover from from an op?

Did he actually invite you to stay and offer to look after you or did you just presume.

Either way, too much too soon, what a passion killer.

I was surprised by that too.

I would not be expecting emotional or practical support 8 weeks after meeting someone. Lovely if they give it, but I think that's asking too much. It's the same as asking a friend of 8 weeks to take you in and help you recover. I don't think many would be happy to do that.

knittingaddict · 22/01/2022 19:37

Ah, so he was the one pushing for that? The same applies really. Too much, too soon and no follow through. At least you've found out now rather than months or years down the line.

Lookingoutside · 22/01/2022 19:44

‘I just have this feeling he's going to end up hurting me and it's a feeling at the pit of my stomach I can't explain.’

He’s hurting you now. You CAN explain the feeling in the pit of your stomach and you know it. Trust that feeling and finish with him.

That’ll shock the cunt.

pompomsgalore · 22/01/2022 19:46

I'd have left straight after the lunch incident. I had a bf that would make themselves a cup of tea without offering me. I ended it. Totally intolerable. Get yourself home when you can.

Original poster
ell06 · 22/01/2022 19:51

I think it hurts because I would do anything for anyone, give my last bit of food to my guest, wouldn't ask somebody round to make them feel unwelcome.

I'm going to go to sleep in a bit and then go home first thing. I only finished the second glass and won't have anymore so I can drive in the morning, I'll make myself a couple bits of toast or something whilst he's still asleep.

OP posts:
Lemonweightloss · 22/01/2022 19:54

@ell06, if you really can't get a taxi home and it has to be tomorrow just act as normal as you can with him. By that, I mean no heated discussions or anything inflammatory ( I'm not being dramatic. You don't really know him). Get something to eat, and get in bed. Tell him you don't feel well then as a pp said, 6am up and out and, as another pp said, learn from it then it hasn't been a waste.
You're not an idiot. You're going to be just fine and you deserve much better.

Lemonweightloss · 22/01/2022 19:56

@ell06, sorry we cross posted.
You sound really lovely. Too good for this tool.

Fatherliamdeliverance · 22/01/2022 20:00

Good plan, early night then home in the morning. Better than having to come back again for your car. Don't worry yourself about this, you spotted all the signs of a man who's not up to your standards early.

Freecuthbert · 22/01/2022 20:05

I'm going to against the grain here wrt getting a taxi home tonight. Personally I would stay the night and go home tomorrow in the day, save myself the £50, as I'm assuming you are not at any immediate risk (he sounds like a massive twat, and I've already made my position known in previous post about Only Fans, but not necessarily a threat to you). £50 would be a lot of money to me that I wouldn't be too willing to lose, so I guess it depends how much difference the £50 would make to you. I know people are saying £50 is worth it for your dignity, but I don't think one night will make much difference to your dignity. As long as you don't have sex with him knowing how you feel. Can always "fall asleep" on the sofa if needed. And I don't think you are a mug at all, you've sussed him out within a few weeks. Some women hang onto losers like this for months and years kidding themselves he is such a nice guy and overlooking all the red flags.

Original poster
ell06 · 22/01/2022 20:06

Thanks everyone

I'm definitely not sleeping with him ever again and I don't feel at risk with him so I'm fine to sleep the night.

£50 is a lot for me to lose on a taxi tonight.

OP posts: