Grief Vampire

[Beebopbopbopbopbop]

Ok I don’t think I am actually being unreasonable but happy to be told otherwise.

I have an old friend who seems to absolutely make a song and dance about every death of someone she even vaguely knows, but emotional Facebook posts etc.

As an example when we are secondary school a boy a few years above is died. She didn’t know him well - but think her brother was friend with him. She posts a memorial every single year on Facebook (we are now in our very late thirties - the photo she uses predates digital). It’s always with a big heartfelt “gone but not forgotten etc”.

Second example - bloke from a local shop died. She asked me if I’d be going to the funeral as she was.

Aibu to find it absolutely weird and bizarre. What do people get out of this behaviour?

They get attention. I have a family member like this. It is absolutely appalling when it is your grief they are stealing, so I feel your pain.

Agree. I honestly hope that no one from the family see her posts. I think I’d be furious if I were one them.

One of my friends husband is like this. A professional mourner. Totally attention seeking and disrespectful to the close family and friends of all the people he posts about.

Does she also post inspiring quotes or daily ‘I have x y z but I keep it to myself’ posts? Or the classic ‘let’s see who’s reading this ya da ya da repost bullshit’?
A relative I know does a yearly remembrance post and shares losing a child posts with reference to her loss (mummy misses you Angel)…..she lost her cat.
What gets me is some people actually show sympathy. On a space where people are grieving their lost children. Family members that know it’s a fucking cat she is on about.

My husbands niece does this, she even takes photos at funerals and has ones taken of her looking pensively at the flowers etc.

Also on the anniversary of someone dying she sets up 'tributes' to them, a photo, a candle then her, her dh and two kids place their hands in a circle around it and she takes a photo with some filter and adds some awful text.

The lot, including the funeral photos gets put onto Facebook.

I find myself getting quite angry on the dead persons behalf, I've already told dh that when I die he'd better not let her make my death about her and not allow her to take any photos.

@Scrabblecrabapple oh you know her?
Yes and lots of those passive aggressive “you really know who your friends are when bad things happen” quiote type posts

@SunflowerSmith wow the photo is n the anniversary is next level! Is her DH also an idiot?

I have a friend like this too. She's always posting, to the extent that my DP calls her the Grim Reaper, as it seems like every friend she's ever had just dies! (Although I'm sure she's not really friends with many of them).

Worse is, people comment saying sorry for your loss. The vast majority aren't HER loss at all. It just encourages her!

[quote Beebopbopbopbopbop]@SunflowerSmith wow the photo is n the anniversary is next level! Is her DH also an idiot?[/quote]
He doesn't post much other than gushing wedding anniversary things, stuff about how they endure hardships but plough through with never ending love.

His niece likes attention all the time, lots of pouty selfies, "checking in" to hospital and posts about how her time is always given to helping others (it's not).

Another family member is a cancer nurse and genuinely does help others yet never feels the need to put it on socal media.

It’s the “me, me, me” culture that social media has entertained. Just no.

@FlibbertyGibbitt

It’s the “me, me, me” culture that social media has entertained. Just no.

To be fair I don’t want to conflate the irritating SM stuff. She was already like this before social media.

I’ve just recalled another woman like this but who was more into going to funerals. As a student I worked in a pub and honestly she must have gone to about one a week.
It wasn’t so much the “faux grief” with her (I got a feeling it may have been more the free buffet). We called her “Funeral Sue”

I think it's because they don't have much in the way of genuine feelings and are lacking empathy. They nearly always enjoy drama I find, because it's the only way they can "feel". Life is a big performance with them in centre stage.

I have some family members like this - when my DH died there was much sobbing and wailing, in spite of the fact they barely knew him. My mother demanded I send flowers on her behalf because she was "too upset".

People generally don't change their behaviour, so no point in asking them to stop. Avoid if the histrionics become unbearable.

I know two people like this. We call them the knitters at the guillotine. One of my friends had terminal cancer and they won't leave her alone, they barely knew her except through me!

My cousin is the same. Everyone that dies within a 3 mile radius of somewhere she has ever been get a Facebook post and her going on about how they were her best friend and she is just in shock. The daughter of one person commented once saying she didn’t realise they were so close and how they must have missed each other at the hospital/hospice (clearly making a dig about my cousin exaggerating). My cousin isn’t very bright and said oh yes we were so close we told each other everything.
She also tried to fight my step sister at my stepdads funeral because she had told her to calm down. My stepdad had always hated her and wanted nothing to do with her so would avoid her and only ever see her at funerals (very justified). At his funeral she was telling people he was like another father to her they were so close, she sat on the floor and loudly sobbed -with no tears, when she was told to move from the front row so his actual kids, partner and grandson could sit there - that’s when she was told to calm down.

I have people like this in my life. One said his grief was worse than mine when I lost my baby son as he wouldn't get to be a proper uncle

I have a colleague whose husband died young. Every year people she doesn't know and who did not attend his funeral put Facebook posts up about him.
It really upsets her.

I’ve had people do this. It’s very strange. My impression was that they were thoroughly bored with their lives and trying to feel something vicariously. They didn’t have the empathy to realise this might be hard for others.

My half sister did this a few years after my mother died. She called me in floods of tears because one day her own mother is going to die and she knows exactly how I feel…. 🙄 I could hardly contain my anger.

I know one. All " fly high with the angles" and into letting off balloons

I have a colleague whose husband died young. Every year people she doesn't know and who did not attend his funeral put Facebook posts up about him.
It really upsets her.

Omg that is awful.

@GeidiPrimes your mam asked you to send flowers from her to your husbands funeral!? That is mad.

Ya I have a few of these too. "28 years since you passed and not a day goes by I don't think of you" that's just not true. Also "I already know who will repost this" and some crap then about being there if you need them.