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AIBU?

very embarrassing question...

109 replies

TheGreatBobinsky · 21/01/2022 22:52

I'm not sure if I should be worried about something that happened when I gave birth. My child is now 6 so definitely not a recent event but it still plays on my mind and has made me very insecure about my body. It is extremely embarrassing and I have name changed because I don't want anyone knowing about it.

So when I had my child I was induced, it was a very quick labour for a first baby, I was alone (they had sent my partner home and didn't believe me telling them I was in labour until it was too late) and I needed an episiotomy and forceps without pain relief so it was fairly traumatic (I know others have been through worse). When it was over the person stitching me up suddenly stood up and left the room exclaiming 'I'm going to be sick'. She seemed utterly disgusted and I feel like my genitals must be a complete mess because she must have stitched up plenty of women before that. Nobody commented at all, the room was full of so many people and I felt so ashamed.

Admittedly my partner has never commented or complained and I try not to think about it and just push all thoughts of it out of my mind but I just don't feel normal. It still plays on my mind now and I put off going to check ups like cervical smear tests and it's the reason I won't have a coil because I feel like I'm so disgusting that I make medical professionals feel sick.

AIBU to think that there was something wrong with happened even if I can't do anything about it now?

OP posts:

Report

Am I being unreasonable?

452 votes. Final results.

POLL

You are being unreasonable

71%

You are NOT being unreasonable

29%

HollowTalk · 21/01/2022 22:55

Might she have been pregnant and unable to control her morning sickness? I really very much doubt that she was disgusted by you. Were you on gas and air? That can make you remember wrongly.

ImInStealthMode · 21/01/2022 22:56

Oh love. Do you not think the fact that nobody mentioned or acknowledged it could be because she was pregnant herself or otherwise pre-disposed to being sick and they knew that? Although it's poor form it wasn't explained to you at the time.

I'm certain it wasn't because of any particularly gory scene (they've literally seen it all before) xx

DropYourSword · 21/01/2022 22:56

I have sewn up many vaginas. It's just a job - honestly there would have been nothing at all about you that would have provoked this reaction.

You said she was female - I'd be assuming she was pregnant! It was sometimes hellish to work clinically with morning sickness!

Please don't for a second think this was on you at all. I think she was just genuinely sick.

user1473878824 · 21/01/2022 22:57

Oh OP, you poor thing. I voted YABU because of COURSE you didn’t make them feel sick and I feel so sad for you that you’ve felt like this for six years. Whatever happened, my guess would be not used to stitching anyone or anything up, illness, a hangover (literally anything other than your bits!!), they were unprofessional not to apologise and explain they just weren’t well.

Mo1911 · 21/01/2022 22:59

I'm as sure as I possibly can be that it was not you that made her sick.

She may have been pregnant herself, when I was pregnant I was sick all the time and often at a moments notice or she may have eaten something a bit iffy and it had gone for her tummy. There's likely to have been umpteen things more likely to have caused her tummy upset than you. That said I can completely understand that it has become a belief that you hold and that can be difficult to shift. Possibly an appointment with your practice nurse or GP just to discuss this might help when you're not under any obligation to show anyone anything. I

People come in all shapes and sizes snd I'm guessing that if your partner hasn't mentioned anything then there's probably nothing to mention.

Take care of yourself.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/01/2022 22:59

I would bet my house them feeling sick had nothing to do with you or your body. Let this go, op.

AliveAndSleeping · 21/01/2022 22:59

Pretty sure it's not caused by your genitals. Why would that make anyone sick to the extent that they have to leave the room? It might have been the smell of blood and she probably wasn't well or pregnant like pp have said. It's also possible that looking down or whatever while stitching you up made her feel sick. I'm 100% sure it was nothing specific about you.

FlasherMcGruff · 21/01/2022 23:01

Your poor thing. I can only think that as it was her job, it wasn’t your body that made her feel sick but genuine nausea that she had to alert her colleagues to which is why she said it aloud rather than just thinking it. She clearly didn’t connect you to it or think that you would and be offended.

Hellocatshome · 21/01/2022 23:02

She was probably just ill or pregnant.

6demandingchildren · 21/01/2022 23:03

I'm sure a professional would not have mentioned being sick if your genitalia caused it, like others have said she was probably pregnant.

Babyvenusplant · 21/01/2022 23:04

It would not have been about you honestly

Hugasauras · 21/01/2022 23:05

Definitely either pregnant or ill!

Sn0tnose · 21/01/2022 23:05

I don’t think it was anything to do with you. Your partner has never mentioned anything and if you’ve had a child, I’m assuming you would have had various examinations that didn’t cause any medical professionals any concern.

I think what she said was insensitive and incredibly badly timed, but I don’t think it was connected to you, unless it was the very first time she’d done it and it wasn’t as easy as she’d thought it would be.

Sunnysideup999 · 21/01/2022 23:06

I had a medical student nearly pass out as she watched me being stiched up! She looked horrified and white as a ghost.
So what - it happens .
She was unprofessional to say that but it wouldn’t have been to do with you .

TokenGinger · 21/01/2022 23:06

It was completely wrong of her to say, but when I first read that, I didn't think it was about what your genitals might look like. I thought she was saying it imagining the pain you must be in. Like if I see somebody being butchered on tv, it turns my stomach, not because it looks foul, but seeing that happen to another human makes me feel sympathy pains for them.

MrsBertBibby · 21/01/2022 23:10

Bless you, I am sure your bits are fine.

It's rubbish how little information we get after birth. I still feel like I have no real knowledge of what happened.

Can you get a mirror and take a look?

KilmordenCastle · 21/01/2022 23:11

Honest to God OP it wasn't your genitals! I would guess the same as PP's that she was probably pregnant or unwell.

MerryPoppings · 21/01/2022 23:12

I had a traumatic labour followed by EMCS. As I was being stiched up I heard the doctor talking to another doctor saying "I'm really worried about her, I don't think she's going to make it". I was petrified, thinking they were either talking about me or my newborn DD. Kind of lay there in silent panic not knowing what to do or say. As the conversation continued it turned out they were talking about a medical student/newly qualified collegue who wasn't coping with her exams or something like that. It's so easy to make wrong assumptions!

Although I still think that wasn't the best time for the doctors to be gossiping about a colleague!

Daisy95 · 21/01/2022 23:15

From experience as a health care professional in theatres ive literally had to throw up mid procedure (lucikly my patients are mostly anaesthetised) when I was pregnant. Honestly the waves just hit you hard. Although I believe she should have apologised afterwards she 100% was not sick due to you or what you looked like. It most certainly was a sickness bug or pregnancy.
Honestly once you see a procedure once you barely even notice body parts anymore, you become desensitised to them.
Please don’t let this be on your mind.

TheGreatBobinsky · 21/01/2022 23:17

I didn't have any gas and air, it is possible I don't remember everything completely accurately but there are a few parts that I remember so vividly that I'm certain off. It is possible she was pregnant or ill of course its just that the timing seems so coincidental.

OP posts:

skaiqhdlsgh · 21/01/2022 23:19

I would have assumed pregnant too, my midwife for my second was pregnant. I didn't realise until after I had given birth and then I asked her how she coped with the job when pregnant as I'd had such bad sickness during my pregnancies.

j712adrian · 21/01/2022 23:21

This reply has been deleted

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SuspiciousHumanoid · 21/01/2022 23:21

Oh darling, it wasn’t anything to do with you, like other posters have said, she was either ill or pregnant.

LoveFall · 21/01/2022 23:22

I am sorry that happened to you OP and you have had it on your mind for so long.

Health care professionals are human and have all the human foibles. It is unfortunate she said she was going to be sick but I'm betting it was nothing to do with you.

I was once assisting in a skin grafting procedure while working on a burn unit. It was the height of summer and very hot in the little room. The process takes a long time and the patient was gripping my hand.

I started to feel sick and faint, and had to rush out of the room and sink down the wall to sit on the floor so I wouldn't keel over.

It was nothing to do with the patient or his burns. I just had a funny spell, but I don't think anyone explained that to him either.

I would try to talk it through with someone and then try to forget it.

Changemaname1 · 21/01/2022 23:22

Ah bless you op there’s no way it was about you honestly pregnant herself or unwell 100 percent

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