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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

very embarrassing question...

109 replies

TheGreatBobinsky · 21/01/2022 22:52

I'm not sure if I should be worried about something that happened when I gave birth. My child is now 6 so definitely not a recent event but it still plays on my mind and has made me very insecure about my body. It is extremely embarrassing and I have name changed because I don't want anyone knowing about it.

So when I had my child I was induced, it was a very quick labour for a first baby, I was alone (they had sent my partner home and didn't believe me telling them I was in labour until it was too late) and I needed an episiotomy and forceps without pain relief so it was fairly traumatic (I know others have been through worse). When it was over the person stitching me up suddenly stood up and left the room exclaiming 'I'm going to be sick'. She seemed utterly disgusted and I feel like my genitals must be a complete mess because she must have stitched up plenty of women before that. Nobody commented at all, the room was full of so many people and I felt so ashamed.

Admittedly my partner has never commented or complained and I try not to think about it and just push all thoughts of it out of my mind but I just don't feel normal. It still plays on my mind now and I put off going to check ups like cervical smear tests and it's the reason I won't have a coil because I feel like I'm so disgusting that I make medical professionals feel sick.

AIBU to think that there was something wrong with happened even if I can't do anything about it now?

OP posts:
Buttermuffin · 22/01/2022 06:54

It sounds like you had a traumatic experience with the birth. Is it possible this incident has become a focus for you?

Perhaps you need to speak to someone about the birth?

Buttermuffin · 22/01/2022 06:58

j712adrian

Oh, one of my ex GFs had had a daft amount of stitches. Used to like going down on her and I had no idea, she told me about the stitches.

Buttermuffin · 22/01/2022 07:01

j712adrian

Oh, one of my ex GFs had had a daft amount of stitches. Used to like going down on her and I had no idea, she told me about the stitches.

And? That's got nothing to do with the traumatic experience the OP had when she had a forceps delivery without painkillers. You're condescending comment is not appropriate. The OP doesn't need your approval of wen who has stitches you know? Grim on so many levels.

Oceanrudeness · 22/01/2022 07:08

Hi OP, I'm not a midwife but a nurse so not quite the same. However, when I was pregnant with both kids I had a nightmare at work as certain 'work-related smells' (i.e. Blood, poo etc. I could even smell other people's spit) made me feel really ill. Jobs like changing dressings really set me off and I'd often have to make an excuse to leave the room, at speed!

Cappuccino17 · 22/01/2022 07:10

I think straight after birth many ladies feels insecure about themselves. So anything anyone says may have felt its all about you because that's what you are focusing on. But believe me this wouldn't have been about you at all.
Medical professionals see so much. this person has seen a baby come through and etc etc all the goriness of labour how is some stitching going to make her sick.
She may be working long hours/ had a headache/pregnant/sick because she ate something unpleasant I mean a thousand reasons and it's not you. Plus I doubt a trained professional would ever say they're going to be sick out loud if they knew it'd offend the patient. So clearly it was another reason.

RedBeetroot12 · 22/01/2022 07:20

She may have felt extremely nauseous at the whole experience of you going through something so traumatic and ‘savage’ without any pain relief! That’s enough to make any woman feel queasy 😬 No way would it have been anything to do with your nether regions 😅 Probably her first time doing the stitching and the extreme pressure to get things right alongside all the flesh and blood was enough to push her over the edge!

Ddot · 22/01/2022 07:22

It doesn't matter what any of us say to reassure you. Get a mirror and google lady bits and see for yourself. We are all made the same, just differ in shape slightly. Do this then go get your smear xxxxx

SavBbunny · 22/01/2022 07:24

And dont go looking at saucy pictures for comparison. Lots of girls in the adult entertainment industry have surgery to appear pubescent. It is just weird. Most men are just happy with 'game on' We are all shapes and sizes.

notanothertakeaway · 22/01/2022 08:07

OP, I think many of us worry a little that our genital look a bit different from other people

What helped me was looking at people's noses, and seeing that yes, they are all rather different, but just variations on a theme

Jumpalicious · 22/01/2022 08:13

Honestly, nothing about you. Even if you - anyone - had the most “disgusting” wounds, no medic would ever say this. Must have been unrelated, eg as pp say, her pregnancy sickness etc. 💐

NoSquirrels · 22/01/2022 08:26

Everyone else has reassured you brilliantly. I thought I’d just offer some next steps advice.

Book a GP appointment. Tell them your worries around this and that you’re avoiding smear tests and contraception like the coil. They should be able to reassure you and arrange your smear to be done with sensitivity.

Flowers
theDudesmummy · 22/01/2022 08:33

As a medical student and intern in surgical and obstetric rotations I was constantly either being sick or fainting as I can't stand the sight of blood and feel ill and dizzy in theatre. When I had to work in an intensive care unit and do blood gases I literally had to lie down after each one. It would not have been anything to do with you, I can assure you. Either she was pregnant, hungover or ill, or she was like me, having to do things she found very challenging to cope with in order to get through her required training and go into a speciality very far from any blood or stitching. She should have come back and given you feedback though.

erinaceus · 22/01/2022 08:36

My assumption upon reading your post was that she was pregnant.

For one thing, if your genitals were abnormal enough to make someone who looks at genitals all the time feel sick(!) another medical professional in the room would have investigated the problem.

Do you have a sense of what might reassure you? If you told the story to a medical professional in advance of getting a smear test or similar they would be able to tell you if anything was amiss.

CA0932017 · 22/01/2022 08:37

Most likely nothing to do with your genitals. Maybe a random wave of nausea, maybe she was pregnant. For example, I had hideous sickness with my first, at the most random times - not just in the mornings either. I could be in the supermarket and had to leave to be sick. I was mid meal and had to leave to be sick, was having a meal in my laws and they were offended when I got up to be sick during a meal. When I was at work, I was always running off to be sick!! She probably said it so her colleagues could take over quickly. Maybe she was too hot, indigestion. All range of things. You don't know what people are going through. Maybe she was ill..

Someone working in that health profession looking at genitals all day, would not be offended by your genitals! They would be absolutely in the wrong job 😅

EishetChayil · 22/01/2022 08:39

As many other posters have said, it won't have been anything to do with your genitals. She was most probably pregnant! I remember getting a whiff of someone's perfectly inoffensive breath when I was in my first trimester, and having to run off to puke.

Pikaso · 22/01/2022 08:40

I had a student nurse working with me a few months back and whilst dressing someone’s leg ulcers the student suddenly went white, stood up and ran out of the room holding her mouth. She threw up outside of the room (loudly!)

Poor patient just sat there and said “are my legs that bad?” They weren’t - student was early pregnancy and had earlier thrown up at the sight of my Slimfast shake.

Riverlee · 22/01/2022 08:43

Sending hugs to you.

She may have had a dodgy takeaway the night before, which caused her sickness.

Nothing to do with you.

Ceramide · 22/01/2022 08:53

Could talking it through with a counsellor be helpful? It sounds like you might benefit from some gentle help in moving on from your traumatic experience.

Veterinari · 22/01/2022 08:58

I remember being a vet student and having to leave theatre because I thought I was going to vomit/faint.

Combination of hunger/dehydration/smell of blood etc. absolutely bugger all to do with the procedure/patient - it could have been any type of surgery.

It would have been the same in your case. Stitch ups are so routine, it's absolutely about something going on with her than with you. Medical professionals generally are not squeamish about bodies - they see dozens of births each week. There's no way that your stitch up was so uniquely awful it made her feel sick. It's much more likely that she was unwell.

DottyHarmer · 22/01/2022 08:58

I had a traumatic birth. A medical student in attendance started pulling a face and then retched. It was pretty insulting! It was their first birth experience and given their reaction probably their last. The midwives and doctor were pretty cross with them.

DisforDarkChocolate · 22/01/2022 09:02

I doubt it was something they saw more like how they were feeling ie unwell. Unless this was their first month nothing they will have seen will have been new to them, especially as you didn't need an operation and were just stitched up.

I made a trainee midwife faint, I've never seen it as my issue but always as something to do with her.

WorriedGiraffe · 22/01/2022 09:07

After my first birth I booked a birth debrief, I contacted the maternity unit and asked for a birth debrief and they made me an appointment with a senior midwife and we just talked through all the notes from the birth and she explained things I didn’t get and honestly it was great, I’d seriously recommend this as you can ask them whatever you like and I’m sure it will provide some reassurance for you. It will not have been because of your body, they will have seen everything there is to see if a woman and I’m sure nothing would make them sick! The woman had probably been holding it in for as long as possible, it won’t have been you Flowers

User310 · 22/01/2022 09:13

Awww op that’s awful you feel that way. I am a health care professional and see the nether regions daily. There is no way that it was your genitals that caused her to feel sick. Honestly, it gets to the point where genitals are as significant to you as a hand. You just do not consider what you are looking at as embarrassing anymore. As a health care professional you find yourself having to remind yourself that it is embarrassing to the patient because you just don’t give it a second thought.

Incidentally, a similar situation happened to me whilst I was at work. I was popping a catheter in a lady and all of a sudden came over faint. I felt very sick and just had to drop everything and leave.

The person who was stitching you up, probably should have just said ‘I need to step out for a second’ but honestly, when you’re in the middle of something and leaving would compromise the patients dignity/safety ect, you better have a good excuse! Being sick is definitely one of the few reasons a healthcare professional would do that.

It would have been nice if the person had come back in and explained and apologised but maybe they went home due to sickness.

I can say with complete certainty that it was not your genitals that cause them to feel sick. Please don’t think on it.

Lesperance · 22/01/2022 09:14

It sounds like she was just explaining her exit to her colleagues, and if they didn't comment it was because it had absolutely nothing to do with you. Try to put it out of your mind.

HTH1 · 22/01/2022 09:16

I would also reiterate what a PP said; I’m sure that the sickness was entirely unrelated but, regardless, things usually go back to normal pretty quickly. I had stitches with my first but, when I went for my 6 week check, the doctor commented that he couldn’t tell I had even had a baby, let alone six weeks earlier!