very embarrassing question...

[TheGreatBobinsky]

I'm not sure if I should be worried about something that happened when I gave birth. My child is now 6 so definitely not a recent event but it still plays on my mind and has made me very insecure about my body. It is extremely embarrassing and I have name changed because I don't want anyone knowing about it.

So when I had my child I was induced, it was a very quick labour for a first baby, I was alone (they had sent my partner home and didn't believe me telling them I was in labour until it was too late) and I needed an episiotomy and forceps without pain relief so it was fairly traumatic (I know others have been through worse). When it was over the person stitching me up suddenly stood up and left the room exclaiming 'I'm going to be sick'. She seemed utterly disgusted and I feel like my genitals must be a complete mess because she must have stitched up plenty of women before that. Nobody commented at all, the room was full of so many people and I felt so ashamed.

Admittedly my partner has never commented or complained and I try not to think about it and just push all thoughts of it out of my mind but I just don't feel normal. It still plays on my mind now and I put off going to check ups like cervical smear tests and it's the reason I won't have a coil because I feel like I'm so disgusting that I make medical professionals feel sick.

AIBU to think that there was something wrong with happened even if I can't do anything about it now?

I don't remember the names of the amazing midwives who delivered DD, but I do remember one of them saying to me that I was "hard as nails" while they were giving me a local in advance of being stitched.

I wasn't flinching, just chatting away. (it was probably euphoria and adrenaline that made me so calm though)

Like many previous posters have said it honestly won't have been anything to do with you, or the sight of your post delivery nether regions.

As PP have said, I'm sure her being sick has nothing to do with you or your body! I'd put money on the fact that she was either ill (maybe simple as eating something wrong) or possibly pregnant. When I was pregnant and working I also had to leave meetings very quickly a couple of times to be sick. I'm sure you know from being pregnant and being unwell yourself it's not something you can control whatever you're doing. Please try and put it out of your mind because it's not related to you. If it continues have you thought of counselling?

i'm she wasn't sick because of what she saw. I hate to think that you have spent these years even considering that. xx

I voted YANBU but only because I see where your coming from. I have a strange look not down there but somewhere else it's not common but also not unheard of, so I sympathise but I also think the poor nurse felt sick not because of how you look but because she was stitching your bits back together she probably hadn't done it often enough to ignore her own feelings

I gave birth to my son when I was quiet and he was 8lb 11oz I was a size 6, he did alot of damage and it took me a number of years to realise that I'd ripped down there and they hadn't sewn me up!

Echoing the many others to say I highly doubt it was related to you OP. She was likely to be pregnant, or maybe she’d eaten something dodgy a few hours before, or was developing flu symptoms. I sometimes feel quite nauseous when I’m over tired so it could potentially be something like that too. The others in the room may not have commented because their focus was on you and their work, so they just left her to go be sick if she needed to be and checked on her later.

There are countless things it might have been, please try and separate idea that you caused it if you can.

OP do you really think she would have been so rude to comment on your bits. It must have been either
(1) you had torn so much and she was a novice at the job.
(2) ill or pregnancy related nausea.
(3) nope can't think of another reason.
I'm sure your beautiful down there, just remember it works just fine you have your lovely child. Its not like you have to wear it on your head. If you had a strange configuration down there you would have been aware of it before the comment as you would have felt uncomfortable. I've heard of woman having surgery due to soreness. As you haven't said this I'm assuming you were happy with your lady bits before.

That birth must have been very traumatic for you sorry you had to go through that! My mum had to go through that type of birth for me appranently 😬

I'm sure it's all healed up ok. And as for that nurse unless she was brand new trainee I doubt it was to do with you, she could have been pregnant with morning sickness (I've committed in work meetings, while driving all sorts when I was preggers) or started on new meds that made her sick (I tried metaforim once for pcos and I made me vomit every few hours)
She probably didn't apologize because it never occurred to her you would link the two events x

I am sorry for your traumatic experience... it sounds awful.

Honestly i am not even sure it was about you, maybe the person had some medical issue and/or pregnant (if a lady), another possibility is that they were a student/intern, you know they feel sick the first time they try the procedures themselves. In any case, their reaction wasn't professional or appropriate at all, but this doesn't mean you should take it personally.

Hugs