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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

very embarrassing question...

109 replies

TheGreatBobinsky · 21/01/2022 22:52

I'm not sure if I should be worried about something that happened when I gave birth. My child is now 6 so definitely not a recent event but it still plays on my mind and has made me very insecure about my body. It is extremely embarrassing and I have name changed because I don't want anyone knowing about it.

So when I had my child I was induced, it was a very quick labour for a first baby, I was alone (they had sent my partner home and didn't believe me telling them I was in labour until it was too late) and I needed an episiotomy and forceps without pain relief so it was fairly traumatic (I know others have been through worse). When it was over the person stitching me up suddenly stood up and left the room exclaiming 'I'm going to be sick'. She seemed utterly disgusted and I feel like my genitals must be a complete mess because she must have stitched up plenty of women before that. Nobody commented at all, the room was full of so many people and I felt so ashamed.

Admittedly my partner has never commented or complained and I try not to think about it and just push all thoughts of it out of my mind but I just don't feel normal. It still plays on my mind now and I put off going to check ups like cervical smear tests and it's the reason I won't have a coil because I feel like I'm so disgusting that I make medical professionals feel sick.

AIBU to think that there was something wrong with happened even if I can't do anything about it now?

OP posts:

justasking111 · 21/01/2022 23:26

The smell of blood set me off when pregnant I expect it was that

BuddhaAtSea · 21/01/2022 23:27

Tell you something, OP. The gorier, the less likely a HCP is to actually say anything. Too busy figuring out how to fix it.
My bet is that she felt sick. Be it because she didn’t eat/drink anything, it was too hot in the room, or she had a bug, or she was pregnant.
Hugs to you. I’m sorry it’s been playing on your mind for so long. She’s only human, I can see why you might have interpreted it that way, but my bet is that she only said it because she was feeling unwell, nothing to do with you.

NinaDefoe · 21/01/2022 23:29

My immediate thoughts:

She wasn’t well but came to work anyway (should have been in bed at home)
She was pregnant with morning sickness
She was a new midwife/doctor in training/student who had a funny turn due to nerves, dress etc.
She had just come to you from dealing with a traumatic birth/still birth
She was dealing with personal trauma at the time - e.g. bereavement and had a panic attack

The least likely scenario is that the sickness was anything to do with you. Medical professionals see and deal with things so utterly horrendous you would not believe.

KaptainKaveman · 21/01/2022 23:31

@j712adrian

Oh, one of my ex GFs had had a daft amount of stitches. Used to like going down on her and I had no idea, she told me about the stitches.

I'm sure that will reassure the OP greatly.

missymousey · 21/01/2022 23:33

Oh love, you're too hard on yourself!

Even if it had been the case (and it definitely wasn't, as pp have said), then that was when you were all torn and bleeding after birth. You're all healed up and back to normal now, so there's even less reason to worry. Please be kind to yourself and start to move on from it: you are certainly amazing to have given birth in those circumstances, and no doubt you are also still beautiful.

Longfurry · 21/01/2022 23:34

Hungover?
Definitely not you but I can totally understand why it's bothered you.

GirlOfTudor · 21/01/2022 23:34

I just wanted to echo all of the previous replies. I can promise you that she wasn't sick at the sight of your vagina. She'd likely seen 100s before yours, so it wouldn't have shocked her, no matter how it looked after pushing a baby out!

user1473878824 · 21/01/2022 23:35

@TheGreatBobinsky it absolutely was just a coincidence! Nothing more. In the nicest possible way, if your genitals were so terribly a medical professional vomited at the sight of them someone else would have mentioned it by now, you don’t just have the kindest husband in the world!

imoutofhere · 21/01/2022 23:37

Someone I know who trained as a nurse felt sick the first time they saw an operation. It was nothing to do with the patient though.

Perhaps she felt sick as she didn't like to see what was happening to you and felt sorry for you, but not because of your body per se!

GreenClock · 21/01/2022 23:39

Hungover perhaps? My bet is unwell, though.

Does this mean you’re behind with your smears? Please book yourself in if so! You could also mention this issue to the nurse, who will doubtless reassure you.

Grasping · 21/01/2022 23:40

I get this x
I’ve had a similar experience but mine relates to the STI clinic. I was assured they would be supportive. I wish I had never gone

Twillow · 21/01/2022 23:41

What a shame no-one thought to come back to you and explain!
100% she was ill for some irrelated reason to your genitals and bending over no doubt exacerbated it. If she found anyone's genitals disgusting it's not likely she would have chosen that particular profession, is it. Put it out of your mind.

Fatherliamdeliverance · 21/01/2022 23:41

I agree with all of the others. I'm sure she was feeling nauseous for some underlying reason.

Perhaps it wasn't so much a coincidence as that it could have been the blood, the warm room, or sewing up someone's flesh that set her off but I would be willing to bet it would've happened regardless of whom she was working on at that time, so absolutely not personal to you. Please try and be kind to yourself.

Buttermaflooby · 21/01/2022 23:41

I had a student pass out while she was watching me get stitched up from my episiotomy. They had to half carry her out of the room. She came to see me on the ward later to apologise and explain that she'd skipped breakfast and it was all a bit overwhelming. I just laughed. Thought it was funny. I can imagine I'd have passed out too watching the carnage that I'm sure took place. But meh... No point stressing about it. Nobody's bits and pieces are a thing of beauty in that situation!

NinaDefoe · 21/01/2022 23:42

@j712adrian

Oh, one of my ex GFs had had a daft amount of stitches. Used to like going down on her and I had no idea, she told me about the stitches.

How very comforting to hear... 🙄

ChinstrapBobblehat · 21/01/2022 23:42

Aah, love, this is so sad. As every other poster has said - many of them medical professionals - this was absolutely nothing to do with you. Someone felt sick whilst at work, which could have been for any number of reasons. You say the timing can’t be a coincidence, but it could easily be the position she was in whilst stitching that caused the nausea, especially if she was pregnant, hungry, tired, dehydrated - whatever.

If you’ve carried this anxiety around for 6 years, you may need a bit of help to be convinced that’s it’s literally in your head and not representative of reality. Can you see your GP or maybe look for a local women’s clinic so you can talk to someone and get some reassurance? You really mustn’t miss smear tests and other health checks because of this

AFS1 · 21/01/2022 23:46

Just echoing what everyone else has said. It absolutely will not have been because of how you look down there. Really unfortunate timing on her part, and I suspect she will have been mortified at the time. If she knew you were still troubled by it 6 years on, I’m sure she’d be absolutely horrified that she’s caused you that upset

TropicPlunder · 21/01/2022 23:47

I had norovirus once and the severe nausea really came on so suddenly. I was in a lab working, then got up and said the same thing 'I'm going to be sick' and just left. Must have looked bizarre to the people around me. I'm sure it's something similar in your case

Couchbettato · 21/01/2022 23:47

Tbf, I'm not a squeamish person but occasionally I'll deal with something that's gorey and half way through dealing with it I'll suddenly feel sick.

I think if it were me, the idea of stitching someone up would give me that sort of feeling.

Like I could do it, it wouldn't be a bother to me, but I might suddenly remember it's a real human at the end of it and there's a lot of blood and an open wound, and I couldn't help but feel how I do.

Zombiemum1946 · 21/01/2022 23:48

I hope you'll realise that it's far more likely that she wasn't feeling well for some reason that had nothing to do with your vagina. She probably doesn't realise that's what you felt and would be horrified that it's had this effect on you.

Hankunamatata · 21/01/2022 23:52

Totally not you. Could have been morning sickness, vomiting bug, stomach upset, just feeling ill - delivery rooms can be so hot and stuffy making you feel queasy

CoronaKidd · 21/01/2022 23:55

Even if she was pregnant, which she probably was, she should have had the courtesy to come back and explain, she didn’t have to say she was pregnant, just have said she was feeling unwell. Pregnancy is not an excuse for being rude.

SquirrelG · 21/01/2022 23:55

Has it never occurred to you that she could have been ill, or as others have said pregnant? Please don't give this any more thought, it's just not worth it.

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 22/01/2022 00:01

Student doctor... maybe hungover.

Frozenlikeablockofmarble · 22/01/2022 00:04

OP, it wasn’t you. Hopefully when you’ve read all the supportive responses, it’ll start to put your mind at rest and dislodge the shame you describe.

When you feel sick suddenly, you just have to be sick. It’s hard to hold in. She had to tell her colleagues so they knew why she was leaving - and it was better for her to go than her throwing up all over you, especially over an area which had just been through a birth and needed stitches. She left to keep you clean and so as not to compromise your body’s recovery. Hope reframing it like this helps.

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