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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Sorry the colour doesn’t suit my baby’

491 replies

Laughingstock91 · 21/01/2022 12:07

Sent a friend with a new baby some clothes - one thing was a really pale pink and the other thing was a really pale yellow. It was like a T-shirt and joggers set thing that I got in a small independent shop.

No Thankyou - just a comment that the colours weren’t right. The baby is 3 months old.

Aibu to think I would never have dreamed of making such a comment. I had some really unusual colours but I smiled, said Thankyou & the kids wore them as I was grateful to receive gifts.

I feel really offended- they weren’t cheap either 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 21/01/2022 13:11

Don't buy clothes for other people's babies. DC1 got some things that looked like they'd been lying in a drawer for 10 years. Time of year clothes in a bigger age so were too warm by the time they fitted.

DC2 got fewer items but with only a small gap between them, had plenty of wearable clothes already.

Having said that some of the clothes were great and got worn a lot but they tended to be things like babygros, and were only a few from the whole lot.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 21/01/2022 13:11

@Laughingstock91

I don’t know- maybe I am really old fashioned but isn’t it just a ‘smile and say Thankyou’ thing with newborn baby stuff not a ‘we don’t like it, can we change it’ thing? You do get random home knitted stuff too and the whole point is that people want to give stuff to babies. You wouldn’t ask to change grannies knitted cardi!!
I've been on crochet groups where people have had baby blankets or cardigans returned and told to buy something from the shop or make something different. Some people are shockingly rude. I would say. "Thank you for letting me know. Please post them back so I can get a refund" Neglect to mention you will be keeping the money and buy yourself a lovely treat
SarahBellam · 21/01/2022 13:12

I'd just reply, "You're very welcome. Nonsense, she's a baby. They're the perfect colours for a baby and before you know it they'll be covered in poo and pasta stains anyway. Enjoy, and give MiniRudeArse a big hug from me!"

WheelieBinPrincess · 21/01/2022 13:12

Why is a three month old baby going to be covered in pasta stains 😂

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 21/01/2022 13:13

@KirstenBlest

Don't buy clothes for other people's babies. DC1 got some things that looked like they'd been lying in a drawer for 10 years. Time of year clothes in a bigger age so were too warm by the time they fitted.

DC2 got fewer items but with only a small gap between them, had plenty of wearable clothes already.

Having said that some of the clothes were great and got worn a lot but they tended to be things like babygros, and were only a few from the whole lot.

But didnt you just politely say "thank you for the gift and for thinking of us" and quietly get rid of anything not to your taste/wrong size etc?
pictish · 21/01/2022 13:18

Well it has saved you the bother of buying clothes for her baby again so every cloud…

nansbigpants · 21/01/2022 13:18

Definitely incredibly rude- but unless she's been like this about other things I'd try not to take it personally (but would return the clothes and get yourself something nice instead). I think some people temporarily lose all manners/grip on reality when their first born comes along.

I have a good friend who at all other times has been lovely/polite/grateful etc. But when her her first baby was born sent a message to all her friends which was nicely worded but basically said 'If you want to give us a present that's lovely but remember that we are a cut above so make sure you buy it from [list of expensive acceptable shops/websites] and ask for a gift receipt. If you can't afford to do that just don't bother. We know we've bought some of you supermarket baby clothes in the past but that's because we know you're a bit rough and wouldn't appreciate the good stuff. If you can't afford anything decent just don't bother. And don't bring any home made food- we know how grubby some of your kitchens are'. (Actual wording more like 'We have tried to match the gifts we have given you with your usual style so that no-one feels uncomfortable- we'd love you to do the same')

She is adamant now that this never happened, but does agree that she went a bit bonkers for a while.

RegardingMary · 21/01/2022 13:19

Oh god that outfit is awful OP. Especially for such a small baby.

She could have been politer but I'd have kindly requested a swap too if you didn't include the receipt.

WonderfulYou · 21/01/2022 13:21

No problem, if you return them I’ll get them refunded

YANBU she sounds pathetic. I would be extremely embarrassed to have said that.

I’d text the above response and not buy anymore gifts.

rwalker · 21/01/2022 13:21

Why are people so rude even if you didn't't like them you'd lie and say " thanks for lovely present only thing got a lot of stuff in that size already and worrying about wasting them would you mind if I change them "

midlifecrash · 21/01/2022 13:21

What a twat. Babies look the same whatever they wear

KirstenBlest · 21/01/2022 13:22

@Needcoffeecoffeecoffee, yes, of course I did. I also thanked people who gave a little stuffed toy, when there really is a limit as to how many small stuffed toys a baby needs.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 21/01/2022 13:23

I’d just say came from an independent shop, not possible to change but if she sends them back to you you will pass them on to someone who’s baby suits those colours!

Enough4me · 21/01/2022 13:23

@Diggersaursarethebest I'm not sure it's healthy to be that controlling about your baby's clothes and smell. They grow up and have their own choices and are not dolls.

Buytoomuchonebay · 21/01/2022 13:23

My cousin did this

She really wanted a boy so the disappointment when she had a girl was real

She named her a masculine name (fair enough) and made it clear everything had to be new for pfb (I come from a family who buy a lot second hand for environmental reasons)

My mother rushed out and bought her a brand new,very expensive outfit that wasn’t pink nor a dress for baby (she spent far more than what she would have done for her own grandchildren)

She got the parcel handed back to her with the words ‘A is a tomboy-take it back and get something more boy’

I got into a whole heap of trouble for asking how she knew baby was a tomboy at 2 days old and my mother took it back,got a refund and never bought another outfit for this child nor the next baby she had

It’s rude

WonderfulYou · 21/01/2022 13:23

Oh god that outfit is awful OP. Especially for such a small baby.

A baby isn’t a fashion accessory.

RogerDodger · 21/01/2022 13:24

Tell her to sell them on eBay and buy something she prefers.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 21/01/2022 13:24

@RegardingMary

Oh god that outfit is awful OP. Especially for such a small baby.

She could have been politer but I'd have kindly requested a swap too if you didn't include the receipt.

Would you?

Really?

total weirdo behaviour.

iklboo · 21/01/2022 13:25

Baby will pretty much be decorating clothes itself - variations of posset, puke, pee & poo.

Cheeky gits. It's a baby, not a New York Fashion Week model. Is baby a PFB?

WonderfulYou · 21/01/2022 13:26

At 3 months sometimes it can feel like it’s not your baby when they are dressed wrong.

What! I don’t think I’ve ever read anything so odd!

If someone else dresses your baby in something different you feel like it’s not your baby?!

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 21/01/2022 13:26

Who knew so many babies were whisked off to Colour Me Beautiful so soon after emerging from the womb.

PartyOnKale · 21/01/2022 13:26

I agree op that it's a bit mad.
I'd be tempted to ask them to send it back for you to get a refund as per a previous poster.
However in view of the fact they have a new baby I'd just say oh pass it on to the charity shop in that case, sorry you didn't like it.
As you don't share her particular taste you'd be mad to buy anything again.🤷
Let's face it we mostly all have too much "stuff."

Karatema · 21/01/2022 13:26

I had a red dress given to me for my DS! I thanked the giver and kept it in case I ever had notice I would see her!

DaphneBasset · 21/01/2022 13:27

I'd give someone with a new baby some slack TBH. I can understand her thinking that a friend giving her an expensive gift would want to swap it for something she actually likes/will use. I do think the receiver should be the one putting the effort in of taking it back and she didn't say thank you so it is rude, but she might not be herself right now.

If it's an isolated incident it's definitely not something I'd allow to ruin a friendship given the context - babies are hard work. There's so many posts on Mumsnet about people losing friends once they have a baby, and maybe some of that comes from friends not cutting some slack when maybe they could. Obviously it's a very different situation if she was like this pre-baby!!

Applesonthelawn · 21/01/2022 13:28

The way to deal with ungracious receivers of gifts is just ask for the gift be returned and don't provide a replacement. Do not give her the receipt and don't expect her to return them. It's the thought that counts, and that cuts both ways.

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