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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be happy with this sleepover?

135 replies

Notagoodtime · 21/01/2022 03:15

Dd is 12 and has been invited on a sleepover at a new friends house with 5 others. They are going to be staying in her friends parents holiday annex which is next door to the main house. This has made me feel a little uneasy but I am overprotective so wondering how others would feel.

OP posts:

pointythings · 21/01/2022 09:17

Wouldn't worry me at all. Mine had a sleepover in our back garden at that age, they slept outdoors on our trampoline.

Sparklingbrook · 21/01/2022 09:19

Yes, @girlmom21 and by 15 we were all out nightclubbing until the small hours and going to school the next day.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/01/2022 09:21

I think I’d be happy with that, for my dd13. Also think I’d have been ok last year if I knew the parents.

Like a pp I’d probably ask what communication they’re be with the parents, eg presumably their door will be unlocked, phones on etc in case of emergency.

flippertyop · 21/01/2022 09:27

Depends on the layout surely. I've done it numerous times for my kids. The house is next to ours - it's locked, there are gates to get in and security cameras. No parent has ever had an issue

Darbs76 · 21/01/2022 09:28

I’d have no problem with this

TatianaBis · 21/01/2022 09:31

Sounds fine.

MintyGreenDream · 21/01/2022 09:32

I'd be a bit concerned if it was ds who is 7 but at 12 I think they have a lot more maturity

Gonnagetgoing · 21/01/2022 09:38

At 12 I'd say yes. I was having sleepovers with my best friends (2 separate friends) at this age, 1 had a mother who was often home late (due to work). To be honest we didn't get up to that much in the house (apart from the odd alcohol incident) but it was more messing around on phones, looking at her mum's dodgy ghost stories book (complete with photos). The other house the mum and brother were around a lot so we just watched films/TV, played music and no alcohol.

The next sleepover I went to was when I was 14, again, very tame - with 6 girls who all knew each other much better than I knew them, I only knew 1 well (the second friend in the para above).

Funnily enough I don't recall that many sleepovers after that, I went to a different school, girls came over to and slept (singly) at my house and vice versa but no huge ones.

I'd double check if they have CCTV or a ring doorbell and working smoke alarm and ensure they have rules in case anything goes wrong, so a fire escape route and also first aid. That's mostly because as you say the house is separate.

toomuchlaundry · 21/01/2022 09:39

@KurtWilde did you leave a group of 6yo in a house on their own at night

Gonnagetgoing · 21/01/2022 09:40

@KurtWilde

Clearly I've been doing it wrong because mine started sleepovers at 6/7.

So no, at 12 this wouldn't bother me.

@KurtWilde - do you mean staying over e.g. sleeping over? Yes, I did similar when I was a child with 2 sets of friends. In houses/flats and them staying here but absolutely nothing happened! We all behaved, in fact, if we had misbehaved it would've been awful. I'm sure my best friend's younger sister who stayed over once was bitten by a hamster (I think my brother's not mine) we'd just bought. Poor thing was sent back to pet shop! That was on a sleepover and was the only drama!

WeAllHaveWings · 21/01/2022 09:45

ds started sleepovers at 9 with friends/parents I had met before so no problem with sleepovers at 12.

But, in a completely different house with no adult supervision, I would be uncomfortable too. Preteens can easily have a small fall out at sleepovers (been there!), what happens if one goes off in a strop outside the house and the others don't raise the alarm as they think they'll come back or go to the main house, the parents would have no clue...

Dozycuntlaters · 21/01/2022 09:51

It's fine, she's 12, not 5. Surely it's no different to say having a sleep over in a big house, where the kids are on the third floor and parents on ground floor. You need to try and work on not being so over protective, your DD is 12 now and needs to start being a little independent and not smothered.

IvorCutler · 21/01/2022 09:56

I would allow sleepovers at 12 (probably much earlier than that), but I think I’d rather it was just 1 friend. I remember horrible experiences of people being excluded and bullied at sleepovers when I was that age. I’d also want to know the parents well and if I was uncomfortable I’d be volunteering my house instead.

KurtWilde · 21/01/2022 09:58

[quote toomuchlaundry]@KurtWilde did you leave a group of 6yo in a house on their own at night[/quote]
Did I say that? What I said was I started letting mine have sleepovers at 6/7, and wouldn't have a problem with a 12 year old having the kind of sleepover OP is talking about. Try reading my post.

And at 7 my DS had garden sleepovers, both at home and at friends houses.

Kotatsu · 21/01/2022 10:01

For me, it would very much depend on the friends whether I was OK with this. Are they nice, reasonable sorts, or the kind that might get mean?

Stompythedinosaur · 21/01/2022 10:15

I'd be fine with it - not much different from sleeping in a tent in the garden, which my dc have done at a much younger age. I suppose I'd be less keen if it was a particularly rough area or if they weren't sensible kids.

Joystir59 · 21/01/2022 10:20

That would be a no from me. She is a child.

Sparklingbrook · 21/01/2022 10:24

@Joystir59

That would be a no from me. She is a child.

So no sleepovers until she’s 18? Sounds like a good plan. 🤔

littlefireseverywhere · 21/01/2022 10:26

They’re next door, parent can’t go & check on them. It’ll be fine.

steppemum · 21/01/2022 10:33

house in garden, no I wouldn't be worried.

Check that they can alert parents, get back in if there is a problem.
But I wouldn't have a problem with a tent in the garden and some people on mn think that is dangerous.

TheresSomebodyAtTheDoorNeil · 21/01/2022 10:38

God id love an annexe, id have it as a mum pad

RogersVideo · 21/01/2022 10:39

I'd be fine with it.

I grew up in Canada, where sleepovers were almost always held in the basement, as far from parents as possible. Basements almost always have their own outside door. Yes we did speak out but that's probably not going to make you feel better, haha! I don't think we would have snuck out at 12 though, bit young.

ExConstance · 21/01/2022 10:40

I did this at about that age. My friend was a farmer's daughter and half a dozen or so of us would go and stay in one of the farm labourers cottages that was empty for a while. We had great fun and there was sufficient supervision for us to be safe.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/01/2022 10:40

@Ericaequites

At that age, I held sleepovers in the family caravan twenty feet from the back door. It was very safe.

Yes we did too but a chalet at the end of a huge garden ( parents had the right idea

)

toomuchlaundry · 21/01/2022 10:41

I don’t think most people are saying no to sleepovers in general at 12yo, but no to one in a separate house. I’m assuming most people wouldn’t leave a bunch of 12yo in their own house overnight with no adult supervision

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