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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be happy with this sleepover?

135 replies

Notagoodtime · 21/01/2022 03:15

Dd is 12 and has been invited on a sleepover at a new friends house with 5 others. They are going to be staying in her friends parents holiday annex which is next door to the main house. This has made me feel a little uneasy but I am overprotective so wondering how others would feel.

OP posts:

toomuchlaundry · 21/01/2022 07:18

Would people leave a group of 12yo alone in their house at night?

Hoppinggreen · 21/01/2022 07:21

No I wouldn’t be happy with it.
An annex might be ok but this is the house next door from the way you describe it

Avarua · 21/01/2022 07:23

I can't understand what you think might happen to a group of 12 year Olds?
They'll be fine.
It'd be totally fine with me. Totally.

Exhausteddog · 21/01/2022 07:24

My 12 year old DS last sleepover with friends was in a tent in the garden. I can attest very little sleeping happened!

SallyLovesCheese · 21/01/2022 07:24

Six 12-year-olds in a small building just by the main house... I don't understand why this is a problem. What do you think might happen?

SallyWD · 21/01/2022 07:25

Sounds like great fun! I'd just check they can easily get to the parents and then let him go. My younger children have camped in friends gardens before.

TeenPlusCat · 21/01/2022 07:25

I wouldn't be happy with no adult presence to hear if there was upsets, excluding or whatever.
I'd be worried that a parent who thinks it is appropriate would have insufficient parental controls on their internet feed (and a DC with fewer boundaries than I'd like).
I'd be interested to know whether this is mixed or single sex. One assumes single sex but I'd want to check.

So a no from me.

FAQs · 21/01/2022 07:26

No problem at all with that!

lollipoprainbow · 21/01/2022 07:26

No way, I'm always haunted by the Sophie hook murder.

TeenPlusCat · 21/01/2022 07:28

@WhatNoRaisins

I wouldn't be too fussed. I wouldn't expect parents to supervise a sleepover. In my day parents went to bed and you were left to it until morning.

If parents go to bed they can still her if things get out of hand.

Plus, I don't know how old you are, but in 'my day' there weren't smart phones to access inappropriate content or send inappropriate pictures with.

BashStreetKid · 21/01/2022 07:28

@CircleofWillis

I would be uneasy if it had its own entrance. Even more so if it is not directly connected to the main house so parents can't supervise / oversee the sleepover. If a female adult is with then - no problem.

Why would that mean they can't supervise if it's next door?

BashStreetKid · 21/01/2022 07:29

@lollipoprainbow

No way, I'm always haunted by the Sophie hook murder.

She was in a tent, not in a locked house.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 21/01/2022 07:31

Yes I'd be fine.

TeenPlusCat · 21/01/2022 07:31

If this were long established group of friends that I knew and trusted I'd have fewer concerns. The fact it is a new friend makes me more concerned.

BlondeDogLady · 21/01/2022 07:32

@Avarua

I can't understand what you think might happen to a group of 12 year Olds? They'll be fine. It'd be totally fine with me. Totally.

They are not in the main house, so can't be heard by parents. Parents will be asleep (I'd imagine) long before the girls get to sleep.

What could happen?

Someone could sneak drink in
They might leave the house
If an intruder did get in, nothing can be heard by the parents
They might decide to invite boys over, who bring older boys

You're essentially leaving 5 very young girls in a house alone, without any parental supervision and just hoping for the best.

IMO, 12 is too young for this. My DD had dozens of sleepovers. There was always someone upset, some form of falling out and bitchiness, quite a bit of hysteria, some girls wanting to sleep before others, causing upset. Bloody nightmare. Under my rood where I can referee, fine. In an outbuilding by themselves, no, I wouldn't risk it. I can just imagine a scenario where they all fall out at 3am and someone decides to leave, followed by some big drama outside of the annex etc. All whilst the parents are asleep.

My kids are adults now, but I remember this time very well!

pradavilla · 21/01/2022 07:32

In a separate annex 😳 absolutely not ok. I wouldn't let her go or I'd speak to the parents to find out for sure.

Emergency73 · 21/01/2022 07:33

@Notagoodtime

I’m also over protective. DD is nearly 11, and a boy’s Mum recently asked my daughter over a sleepover. I found it a really, really difficult decision. I made an excuse and said no. I also hate, hate, hate that I was already thinking - no to a sleepover with a boy. DP however, was more anti her going than me, so that helped.

It would depend very much on the friendship group/Mum hosting to me. If I felt comfortable with all - then yes. But I’d go with your gut feeling, and don’t feel/or be made to feel like you are right/wrong for having your feelings.

DD wants a sleepover for her 11th birthday with 2 girl friends. I think I’ll give the Mum’s lots of leeway to say ‘no’ if they feel uncomfortable - and if it goes ahead - give them regular updates.

Does DD have a phone? You could ask her to give you a few updates if you decide to let her go along.

IbizaNamechanger · 21/01/2022 07:33

I wouldn't be OK with it no

BlondeDogLady · 21/01/2022 07:34

Also, does this annex have a toilet? Or are the girls having to leave the annex and traipse back to the main house, in the dark, if they need the loo? That would be a big fat no from me.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 21/01/2022 07:35

@toomuchlaundry

Would people leave a group of 12yo alone in their house at night?

Yes if it had been DS now 14 and his friends. They're what he describes as the nerdy but weird crowd.

BlondeDogLady · 21/01/2022 07:37

Does DD have a phone? You could ask her to give you a few updates if you decide to let her go along

You could, but this will plan will fall on its arse, when the girls are engrossed in something and Op's DD doesn't reply for an hour or two. What then? What if it gets to 1am, and Op hasn't had a reply to the text she sent at 9pm?

toomuchlaundry · 21/01/2022 07:37

If you next door neighbours were away and said you could use their house for your 12yo DC to have a sleepover would you let them sleep there?

CharityDingle · 21/01/2022 07:39

No, too young, to be left, effectively in a separate house.

Also new friend, which implies that you don't know much about them. It would be a no, from me.

ffscovid · 21/01/2022 07:40

I'm with you OP. 12 is still too young. I wouldn't leave them alone overnight in my own house so why is a different house any different (even if it is very close)?
My main worries would be fire and them accessing things they shouldn't be on phones / tablets. My yr7 daughter has age-appropriate apps and time limits on her phone; we also have filters on the router to prevent access to inappropriate sites (and live rurally so she can't access this via the mobile networks). She can't watch films older than those suitable for her age as we have parental access PINs on Netflix etc. I know from experience that most of her friends do not have this and at 12, they're just not old enough to be sensible about what they're watching.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 21/01/2022 07:42

Yep I’d be fine with that. You’ve got to let them do things … for those saying no, at what age would you allow this?

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