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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at interview feedback about my hair

331 replies

Namirya · 20/01/2022 19:32

Got feedback after a fourth interview, sadly I didn't get the job. The recruiter said the company thought I was extremely well prepared, but I came across as a bit nervous. Fair enough - I know it wasn't my best performance, as I got virtually no sleep the night before (DD woke up in the middle of the night, then insomnia kicked in).

Then the recruiter said something that completely threw me off. She said the interviewer suggested I wear my hair down next time as my hairstyle was too "rigid" in combination with a formal interview suit. I had straightened my hair, and put it up in a sleek ponytail with a lovely elegant band. It was raining, my hair is long and I didn't want a frizzy mess.

The position I was interviewing for was quite senior, in a formal environment. I didn't want my hair to be a distraction. It wasn't messy, or unkempt. What was it commented on? It wouldn't be an issue for a man. I am so annoyed!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
TearifficTaz · 20/01/2022 21:10

@Pasdelacasa

Furious for you! What a fucking joke!

Men don’t get judged on their hair. Look at our Prime Minister!

Lucky escape. Sexist, rude pigs.

Of course men get judged on their hair

You'd hear similar accounts from men on more male dominated forums.

gsaoej · 20/01/2022 21:13

erm the prime minister did get judged on his hair and he smartened it up as he contended for the post.

anyway op sounds like you had a lucky escape - very weird to comment on your hair.

Pasdelacasa · 20/01/2022 21:13

They do not lose out on jobs because of how they look @TearifficTaz

Don’t be ridiculous.

Stiffcondomhat · 20/01/2022 21:14

Going against the grain here, I don't think they were saying you didn't get the job because you had your hair up. Just that in future you might have more luck if you wear it down. What you wear at interview is very important and often overlooked. First impressions count.
They didn't have to give you any feedback. Yes men have it easier. Such is life.

TearifficTaz · 20/01/2022 21:14

@Pasdelacasa

They do not lose out on jobs because of how they look *@TearifficTaz*

Don’t be ridiculous.

Of course the bloody do

How can you be this silly?

Pasdelacasa · 20/01/2022 21:15

I can’t believe anyone would try to justify this sort of wildly unprofessional and inappropriate interview feedback.

Nocutenamesleft · 20/01/2022 21:16

I’d contact acas about that if I’m honest.

Not get an interview based off appearance. Hmmmm

altiara · 20/01/2022 21:18

But it’s not first impressions, OP had 4 interviews!
After 4 interviews, its really really not unreasonable to expect more feedback than wear your hair down next time.
Ridiculous.

tectonicplates · 20/01/2022 21:18

@DDMAC

Sounds like you did have a lucky escape. This is a worry of mine, I’m going to be job searching very soon myself but I’ve had to stop colouring my hair due to allergies and I do wonder will my grey affect my job applications.
I'm in this exact same position and I'm worried about it too. I've even become allergic to organic dye now. It is a genuine worry, because people do judge us by our appearance, even if they don't say so to our faces.
tectonicplates · 20/01/2022 21:20

@altiara

But it’s not first impressions, OP had 4 interviews! After 4 interviews, its really really not unreasonable to expect more feedback than wear your hair down next time. Ridiculous.
Exactly. OP have you been interviewed by the same people throughout all four interviews? And did you do your hair the same for the other interviews? Not that it should matter, I'm just curious as there's obviously some right nonsense going on at that company.
MintJulia · 20/01/2022 21:20

I put yabu but because it's hard to say without some context.
Is your job somewhere that you have to be approachable and friendly? Somewhere that needs to encourage trust and openness? Could they have meant you looked a little daunting or too formal.

TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek · 20/01/2022 21:21

I think it was probably very simply a case of they couldn't find anything wrong about your suitability for the job, but for some reason they chose someone else. Then put on the spot to come up with a reason that they could give you for not getting the job, they didn't have (a reasonable) one, so came up with that pathetic excuse. As others have said, you have dodged a bullet there, no intelligent person would want to work for such ignorant people.

calliecapers · 20/01/2022 21:24

How totally irrelevant

Unless the job was for modelling or acting. Or maybe a hairdresser?

If a client gave me that feedback, i would
Not pass it on. Not constructive, not helpful. Not relevant. Totally moronic suggestion

Watapalava · 20/01/2022 21:25

People are not condoning the feedback. But nevertheless it happens

people judge whether they admit it formally or not. I've been on loads of panels - first impressions count!

OP, the interviewer may have phrased it differently, perhaps they said you seemed too formal 'what with the suit and hair' etc.

I'm not saying that their comment is right but being 'too formal' would be seen as bad in some industries. It may even be that you looked more professional than them and they didn't like it - many don't want to employ people who look 'the business' more than them - again this happens!

It may be simply that the formal impression you gave suggested you wouldn't fit in

calliecapers · 20/01/2022 21:26

Please write a review on Glass door

DDMAC · 20/01/2022 21:27

@techtonicplates oh no ☹️ It must be the pigment? My hairdresser thinks that’s what I’m reacting to.
I’m trying to make bigger efforts with styling and focus on trendy clothes and makeup to balance things out and not age me too much.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 20/01/2022 21:27

Appalling but you dodged a bullet not getting a job at a shit employer.

fizzyfood · 20/01/2022 21:28

I was once told by my female boss that I should wear more makeup ! I was only 18 so said nothing!

OakPine · 20/01/2022 21:28

I'm furious for you!

Are they really saying that you were great for the job, except for your hairstyle. If that were the case (and I'm not condoning it) then they could have recruited you and asked you to change your hair. That would also have been completely unacceptable.

For some reason, the 2 women interviewing you were threatened by you and went on a personal attack. In their eyes, perhaps you were younger, prettier, more classy, better qualified, smarter than them!

You dodged a bullet. Who would want to work with such arseholes!

EmmaH2022 · 20/01/2022 21:35

@Namirya

Thank you everyone for your supportive comments. I have been in shock for a couple of days and outraged as a woman. Bloody sexist, so depressing.

Both the interviewer and the recruiter were women. This is even more depressing.

@TearifficTaz I'd rather not go into too much detail, but trust me - this was a formal work enviroment.

@AtLeastPretendToCare I used a Henri Bendel elastic band to hold the ponytail. Neutral elastic and one small demure gem in the middle. Not scruffy, quite classy in my opinion (Henri Bendel closed down, so it's also a bit of a vintage item! Wink)

So sexist

I would ask them what they'd say to a man. But I guess it's possible they have a list of acceptable haircuts for men. Insanity.

Maze76 · 20/01/2022 21:36

As a black women I can say that we face comments and judgements on our hair in the work place all the time. Natural Afro hair is frowned upon, well kept locks and braids have been labelled ‘to ethnic’, for the corporate world, acceptable hair is considered to be chemically processed or extensions/ weaves.
This happens all the time, and we just deal with it.

CharlotteGoldenblattYork · 20/01/2022 21:38

I wonder if they'd tell a bald man he looked too harsh or thug like and should wear a toupee....

I bet they wouldn't!

Luredbyapomegranate · 20/01/2022 21:39

That is crackers. As well as appalling.

Please do drop a line to the company HR, they will want to know.

RobotValkyrie · 20/01/2022 21:49

This happens all the time, and we just deal with it.

Oh well, that's alright then... Fucking race to the bottom!
And how do you "deal with it", then? Take it on the chin? Nod and smile? Fix your hairstyle? Or take them to court?
I think we deserve to know, oh wise one.

laidbacklife · 20/01/2022 21:56

Not acceptable. Lodge a formal complaint with their HR. I’d also post it on glassdoor or similar.