To be upset at interview feedback about my hair

[Namirya]

Got feedback after a fourth interview, sadly I didn't get the job. The recruiter said the company thought I was extremely well prepared, but I came across as a bit nervous. Fair enough - I know it wasn't my best performance, as I got virtually no sleep the night before (DD woke up in the middle of the night, then insomnia kicked in).

Then the recruiter said something that completely threw me off. She said the interviewer suggested I wear my hair down next time as my hairstyle was too "rigid" in combination with a formal interview suit. I had straightened my hair, and put it up in a sleek ponytail with a lovely elegant band. It was raining, my hair is long and I didn't want a frizzy mess.

The position I was interviewing for was quite senior, in a formal environment. I didn't want my hair to be a distraction. It wasn't messy, or unkempt. What was it commented on? It wouldn't be an issue for a man. I am so annoyed!

@Maze76

As a black women I can say that we face comments and judgements on our hair in the work place all the time. Natural Afro hair is frowned upon, well kept locks and braids have been labelled ‘to ethnic’, for the corporate world, acceptable hair is considered to be chemically processed or extensions/ weaves. This happens all the time, and we just deal with it.

Please please don't just deal with. It's not acceptable. Make a fuss.

You dodged a bullet my friend

When an organisation shows you who they are, believe them.

@Maze76

As a black women I can say that we face comments and judgements on our hair in the work place all the time. Natural Afro hair is frowned upon, well kept locks and braids have been labelled ‘to ethnic’, for the corporate world, acceptable hair is considered to be chemically processed or extensions/ weaves. This happens all the time, and we just deal with it.

You shouldn’t have to deal with it.

It’s totally unacceptable.

I am a recruiter. Yours should have known better than to pass on that clearly ridiculous/irrelevant bit of feedback.

OH MY GOD!

I think it's incredibly rude and totally irrelevant.
My ex husband once got rejected at interview because of his hair, he has waist length curly hair and went to interview in a suit with his hair neatly brushed and in a plait and was told he doesn't look the part "for our company".

Did HR feed this on to you? Tell HR it’s an inappropriate sexist comment that they shouldn’t be passing on.

i have tattoos on my arms and pink hair and have never been rejected for a job. Mind you I work in the NHS.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

I think it's incredibly rude and totally irrelevant. My ex husband once got rejected at interview because of his hair, he has waist length curly hair and went to interview in a suit with his hair neatly brushed and in a plait and was told he doesn't look the part "for our company".

@Pasdelacasa

Point proven

@RobotValkyrie

This happens all the time, and we just deal with it.

Oh well, that's alright then... Fucking race to the bottom!
And how do you "deal with it", then? Take it on the chin? Nod and smile? Fix your hairstyle? Or take them to court?
I think we deserve to know, oh wise one.

Why so aggressive?

Sounds really sexist

@Maze76

As a black women I can say that we face comments and judgements on our hair in the work place all the time. Natural Afro hair is frowned upon, well kept locks and braids have been labelled ‘to ethnic’, for the corporate world, acceptable hair is considered to be chemically processed or extensions/ weaves. This happens all the time, and we just deal with it.

I've not actually been told that my natural hair is unacceptable

In fact I have wondered the other way - have I got away with frizz when a white woman might not.

My sister has chemically straightened her hair since teens, she thinks she would not be offered work otherwise

But generally, I would like to see objections to this, not acceptance

I was once told by an agency to wear heeled shoes on jobs. I ignored them. Now I'd complain but I was 19 and didn't feel able to.

I'm not dyeing my greys and can see that might be an issue next time...but they will have to get past my frizz too!

not sure what's worse, the interviewer saying that or the recruiter passing the message on. Apparently that would be "helpful for my next interview".

Both are awful.

But what did you say when they said that? Surely you reacted in some way?

I swear recruiters say shit like this sometimes to make you doubt yourself. I was told that wearing earrings looked unprofessional when I was given feedback once and that I should think about taking them out before the next interview. I was wearing a single pair of gold studs, they couldn’t have been more bland.

@Maze76

As a black women I can say that we face comments and judgements on our hair in the work place all the time. Natural Afro hair is frowned upon, well kept locks and braids have been labelled ‘to ethnic’, for the corporate world, acceptable hair is considered to be chemically processed or extensions/ weaves. This happens all the time, and we just deal with it.

How can braids be unprofessional? Well done braids look amazing. Who cares if they’re ‘ethnic’.

I have hair at the other end of the scale (super straight and fine, doesn’t hold any curl or wave) and have had some more ‘honest’ colleagues comment on it. Short of getting hair extensions there’s not much I can do about it so they can fuck off with comments about my ‘flat’ hair.

I have a hair dont... it’s curls and mad... it’s me

@RobotValkyrie

This happens all the time, and we just deal with it.

Oh well, that's alright then... Fucking race to the bottom!
And how do you "deal with it", then? Take it on the chin? Nod and smile? Fix your hairstyle? Or take them to court?
I think we deserve to know, oh wise one.

What a horrid comment. She is obviously saying that unfortunately she is accustomed to negative remarks about her hair.

Another recruiter here. I’m guessing the recruiter is friends, or has a more informal relationship with the client (your potential employer) and exercised poor judgement around the feedback and what is appropriate or not appropriate to say.

Could be construed as racism, there has been a lot of discussion about schools/employers commenting on people’s natural hair and saying it’s too rigid, too messy, too big, whatever. They really can’t do that.

Awful. You don’t want to work for a person like that. You made an effort to look smart, exactly as you should have done. They wouldn’t make a comment like that to a man!

@CharlotteGoldenblattYork

I wonder if they'd tell a bald man he looked too harsh or thug like and should wear a toupee....

I bet they wouldn't!

Already said that (without the toupee bit) is exactly what's been implied when DP has gone to interviews.

Is it possible you looked old fashioned in a suit and your hair up? You should be judged on your skills not your appearance but personal presentation is part of the overall picture and if you don’t look current maybe that implies you’re not keeping up with the times in other ways. Shocking that they actually mentioned it.

Was it for L'Oreal?

I work in a creative industry and don't care if someone wears a suit or jeans, it's their ideas that matter. Steve Jobs was hardly the most out there desser! And anyway OP wasn't being interviewed for a creative job!

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

i have tattoos on my arms and pink hair and have never been rejected for a job. Mind you I work in the NHS.

I last worked fulltime/permanent for the NHS in 2005.

The dress code was still only 'natural hair colours' and no visible tattoos' when I left. And I was disciplined for wearing trainers to work - not wearing them at work, but to walk in the door; I had to go to a public toilet and change before walking to my office in case somebody saw a member of staff wearing unsuitable footwear.