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Original poster

To be upset at interview feedback about my hair

331 replies

Namirya · 20/01/2022 19:32

Got feedback after a fourth interview, sadly I didn't get the job. The recruiter said the company thought I was extremely well prepared, but I came across as a bit nervous. Fair enough - I know it wasn't my best performance, as I got virtually no sleep the night before (DD woke up in the middle of the night, then insomnia kicked in).

Then the recruiter said something that completely threw me off. She said the interviewer suggested I wear my hair down next time as my hairstyle was too "rigid" in combination with a formal interview suit. I had straightened my hair, and put it up in a sleek ponytail with a lovely elegant band. It was raining, my hair is long and I didn't want a frizzy mess.

The position I was interviewing for was quite senior, in a formal environment. I didn't want my hair to be a distraction. It wasn't messy, or unkempt. What was it commented on? It wouldn't be an issue for a man. I am so annoyed!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Notcontent · 20/01/2022 20:15

If this is true then it’s absolutely shocking and depressing. But the recruiter is also at fault to have even mentioned this as it’s so mad and misogynistic.

Rewis · 20/01/2022 20:16

I wonder what the interviewer actually said. I've spoken with so many terrible recruitera that I wonder if it was actually them..

Totalwasteofpaper · 20/01/2022 20:16

Moronic feedback.
Sorry this happened to you

headintheproverbial · 20/01/2022 20:17

I'd complain. I work in the field and if I EVER heard an interviewing manager making a comment about someone's personal appearance I'd haul them over the coals, and be considering disciplinary action. It flies in the face of competent interviewing and of course opens the company to complaints of discrimination. Did they give the men feedback about their hairstyles? Did they FUCK.

I do find that sometimes people are grappling with what feedback to give to impressive candidates who are pipped at the post but honestly this is not the way to do it!

Winterflower84 · 20/01/2022 20:17

Utterly ridiculous and I'd be fuming now too. How about they request a photo attached to the application so they can assess the hairstyle of the applicants beforehand and not waste their time? Confused

currering · 20/01/2022 20:17

My friend was told "Apart from you having your tongue pierced , why should I give you a job here?" Absolutely grim. This was about 20 years ago.

TearifficTaz · 20/01/2022 20:18

Well clearly you judged wrong about it being a formal work environment

This is why culture research is critical

For many roles being seen as too formal would be a big red mark at interview

AtLeastPretendToCare · 20/01/2022 20:18

When you say “a lovely elegant band” what do you mean? Because I suspect it is this rather than the ponytail they were referencing.

Confiscatedpopit · 20/01/2022 20:19

You have dodged a massive bullet.

Bluemamma · 20/01/2022 20:23

@TearifficTaz can you give some examples?

Why2why · 20/01/2022 20:27

Wasn’t there a similar post a few days ago? It was about the interviewer giving feedback about the outfit being inappropriate.

TearifficTaz · 20/01/2022 20:27

[quote Bluemamma]@TearifficTaz can you give some examples?[/quote]
Most creative roles this would be a red flag

Many scale ups and start ups even at snr levels being seen as too formal would be a no no

Many tech companies are the same as are most software or dev teams

This is why you look into company culture prior and ask about dress codes. I've worn jeans to every interview I've had in the last 10 years, because I'm in a role that is often more creative and I know it would be more risky to rock up in a smart trouser and shirt.

Never had an unsuccessful interview either

BoredZelda · 20/01/2022 20:29

Seems commonplace given the number of recent threads where an interviewer has commented on appearance after an interview

Fizbosshoes · 20/01/2022 20:29

A friend went to an interview and was told in feedback it was just about her height...Confused

The role was not one where height would be an advantage.

Starstar7 · 20/01/2022 20:30

I would name and shame on LinkedIn..this needs to go viral

Cherrysoup · 20/01/2022 20:30

Highly inappropriate, very bizarre.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/01/2022 20:31

@BitterTits

I mean, what would they say to a bald man in a formal suit? Nothing at all, is my guess.
At risk of invoking a MN trope, I'm wheeling in DP for this.

They say things like 'We are looking for somebody to engage with a refined clientele and our standards of grooming do not extend to extreme hairstyles such as shaving one's head' or 'His chosen style may be one that suited his previous employment, but we have to be seen as inclusive and some of our clients would find this somewhat intimidating'. Or ask him loads of questions about how he would deal with 'people from different cultures' and his 'understanding of the term Diversity' along with mentions of 'certain prohibited organisations' and then send the rejection before he's out of the front door.

In other words, they accuse him of being a skinhead/racist because his hair fell out when he was 22.

Original poster
Namirya · 20/01/2022 20:31

Thank you everyone for your supportive comments. I have been in shock for a couple of days and outraged as a woman. Bloody sexist, so depressing.

Both the interviewer and the recruiter were women. This is even more depressing.

@TearifficTaz I'd rather not go into too much detail, but trust me - this was a formal work enviroment.

@AtLeastPretendToCare I used a Henri Bendel elastic band to hold the ponytail. Neutral elastic and one small demure gem in the middle. Not scruffy, quite classy in my opinion (Henri Bendel closed down, so it's also a bit of a vintage item! Wink)

OP posts:
irritablehead1 · 20/01/2022 20:31

That is totally unacceptable. You must complain.

surreygirl1987 · 20/01/2022 20:31

I'm so cross on your behalf!!

TearifficTaz · 20/01/2022 20:33

@Namirya

Thank you everyone for your supportive comments. I have been in shock for a couple of days and outraged as a woman. Bloody sexist, so depressing.

Both the interviewer and the recruiter were women. This is even more depressing.

@TearifficTaz I'd rather not go into too much detail, but trust me - this was a formal work enviroment.

@AtLeastPretendToCare I used a Henri Bendel elastic band to hold the ponytail. Neutral elastic and one small demure gem in the middle. Not scruffy, quite classy in my opinion (Henri Bendel closed down, so it's also a bit of a vintage item! Wink)

Well it clearly wasn't

If they thought your appearance was too rigid

You judged it wrong

KaptainKaveman · 20/01/2022 20:34

Absolutely outrageous and completely sexist. The company deserves to be named and shamed.
Sorry OP Sad

EarringsandLipstick · 20/01/2022 20:34

What did you say when they said that to you?

Surely you told them what you thought & how unacceptable it is?

I am not doubting you in any way but I'm in shock that this is even possible.

Bubbles1st · 20/01/2022 20:35

I'm furious for you. It's reminds of the time I was interviewed in on a really hot day one summer and in my feedback it was suggested I should have worn a jacket to appear more professional.... yet I actually knew one of the interview panel and the other had no tie on.

Mind boggles how appearance should even get a mention unless attire is wholly inappropriate for the work setting.

Screw them op, hair up is always the best option in my opinion and removes any chance of twiddling nerves or a frizzy mess!

shouldistop · 20/01/2022 20:35

*Well it clearly wasn't

If they thought your appearance was too rigid

You judged it wrong*

Or the interviewer was just an Arse

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