To be upset at interview feedback about my hair

[Namirya]

Got feedback after a fourth interview, sadly I didn't get the job. The recruiter said the company thought I was extremely well prepared, but I came across as a bit nervous. Fair enough - I know it wasn't my best performance, as I got virtually no sleep the night before (DD woke up in the middle of the night, then insomnia kicked in).

Then the recruiter said something that completely threw me off. She said the interviewer suggested I wear my hair down next time as my hairstyle was too "rigid" in combination with a formal interview suit. I had straightened my hair, and put it up in a sleek ponytail with a lovely elegant band. It was raining, my hair is long and I didn't want a frizzy mess.

The position I was interviewing for was quite senior, in a formal environment. I didn't want my hair to be a distraction. It wasn't messy, or unkempt. What was it commented on? It wouldn't be an issue for a man. I am so annoyed!

@Namirya, I’ve not read everyone’s posts on here but I have read yours. I’m sure I’m going to express the same sentiment as many posters (at least the majority of those that I’ve seen on the first few pages).
It’s inappropriate, sexist, and certainly a lucky escape. Unless you’re a hairdresser or a hair model then it should be irrelevant whether or not your hairstyle is to an interviewer’s taste. As long as it was tidy then that’s all there is to it.
How can a prospective employer see this as appropriate feedback and a recruiter validate it by passing it on?
I’m angry on your behalf.
Everyday sexism like this just isn’t ok.

Why is it sexist ?
You’re assuming a man not getting the job would not have been given post interview advice on their appearance

The recruiter is an idiot. So is the client. Please make a complaint. Years ago I tried to get back into work after I’d had my first son. The recruiter at ‘Office Angels’ gave me a stern talking to about whether I’d be able to ‘manage’ childcare and a job, asked if I would be able to commit to an ‘Office job’ as a new Mum. I decided I wouldn’t work on anything that resulted in commission for that tool and started my own business which until recently I ran for 12 years. Oh and I threw in another couple of kids and ‘managed’ wonderfully.

This is sex discrimination. I’d bypass the recruitment agent and email a direct complaint to the head of HR at the hiring company. If this featured as actual feedback from the hiring managers then their processes are discriminatory and HR need to intervene. If nobody says anything then this judging candidates (and by candidates I mean female candidates) by their appearance can run and run. Disgraceful and you’re right to be angry, particularly as you made it to the final of the selection process. You’ll fine something with a better working environment.

@Tigertigertigertiger yes, absolutely assuming a man would not have been given the same feedback. It’s sexist. It’s also normalised to the extent that people think it’s acceptable. It’s not.

@Watapalava

You have misjudged it for sure

Lots of creative jobs would consider a formal standard dress code w flaw since it suggests you have little flair or creativity

I’m my role no one would ever interview in suit

Those who did would look like they didn’t have individuality or creativity - both needed for the role

OP has made it clear it’s not a creative role.

Amazing that some on here are trying to make this OP’s fault.

Misjudged it by tying her hair back? What utter bollocks.

Were any of the women on the earlier panels. I’d be pissed off at that feedback for a one stage process let alone when you’ve already gone through three interviews. Id be giving some feedback about their own processes. If it’s come down to your having a ponytail then they’ve wasted everyone’s time.

@Jewel52

This is sex discrimination. I’d bypass the recruitment agent and email a direct complaint to the head of HR at the hiring company. If this featured as actual feedback from the hiring managers then their processes are discriminatory and HR need to intervene. If nobody says anything then this judging candidates (and by candidates I mean female candidates) by their appearance can run and run. Disgraceful and you’re right to be angry, particularly as you made it to the final of the selection process. You’ll fine something with a better working environment.

You’re assuming no men were spoken to about their appearance.

Dodged a bullet there. Thank the Gods for your lucky escape and move on.

I read another thread yesterday about interview disasters. A few posters had turned up having got their hair or clothes wet from dashing through a rain storm, or had baby puke on their blouse, and they still got the job.

It's nice to present a good impression but we have weather, we have kids, we have LIFE, that throws a curveball. What matters is your ability to do the job, at the end of the day. Your hairstyle (unless interviewing for a hairdressers job) shouldn't matter.

@Jewel52

This is sex discrimination. I’d bypass the recruitment agent and email a direct complaint to the head of HR at the hiring company. If this featured as actual feedback from the hiring managers then their processes are discriminatory and HR need to intervene. If nobody says anything then this judging candidates (and by candidates I mean female candidates) by their appearance can run and run. Disgraceful and you’re right to be angry, particularly as you made it to the final of the selection process. You’ll fine something with a better working environment.

It really isn't

Unless you can prove this wouldn't have happened to a man in this process

Which is absolutely impossible to prove, plus men do get rejected for their appearances at interview too.

Odd so many are trying to bend their backs to make this a feminist issue

YANBU. If you had half a shaved head which made you look intimidating, and you’d been applying for a role in a caring profession or customer facing role I’d not have been surprised at that remark - but criticising you for a neat ponytail?!

Dress is less formal in many places at work nowadays, but it’s not an issue I’d expect to be raised after 4 stages of interviews!

Makes me feel sick. One thing is that they thought you looked too formal with that hairstyle but suggesting you wear your hair down is ridiculous. You may want to do your hair the way you do it for different reasons apart from what it looks like and its none of their business!

/I cant wear my hair down, it tickles me and make me itchy. And doesnt look good for long anyway./

Be relieved you didn’t get the job - who wants to work in a bloody company like that?

okay, so if the interview was for a film role, and every time you moved a cloud of dandruff flew hither and thither, then maybe.

or if you and your clothes hadn't been cleaned for a month and smelled badly, but they politely mentioned your hair instead ...
but then you wouldn't have got to the fourth interview!
the only possible explanation is that they really couldn't decide between the two of you (hence interview number FOUR!) and this is the final test: same/similar comment to each of you: the first to take out tribunal proceedings gets the job!

Absolutely shocking!

As a Recruiter myself, this isn’t the kind of feedback I’d ever even consider giving a candidate. It’s highly inappropriate.

If their clothing was inappropriate (so if they were wearing jeans and casual wear rather than business dress), then that would be feedback I’d give them to ensure they could improve that for their next interview, but personal appearance is never something I would comment on. And certainly wouldn’t give that feedback if one of my stakeholders had said it. It’s just unnecessary and completely inappropriate.

The feedback should be focussed on your performance in the interview. Any elements that can be worked on around showing you are capable of doing a role.

The recruiter is really poor here. Because that isn’t the kind of feedback they should have shared. It’s unprofessional, inappropriate and unless your hairstyle went against the company policy (which it didn’t), then it’s completely unnecessary to tell you about.

And as a recruiter I’d have been challenging the client on the feedback they gave in the first place. Because the hairstyle you chose doesn’t impact how you do the job. And nervousness can be easily overlooked and accepted, if in the interview itself, you demonstrated you have the capability to do the role. You weren’t given any constructive feedback.

You have every right to be angry.

@Alayalaya
Please don't malign yourself. We are all different, but beautiful in our own way.

Looks aren't everything, your character is and will always be more important to those who love and care about you.
💐

My daughter went for a highly paid job with a charity in London it was the normal not to wear shoes Glad she didn’t get the job went to work in government instead before party times

If it was an Alice type band...then yes. It gives off a certain vibe which isn't a good one.

You are too good for them.
Good Luck with your next interview and wear your hair how you want.

What was the role for? Pretty sure their feedback is illegal. You can’t provide feedback based on nerves and that their hair was up or not. Who wants to work with this pile of shallow dog turds anyway if this drivel is their feedback. Complain to their HR then run don’t walk and get you and your ponytail some real employers - I am really angry for you. Can you imagine a mans reaction to comments on his hair in a serious interview? - omg!! Report the sexist idiots xx

@Augustmummy

What was the role for? Pretty sure their feedback is illegal. You can’t provide feedback based on nerves and that their hair was up or not. Who wants to work with this pile of shallow dog turds anyway if this drivel is their feedback. Complain to their HR then run don’t walk and get you and your ponytail some real employers - I am really angry for you. Can you imagine a mans reaction to comments on his hair in a serious interview? - omg!! Report the sexist idiots xx

As already covered in the thread:

A) probably not “illegal”

B) you’ve no evidence that it’s sexist because you don’t know whether any men received feedback on their appearance

C) you don’t know that it wasn’t HR delivering the feedback

Weird feedback. It like saying next time wear your top a bit more down. Totally inappropriate.

We interviewed for a very senior finance position
He had a shaved head. Looked like a quintessential BNP supporter
He was a great candidate but no bloody way would we put him in front of candidates
We were all honest in our private discussions
But we sure as heck didn’t tell the recruiter!

@Toanewstart22 So you rejected an excellent candidate on looks??