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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at interview feedback about my hair

331 replies

Namirya · 20/01/2022 19:32

Got feedback after a fourth interview, sadly I didn't get the job. The recruiter said the company thought I was extremely well prepared, but I came across as a bit nervous. Fair enough - I know it wasn't my best performance, as I got virtually no sleep the night before (DD woke up in the middle of the night, then insomnia kicked in).

Then the recruiter said something that completely threw me off. She said the interviewer suggested I wear my hair down next time as my hairstyle was too "rigid" in combination with a formal interview suit. I had straightened my hair, and put it up in a sleek ponytail with a lovely elegant band. It was raining, my hair is long and I didn't want a frizzy mess.

The position I was interviewing for was quite senior, in a formal environment. I didn't want my hair to be a distraction. It wasn't messy, or unkempt. What was it commented on? It wouldn't be an issue for a man. I am so annoyed!

OP posts:
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7
Lena18 · 21/01/2022 15:49

Also work in HR .. you dodged a bullet. I would also be tempted to provide my own constructive feedback on their interview techniques

Lena18 · 21/01/2022 15:50

Wherever about the interviewer giving such feedback to recruiter, the recruiter should definitely know better and not pass on.
They should also have corrected the person doing interview letting them know appearence does not come into decision making.

This is bang on

Reebs · 21/01/2022 17:33

Absolutely unacceptable and not a legitimate requirement for selection material (unless the role is to do with hair, but even so). Definitely a case for indirect sex discrimination and the recruiter (if it was an agency) should have known that and challenged the company when they said it.

threatmatrix · 21/01/2022 17:33

Hmmm could you report that.

Leedsfan247 · 21/01/2022 17:38

Very unusual for a personal comment like that to be made - even if they were thinking it

Payitforward55 · 21/01/2022 17:39

Surely that's not legal. You didn't get the job because if your hair???

Mediocrates · 21/01/2022 17:39

I opened this thread expecting it to be about brightly coloured hair (mine is a very bright non-natural colour and I know some employers/environments wouldn't employ someone on that basis)

But a ponytail? Seriously?! No wonder you're annoyed - that's unbelievable

DungballInADress · 21/01/2022 17:39

I work in HR.

  1. Unless you're interviewing for a VERY senior position, four interviews is ridiculous
  2. Please ask the recruiter if they would provide similar feedback on hairstyle to a male candidate.
  3. You've had a lucky escape. I'm furious for you but you've dodged a bullet.
PUGMEISTER21 · 21/01/2022 17:40

Bang out of order. Probably best off not working for then anyway as I dread to think what the culture would be like. I would feed it back to the HR department (assuming I wasn't HR who said it)

TillyTopper · 21/01/2022 17:45

They commented on your hair!? I find that bizarre, especially saying it was too formal. The only thing I can think of is that they had 2 ppl, couldn't find a reason to not take you, so made up some complete rubbish about hair. I'm sorry OP - but lucky escape if that's what they concentrate on!

rifling · 21/01/2022 17:48

The recruiter said something about how that made me looked closed up and didn't convey my personality.
Since when does your hair convey your personality? I have alopecia. What does that say about my personality? That it's missing? I think it was a terrible comment for the interviewer to make.

JillApple · 21/01/2022 17:48

Bet it was a bald man who commented. A former manager of mine commented about my hair being unkempt I had been running up and downstairs for four hours, no break, left on my own advising vulnerable customers ...He was bald..lazy..and possibly jealous?Confused

Harls1969 · 21/01/2022 17:51

That's just rude and I thought we'd got past judging people on their appearance. I remember many years ago doing work experience in a hairdresser's. In my feedback they mentioned that I was dressed frumpily. Yes, that's because I had to wear my school uniform. Also, it wasn't a trendy salon, it was very much shampoo and sets and one of the hairdressers wore Scholl mules with socks FFS Confused

Watchamocauli · 21/01/2022 17:53

Lucky escape OP…. Better places out there to work for. Good luck

If this was my workplace, the interviewer would have been disciplined for even uttering such things

TearifficTaz · 21/01/2022 17:54

@JillApple

Bet it was a bald man who commented. A former manager of mine commented about my hair being unkempt I had been running up and downstairs for four hours, no break, left on my own advising vulnerable customers ...He was bald..lazy..and possibly jealous?Confused
The OP has already confirmed it was women on the interview panel

But don't let that get in the way of a pointless anecdote

silverbubbles · 21/01/2022 17:54

You need to write / contact the HR dept of the company that interviewed you. Make a complaint about the person that interviewed you giving this sort of feedback on your personal appearance.

Don't go through the agency.

czechitout · 21/01/2022 17:57

That's very sad.
Actually, I'm not surprised that it was woman, who commented (and woman who passed the comment). The other day (very long time ago though), I've read that women tend to be more judging on other womens' appearance in interviews (e.g. they're more like to judge female candidate not wearing make up than men). Quite sad.
They probably just thought they're giving you friendly advice, but I'm not sure how they'd feel if either of them would be at the receiving end of this 'advice'.

Ace7 · 21/01/2022 17:57

You are so not being unreasonable! Sounds to me like you were well put together for an interview and the way you wear your hair is a matter for you. The fact that they think the need to interview you four times is also ridiculous anyway irrespective of how senior the role. Lucky escape for you, I would say.

Itsmemaggie · 21/01/2022 18:02

@Watapalava

You have misjudged it for sure

Lots of creative jobs would consider a formal standard dress code w flaw since it suggests you have little flair or creativity

I’m my role no one would ever interview in suit

Those who did would look like they didn’t have individuality or creativity - both needed for the role

In what way is it creative to be so judgemental about someone’s appearance?

Surely only selecting a certain ‘type’ of person is a sure fire way to ensure you ever recruit a narrow range of creativity?

JedEye · 21/01/2022 18:02

Agree that you had a lucky escape, can you imagine working there with those people?! So rude.

They could do with some feedback!

FateHasRedesignedMost · 21/01/2022 18:02

I guess she was just trying to be helpful? If by high ponytail you mean scraped back into a facelift-type ponytail, maybe it did look too harsh/hard?

No need to have loose hair, but an elegant chignon or loose bun can work well with a formal suit.

Checkedshirt · 21/01/2022 18:02

I don't know who has voted 'YABU', but they need to take their head for a wobble.

I'm interviewing people for two roles in my team at the moment. The only reason I would mention someone's hair is if it caught on fire.

KeepingAnOpenMind · 21/01/2022 18:03

I’d make a complaint

NippySweetie16 · 21/01/2022 18:03

Write a formal complaint to the MD. This is discrimatory and completely unacceptable.

fussyhousewife · 21/01/2022 18:03

Was the interviewer male? Sounds like a very sexist comment to me and certainly not a Company I would be tripping over folk to work for. I would have responded to feedback quite strongly suggesting that my appearance was not the issue their attitude was.

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