Think my husband has a lovechild

[Claire14467]

I am in shock and I don’t know what to do. I have just been contacted by a young man who has done an ancestry.com DNA test. He says the site indicates that there is a parental match to my husband. I know we have done these so they have our DNA on the system but I must say my husband was not keen on it at all at the time.
I am absolutely in shock. He is at work right now and I don’t know how I will face him later. Could this be wrong? Could this man be lying to get money?
Has anyone had a similar experience and got to the bottom of this?! I’m literally shaking with worry and anger.

@GatoradeMeBitch. I am a “bastard” and find that comment offensive. I have been searching for my biological father . Maybe the young man was scared of approaching your husband and thought it might be better to speak to you ?

Very curious, I hope you get to the bottom of it. My first thought is it must be a scam.

How else is a child that hasn't known their father supposed to 'announce' it ?

To their potential father? Not his wife? With some understanding that you don't know the circumstances? What does this man want to announce it in such a fashion? A welcome hug?

Crikey, I can understand why you're so hurt & angry. But just take a deep breath & have it out with hubby tonight. Could be a mix up. Does hubby have a brother? However this pans out, big hugs coming your way xx

This is going to happen more and more..

Oh and I said clam down because you called me a tedious deliberately obtuse bully 20 minutes after I apologised.

@NatashaBedwouldbenice

Please don't be angry with this young man. He is not at fault and this is likely to be a very confusing, scary and upsetting experience for him. I think he has been very brave in contacting you first.

Presumably you can see that he matches your husband's DNA? How many centimorgans is the match?

I agree. The OP will obviously be worried & want to speak to her H. But, unless this IS some sort of 'scam' then this young man is an innocent person in this situation.

Sadly, you can be a cow too, even when someone's clearly distressed. That's pretty vulgar too.

You are correct. Hence my apology.

If he can prove he's the actual person on Ancestry UK and he's a 50% dna match to your hubby , he's not lying.

Was the contact email or phone call OP? Did he give you any information, such as his mothers name, or where he was born etc?

It must be a huge, huge shock, and I really hope there is some sort of explanation other than he had an affair.

I also think that perhaps you ought to see if your husband can come home from work early. You are obviously very shook up and otherwise you are going to spend the rest of the day in total turmoil.

Can you contact the company that matches the DNA to check it's legitimate?

I would search this person now by his name and see what you can find out before you tell your husband.

@Georgeskitchen

If he can prove he's the actual person on Ancestry UK and he's a 50% dna match to your hubby , he's not lying.

To be fair, the OP doesn't seem to have looked into how close a match this person is. She's just going off what he is telling her via message. The person may be mistaken, malicious, jumping to conclusions. We just don't know which is why I and others have been encouraging her to log in and look at the cM numbers.

@crochetmonkey74 @SchadenfreudePersonified and any others:

At 13:48, Elelel apologised to the Op.

Unless he's already contacted your husband how would he know about you? I wonder if he's tried to contact him already with no luck so thats why he's reached out to you

What a terrible shock for you OP. I hope there is an innocent explanation and that your dh hasn't been unfaithful. His reaction will probably say it all

STOP DERAILING THIS THREAD WITH YOUR SILLY BICKERING THE LOT OF YOU.

Jeezo, it's like being in nursery school.

It depends on what level of service you signed up for with Ancestry.com. They match and hint your DNA to other family trees. In any event I would have though it’s a breach of data protection to provide someone with your direct contact details - more likely that contact could only be made via the app and with the consent of both parties. I would treat this with suspicion and I think the first thing to do would be to make contact with Ancestry.com and ask about their privacy policy, then take things from there.

No advice to offer, shameless placemarking.