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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Think my husband has a lovechild

507 replies

Claire14467 · 20/01/2022 13:37

I am in shock and I don’t know what to do. I have just been contacted by a young man who has done an ancestry.com DNA test. He says the site indicates that there is a parental match to my husband. I know we have done these so they have our DNA on the system but I must say my husband was not keen on it at all at the time.
I am absolutely in shock. He is at work right now and I don’t know how I will face him later. Could this be wrong? Could this man be lying to get money?
Has anyone had a similar experience and got to the bottom of this?! I’m literally shaking with worry and anger.

OP posts:
Hertsgirl10 · 20/01/2022 14:58

@2022success

Why has he contacted you rather than your DH? Confused
@2022success

He may have contacted him in the past and had no luck so is trying this way, these situations are so sad for the children, the ones that are denied and the ones that don’t know about the other child/children.

OP what will you do about this if he says he did have an affair? Regarding the child I mean, if he he related to your children surely it’s best to speak to him.
Don’t presume that he’s looking just for money, never known anyone apart from in soap land that screw absent fathers or mothers for money, they want to know who they came from and their family history.

So sorry that you’re going through this.

FixItUpChappie · 20/01/2022 15:00

25yr old is self absorbed knob to call you out of the blue and announce your husband may be his dad Hmm

Hertsgirl10 · 20/01/2022 15:00

@Bortles

As someone who is both a lovechild and a bastard I can confirm both terms and outdates, unneceessary and offensive. Hope op saves her anger for the husband, not the potential son.
@Bortles

People are so cruel how they speak about others.

girlmom21 · 20/01/2022 15:00

I think you only apologised here as you've been called out by several posters. Stop trolling people on here

Even if she's only apologised because someone else called her out she's still apologised. How does you attacking her make you any better?

girlmom21 · 20/01/2022 15:01

@FixItUpChappie

25yr old is self absorbed knob to call you out of the blue and announce your husband may be his dad Hmm
This is a ridiculous thing to say. You don't know him. You don't know why he's done what he's done.
Byebyeboris · 20/01/2022 15:02

@Claire14467

The man is 25 so would’ve been nine years into our marriage. I was pregnant with our third child too at the time! I am so angry because of the potential that he has had an affair.
I’m so sorry. Hopefully there’ll be some explanation. Hope all works out.
Cottonfrenzie · 20/01/2022 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Eggshausted · 20/01/2022 15:03

I hope it is all a big mistake and that everything is ok for you.

girlmom21 · 20/01/2022 15:04

@Cottonfrenzie and she was called out by about 30 posters before you. You are now becoming the bully. You've made your point.

ivegotthisyeah · 20/01/2022 15:04

Could be a scam?

Pinkyantelope · 20/01/2022 15:04

I think this is more common than people realise. My father in law had a child who we only found out about through one of these sites, after his death.

Vapeyvapevape · 20/01/2022 15:04

25yr old is self absorbed knob to call you out of the blue and announce your husband may be his dad

How else is a child that hasn't known their father supposed to 'announce' it ?

Cottonfrenzie · 20/01/2022 15:04

@girlmom21 you also seiectively quoted me and missed out the context of previously hounding a poster.

MintJulia · 20/01/2022 15:04

The fact that he contacted you rather than your dh says scam to me.

I'd take it with a very large pinch of salt until you've jointly investigated with your dh.

MadeForThis · 20/01/2022 15:04

Would you husband not have matched to this person too?
Does he have a close match that you can see on his profile?

crochetmonkey74 · 20/01/2022 15:04

I think you only apologised here as you've been called out by several posters. Stop trolling people on here

and then telling them to 'calm down'

(rolls eyes to back of head)

Cottonfrenzie · 20/01/2022 15:05

[quote girlmom21]@Cottonfrenzie and she was called out by about 30 posters before you. You are now becoming the bully. You've made your point. [/quote]
My point was about previous hounding other posters. By selectively quoting my post you misrepresent my point

gsaoej · 20/01/2022 15:05

Unless the babies got switched, there is no scientific explanation for a match as high as a parental match. The only relatives that can match as highly as a parent-child are full siblings. And even then, the parental match is always 50% but the sibling match is variable (lower and higher than 50%).

Ellowyn · 20/01/2022 15:05

My daughter-in-law was conceived from a sperm donor, via a sperm bank. I paid for her 23&Me account so she could discover any half-siblings.

What a great surprise she had when she discovered about 25 - 30 half-siblings and her bio-father. Most of them stay in contact and she is in daily contact with her bio-father. They are like two peas in a pod. He is the only family member of hers I've ever met. Lovely man. She closer to him than the people who raised her.

He told me that some of his 'children' were shocked to discover they were conceived by a sperm donor. The parents never told them! These people also told him they didn't respond at first because they thought it was scam or something. Some of his children have refused to keep in contact, but most are in contact with him and their half-siblings.

girlmom21 · 20/01/2022 15:06

[quote Cottonfrenzie]@girlmom21 you also seiectively quoted me and missed out the context of previously hounding a poster.[/quote]
If you think she's a troll or a bully then report her. Don't do the exact same thing.

Pinkyantelope · 20/01/2022 15:06

Also, why would you assume he wants money. Isn't it perfectly reasonable that someone would want to get to know their own father?

OVienna · 20/01/2022 15:06

@CaMePlaitPas

Of course this is real.
If this is sarcastic, I hope you think twice about doing a commercial DNA test.

I actually can't believe there are still people who don't realise there have been a tsunami of cases like these since they became popular.

The tests don't make 'mistakes' in so far as they do give a real reading of total centimorgans of DNA two people share. They might predict some relationships wrong (i.e. cousin or uncle or aunt etc) but not a parental relationship. Ask me how I know.

Riverlee · 20/01/2022 15:07

I can understand how this is a shock, nine years into your marriage.

Like others have said, find out the facts first. Speak to your husband. Ask him whether he had an affair? One night stand? Etc nine years ago. If he denies it, then carefully watch his reaction to see if he’s lying or telling the truth. Was there any suspicious behaviour around that time - longer working hours, increase interest in his appearance etc?

If there’s an element if truth, then do a dna test to confirm the relationship.

girlmom21 · 20/01/2022 15:08

OP I'd get as much information from the potential son as you can before confronting your husband.

Nanny0gg · 20/01/2022 15:08

@Dontknownow86

He might not know anything about it? What are you worried about? I have recently submitted my DNA to ancestry and my bio dad has no idea that I exist. I'm not sure what I'll do of it flags a match tbh but it's nobodies fault (other than my mum's for not telling him at the time). If he's anything like me he'll just want to know where he comes from and not much more. To be honest I'd be happy with just a photo.
Look how long they've been married!!
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