Think my husband has a lovechild

[Claire14467]

I am in shock and I don’t know what to do. I have just been contacted by a young man who has done an ancestry.com DNA test. He says the site indicates that there is a parental match to my husband. I know we have done these so they have our DNA on the system but I must say my husband was not keen on it at all at the time.
I am absolutely in shock. He is at work right now and I don’t know how I will face him later. Could this be wrong? Could this man be lying to get money?
Has anyone had a similar experience and got to the bottom of this?! I’m literally shaking with worry and anger.

There has been some scams with people pretending that they found you on ancestry, just do check everything

Oh wow , what a message to receive. I hope it turns out to be wrong op x

What a shock op . Poor you, your mind must be doing somersaults.
It might be bullshit but be prepared for your husband to deny and try to lie his way out of it .

I can't see any comments from the OP stating why, sorry

No, she is not one of the many people who has explained this @m1shap3. Repeatedly. .

Gosh, this sounds incredibly stressful for you. Does parental match definitely mean father / son? Could it also mean your DHs father would also be a potential match? Could DHs father be this persons father?
I'm sorry, I'm not an expert in how Ancestry works. I hope your conversation goes well and you get some answers. Thinking of you!

Can you log on to Ancestry to see the cM figure or estimated connection?

I've added some pictures of my DNA hits of an uncle, a cousin and some 2nd/3rd cousins for comparison for you.

I would ask for further info before you speak to your DH OP. Where was he born, his mothers name, what his mother had told him about his father etc. I’d want all the info before I confronted in case the DH tried to say it was a mistake which is unlikely if the lad contacted the OP directly through Ancestry.

I see where you're coming from, but I wouldn't read too much in to it if he doesn't provide this information. He may want to protect his mum, he may want to protect her husband. He may well be feeling vulnerable and not want to send photos or give too much away. He has no clue what kind of people OP and her husband are.

I can't begin to imagine how OP is feeling today

Which tests has your OH done OP?

If he has done the y chromosome test as well as the autosomal test, it may be a paternal line relative, rather than paternal. You need to log in and see the results and matches to see which one it is.

If it is the autosomal test they will share around 50% of their dna. I share 26 and 23% with two of my aunts, and 11 and 12% with two of my cousins. It's quite clear when you look at it. This is a completely different test to the y chromosome payernal line dna test.

I hope you get an answer and it isn't too distressing.

Ancestry don't do Y testing any more, it's just autosomal.

Don't jump to conclusions - your husband may have donated sperm that was used 15 years later for example.

When my grandmother tested against my DNA there were around 4 different relationships that we could have.

Just take it a step at a time.

There may be a simple explanation. Save your anger until you know the facts.

How accurate is this ancestry site?

Oh dear "Literally shaking" doesn't bode well.

@Curiousmouse

Oh dear "Literally shaking" doesn't bode well.

My sentiments exactly

Does your DH have a brother who might be this persons father?

Good luck Op

Why has he contacted you rather than your DH?

I suppose it's possible he has already tried to contact the husband and has not received any acknowledgement.

I don't think that the OP knows how DNA sites work.

Gosh, I hope the discussion goes well 🤞
Is it possible the man has parental and paternal mixed up?
Also if dh has a brother would that throw up a close match? I know nothing of dna although members of my family have done the 23andme tests.

Take a deep breath .

He might be his son
He might not be
And if he is then presumably you have been happily married for those 25 years .

One step at a time .

@TokyoDreaming

I don't think that the OP knows how DNA sites work.

Neither do loads of the people who have replied to the thread.

Could it be that he has already contacted your husband but had no response, so he is now trying to get contact through you?

Well, I would have inquired about the possibility of sperm donation, but the fact he was born not only during your marriage but shortly after you had your 3rd child would make me assume he'd cheated on you. Hence the great reluctance to do the DNA thing.

You're going to have to talk to him calmly and ask him if there's any possibility the child could be his, because based on the timing and what was going on in your marriage at the time, you have to ask.

No use jumping to conclusions until you have a definitive DNA test, this guy could be anyone! Speak to DH first obviously, see what he has to say. If he’s had an affair then there’s a strong possibility it’s true but you still need a DNA test before going anywhere else with this. It must have come as a huge shock to you. I’d ask him to contact your DH from now on, it’s odd he came to you.

I found my father on ancestry and a brother. I was so excited and contacted them. Shit storm ensued and I was told never to contact them again or else. I was devastated as my mother and stepfather rejected me and I was made to leave their home at 16.
Whatever your feelings are this young man has done nothing wrong and deserves at least a photo. I didn't even get that and know nothing about mt heritage, family or medical history which is all I wanted really.
Its pretty awful being rejected by both parents.