Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To contact the school about this tomorrow

405 replies

cornbeeflegs · 19/01/2022 22:02

My eldest DD (13) goes swimming with one of her friends on a Wednesday evening, has done since last August, at the local leisure centre. She goes straight from school to her friend's house, has dinner, does homework, etc and then they go to the pool for 8pm, spend an hour in the open swim session, then she gets dropped back here by one of friend's parents.
She came back very subdued this evening, thought maybe she'd had a fallout with friend or something, eventually she opened up and said she'd got into trouble with one of her teachers. Asked her which lesson it was in and what had happened, then she said it was at swimming.
Apparently DD and friend had been waiting for their lift home after swim session when one of their teachers had seen them, recognised them as being from her school because they were in uniform, and then proceeded to tell them off for not wearing it as per school rules, even though they weren't at school they were still "representing the school" by wearing it. She's asked them both to see her first thing tomorrow morning.
Usually I'm supportive of school and if my children transgress the rules then they face the consequences. But surely this is too harsh?

OP posts:
RobotValkyrie · 21/01/2022 20:33

And then some old people wonder why some young people these days have no respect for authority etc...
Stupid rules enforced blindly are a fool-proof recipe to generate rebellion, and quite rightly.

That's leadership 101. That teacher (and the school she works for, if her behaviour is in line with what her hierarchy expects) is dumb as fuck.

If I was your daughter, I'd make a big show of burning my uniform live on TikTok just after my last day in this antiquated carceral system.
As a former university teacher, I despair at secondary schools' basic lack of respect for the young minds in their care. Treat them like young adults, and they behave like young adults. Treat them like cattle... and what do you expect?

UnitedRoad · 21/01/2022 20:36

My mum said her school was like this. They had to keep their hats on on the bus as they were ‘representing the school’ and they’d gent in big trouble if they were seen in uniform without it.

However my mum is 75 next month.

I haven’t read the full thread only your initial post, so I hope you’ve updated that common sense has prevailed. I imagine YOU paid for the uniform, it’s your property, not the schools. She shouldn’t have to take extra clothes to school for swimming days. That teacher really is prehistoric

MerryMarigold · 21/01/2022 20:36

My kids never change it of uniform. I have 3 at secondary. DS2 is playing FIFA in his blazer as we speak 😂. If the teachers could hear his FIFA-rage whilst wearing uniform, I'm sure he'd get 100 lines too!

On a more serious note, I would take this up with school even if it's just to highlight an issue with this teacher. I would first all teacher involved what happened just so you have the correct 'version'. Then take it to the next level. There will probably be a deputy head and a head above her if she's an assistant head, so I'd just email them in a FYI way. They should be aware of how their staff are behaving outside school too!

MsJaneAusten · 21/01/2022 20:47

"I can see your point here, but for me it's more the principle of whether the teacher/school can legislate whether my children can wear school uniform after school hours and how it's worn?"

I think most schools have an expectation that if a pupil is in uniform, they should be behaving appropriately. I’m a teacher and when I’ve seen pupils in our school uniform messing about on a bridge or playing ‘chicken’, I’ve stopped and reminded them of school rules / expectations. When I’ve seen them smoking in uniform, I’ve put them in detention the next day. I regularly see them in the supermarket though (the closest I can think of to your example) - with shirt untucked or tie off - and wouldn’t say any more than ‘hello’ to them as they’re not doing anything disreputable.

CathyorClaire · 21/01/2022 20:55

Goodness.

Quite the coincidence their teacher being in the same random spot at 9pm in the few minutes window before their lift turned up.

And then being interested enough in their appearance to demand a hauling over the coals first thing next day?

It's almost unbelievable that could happen.

OutIsay · 21/01/2022 21:03

Go on their website, look at the policies and if it is not there then politely ask for a copy of it from the head.

"Dear HT, please could you supply a copy of the policy where it states that students should not be wearing their school uniform after school hours. I really need to view it as it may mean that child's name has difficulty participating in some after school clubs."

Or just ring up and ask the same.

Kabakofte · 21/01/2022 21:05

As a parent (and a teacher in another establishment) I have rarely complained to my kids' school as I tend to see the teaching side of things but this, this is ludicrous on so many levels. I would write out the facts (not so much emotions) of the events and then ask for a response. I would absolutely email the Head as a complaint about the way it has been handled. Any complaint must be responded to in a timely manner so you should hear back promptly. If the reply is unsatisfactory then you are free to write to the governors - just avoid the tabloid press!

Caddycat · 21/01/2022 21:08

@RobotValkyrie

And then some old people wonder why some young people these days have no respect for authority etc... Stupid rules enforced blindly are a fool-proof recipe to generate rebellion, and quite rightly.

That's leadership 101. That teacher (and the school she works for, if her behaviour is in line with what her hierarchy expects) is dumb as fuck.

If I was your daughter, I'd make a big show of burning my uniform live on TikTok just after my last day in this antiquated carceral system.
As a former university teacher, I despair at secondary schools' basic lack of respect for the young minds in their care. Treat them like young adults, and they behave like young adults. Treat them like cattle... and what do you expect?

Perhaps they have no respect because their parents complain to the school whenever they feel something is unfair?

I totally think the teacher was being stupid, however rules are rules and this is what the school will say. I would tell my child to make sure she brings a change of clothes for after swimming.

ThePrionOne · 21/01/2022 21:09

I’d be asking what happened/why DD got lines in order to get the teacher’s point of view.

If it all happened as your daughter has stated, it’s absolutely ridiculous. I used to wear my uniform after school and my children did too. If they were not misbehaving, then to punish them purely about the way their uniform was is wholly over the top.

Ohmycron · 21/01/2022 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

ChiefStockingStuffer · 21/01/2022 21:19

My child would not be doing lines and I would be going straight over her head. Absolutely ridiculous behaviour by the teacher.

HelloDulling · 21/01/2022 21:23

How ridiculous. The clothes belong to her, not her school (so it’s not like a work uniform). During the school day they can insist on a level of smartness, but after hours it is down to her-and you-what she wears, and how.

user1487194234 · 21/01/2022 21:25

Teacher sounds like a control freak
I would definitely take this further

gsaoej · 21/01/2022 21:26

Christ on a bike
Unless they were wearing their ties as boob tubes the teacher needs to get a life.

catmothertes1 · 21/01/2022 21:31

Anyone else find it strange that those girls have come out of school,did their h/w,had their tea,went swimming and they are still wearing their school uniform?

MyOtherProfile · 21/01/2022 21:32

Not especially catmother - one of my children stays in uniform all evening no matter what they're doing and the other changes as soon as they get in the door.

Frazzled50yrold · 21/01/2022 21:36

Poor girls, I'd contact the school if it was my child. They're out taking exercise and responsibly waiting to be lifted by a parent when they're harassed by an adult.

HelloDulling · 21/01/2022 21:38

@catmothertes1

Anyone else find it strange that those girls have come out of school,did their h/w,had their tea,went swimming and they are still wearing their school uniform?
Not at all. Neither of mine change after school.
Kennykenkencat · 21/01/2022 21:40

Long story short, she told them both off for being in uniform out of school hours, uniform is for school time only

So children leaving school should strip off at the gate so they aren’t wearing school uniform out side of school

My school uniform was always a state as

A. I am very messy.

and

B. My mother bought my uniform to last. It was 5 sizes too big and I never went anywhere near growing into it.
So the sleeves always flapped and the skirt was nearly ankle length.

Aderyn21 · 21/01/2022 21:50

I would make a formal complaint about this and there's no way my child would be doing those lines.

Some teachers get carried away with their own importance. It doesn't actually matter whether the school approve of your child wearing uniform outside of school or the state of her uniform outside of school - the fact is that you own that uniform, it's your money that paid for it and outside of school hours the staff have no jurisdiction over your child!
I think sometimes schools need a little reminder of this - they aren't actually in charge of your child 24/7. As the parent you decide what is appropriate and in your shoes there's no way I'd be allowing a punishment to be given for something that occurred outside of school. The only exception to that would be for bullying type behaviour which can spill over into school, but obviously that's not applicable.

Aderyn21 · 21/01/2022 21:55

And the whole 'rules are rules' argument is stupid - bad rules ought to be challenged not blindly followed.
It's a parent's responsibility to advocate for their children and protect them from bullying and power hungry twats who abuse their authority!

Peasonearthandcarrotwilltoall · 21/01/2022 22:03

I wonder if she would've have done the same thing had your daughter been dressed the exact same way but stood with another adult rather than another child.
I suspect she wouldn't have.

Original poster
cornbeeflegs · 21/01/2022 22:33

Apologies for late update, long day at work.

Following advice on here, I sent DD with a note to Mrs X with half lines completed, explaining that she wasn't able to finish them due to lack of time, other homework, etc.

I called the school during my first break, and asked to speak to the year head, who wasn't available so I left a message explaining the situation. I was assured that I would get a call back later in the day.

I did get a call, but I missed it due to not being able to have my phone with me. The message left basically said that the matter was being looked into, and it would maybe be easier to either go into school to discuss, or email my concerns. I don't know which would be better?

Having looked at the school website, there is no specific guidance regarding uniform rules outside school hours. The rules for during school hours are very prescriptive, although from my observations there are students who don't observe all of them, as to whether they get sanctions I don't know.

DD saw Mrs X, gave her the lines and note, which were accepted, and a comment along the lines of "I hope that this is the end of the matter" was made.

I don't know to what to make of it all. Teacher on a power trip/off day? Or is is something more serious? DD seems to have had a good day at school, went round to another friend's after school and I picked her up on the way home from work, went via a pizza takeaway and she went in to get the order, still in school uniform and she seems back to her normal chatty self.

Would an email or in-person meeting be better?

OP posts:
Original poster
cornbeeflegs · 21/01/2022 22:34

@Ohmycron

So. No result. It’s all a pile of crap
I'm sorry you think that, obviously you've not had any similar experiences?
OP posts:
madisonbridges · 21/01/2022 22:37

Let it go would be better. Your daughter has managed to survive writing 50 lines and is OK with it. Don't stir things up for her.