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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel comfortable using work's unisex toilets

289 replies

Whatafustercluck · 19/01/2022 20:52

My employer is moving offices into a different building. All the toilets are unisex. Most of the men seem fine with this (those who made the decision to move there are men) while the women I've spoken with don't feel comfortable about this for various reasons, from cleanliness to embarrassment about male colleagues knowing they're on their period or whatever. I'm really not happy with this, but feel like it's expected to just get on with it and it's considered somewhat old fashioned to think/ feel this way. Aibu?

OP posts:
334bu · 20/01/2022 17:56

Men know women have periods, do I'm not going to feel uncomfortable with them hearing a pad and I've washed my hands in front of plenty of men

Never look up " male menstrual fetishisation" on the Internet or you might think twice about what you have just written .😝

FangsForTheMemory · 20/01/2022 17:59

Floor to ceiling sounds OK. I have always hated cubicles where people outside can hear you peeing or pooing. I don't care whether it's men or women listening, the kind of cubicles that have a 20cm gap under the door and a metre gap above it are grim. They give the ILLUSION of privacy but are not private. In my last office the only separate loos were the disabled ones and guess what? Everyone used them for poos because they were private, which wasn't very nice for the disabled people.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 20/01/2022 18:05

We have a bank of fully self-contained unisex loos on the 2nd floor of our building. I work on the 11th floor but go down to use them because they are so much more private than the single-sex cubicles.

Luckily the men at my work place all seem to be fully toilet-trained as they’re always in a good state.

ChristmasFluff · 20/01/2022 18:10

Since I left the NHS I've never worked anywhere with single-sex loos. It's fine.

Since it's at work, there are unlikely to be too many groups of drunken men in there.

Omicrone · 20/01/2022 18:12

@sheiselectric

You are absolutely not unreasonable. The school I work at has us in bubbles and we have designated toilets. Mine is the men's. Hate the bloody noise the sanitary towel bin makes and how I always seem to be on when there is another man in there. Piss all over the toilet seats (I know women can be grim too but in 6 years at the school, pissy seats was never a problem until I had to start sharing with men). I broke bubble rules and started sneakily using the women's because I hated it so much. Speak to management- it's not ok.
This is illegal isn't it?!
sadpapercourtesan · 20/01/2022 18:12

@ChristmasFluff

Since I left the NHS I've never worked anywhere with single-sex loos. It's fine.

Since it's at work, there are unlikely to be too many groups of drunken men in there.

That's great, but what's your position on women who - for a range of reasons - DO have a problem sharing facilities with men? Should they just suck it up?
ViceLikeBlip · 20/01/2022 18:14

We have unisex toilets at work. I can't explain how much I hate it. It's not just the pissing/changing tampons etc, I also find it really uncomfortable sharing the small handwashing area (with no window) with a male member of staff.

Having had a near permanent UTI for 4 months, I just use the disabled loo now.

ViceLikeBlip · 20/01/2022 18:18

Ps we've only got about 25-30 members of staff in the building, probably close to a 50:50 male:female split. I know all the men very well, and I like them all. I still hate having to share a toilet with them.

UnicornsReal · 20/01/2022 18:22

Apart from anything else women often out on make up or re apply in toilets. Who wants to do that with a man watching?

Ereshkigalangcleg · 20/01/2022 18:37

Since it's at work, there are unlikely to be too many groups of drunken men in there.

So you don't agree with mixed sex facilities when there are likely to be groups of drunken men? Because that was what that specific post was about.

skeletonbones · 20/01/2022 18:39

I'm off work at the moment waiting to have surgery to remove a missed miscarriage. I'd really not fancy having a miscarriage in a shared bathroom with men, the idea of it all coming away at work and soaking through my clothes then having to hide away in the ladies till I could get myself home was grim enough TBH. Miscarriages are very common so women will be having them in the work place/bars/resturants toilets and so on so this should be a consideration.
I don't feel my miscarriage should be a learning event for Bob in accounts to aquire compassion in a loo based situation either before anyone suggests it!Smile

llanfair11 · 20/01/2022 18:45

YANBU. I would not be surprised if there are actually some men who are uncomfortable and keeping quiet, not that is a help or hindrance to your dignity.

Kick up a fuss. I'd suggest also pointing out the Equalities Act 2010 as I expect many people from various faiths or cultures would never share such facilities.

HandScreen · 20/01/2022 20:06

Well that was a mountain out of a fucking molehill.

Nearly all new buildings have gender neutral toilets - i.e. self-contained rooms with sinks, in the way disabled toilets are "unisex". Calm down.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 20/01/2022 20:55

Why don't you calm down? Hmm there is no such thing as "gender neutral" it's mixed sex, and people have explained at length what their problems are, yes even with the toilet type you mention.

HandScreen · 20/01/2022 20:59

Sigh. Get a grip. You must live your life in terror!

Clymene · 20/01/2022 21:35

Calm down.
Get a grip.

My bingo card is filling up awfully quickly here. Is the prize a glass of lukewarm white wine? Feels about the right level.

LaChanticleer · 20/01/2022 21:37

Get a grip. You must live your life in terror!

Gaslighting women about a) their legal rights; and b) their legitimate concerns; and c) their actual experiences, is never a good look.

C8H10N4O2 · 20/01/2022 21:46

@skeletonbones

I'm off work at the moment waiting to have surgery to remove a missed miscarriage. I'd really not fancy having a miscarriage in a shared bathroom with men, the idea of it all coming away at work and soaking through my clothes then having to hide away in the ladies till I could get myself home was grim enough TBH. Miscarriages are very common so women will be having them in the work place/bars/resturants toilets and so on so this should be a consideration. I don't feel my miscarriage should be a learning event for Bob in accounts to aquire compassion in a loo based situation either before anyone suggests it!Smile
Quite.

Its utterly irrelevant if the cool brigade and their empathy chasm want to shit in public wearing nothing more than a smile.

There are long established fact based reasons behind the limited protections and privacy women actually have. At the moment they are still in place, whatever lobbyists try to tell us.

So anyone who wants to be stunning and brave in the men's loos - feel free. Less of a queue for me in the women's.

Thegirlwiththeeagereyes · 20/01/2022 21:57

At my workplace there are 4 self-contained unisex toilets but the women use the 2 on one side and the men use the 2 on the other side - we have naturally made them into women's and men's toilets so that might happen at your place, regardless of the sign on the door!

IloveJudgeJudy · 20/01/2022 22:14

@Grantanow the state of nearly all the French toilets that I've ever visited has been dire so I wouldn't put them up as an example 🙂

Bonnealle · 20/01/2022 22:17

How is this any different from both sexes using a disabled toilet?

LakieLady · 20/01/2022 22:24

I've worked in a building with proper self-contained unisex toilets for 15 years.

We must have exceptionally hygienic men working there. I've never found piss on the seat or on the floor, skid marks down the pan or anything untoward. The women-only toilets where I worked in my last job, otoh, frequently left a lot to be desired when it came to cleanliness.

Darbs76 · 20/01/2022 22:24

I can understand why you’re not happy, I probably wouldn’t be either. But assume each cubicle has its own sanitary bin etc so men aren’t going to know or care if you’re on a period. Also the women’s toilets in my work can be absolutely disgusting so not buying into that men are disgusting, so are the women in my team. My daughters school changed to unisex toilets and I wasn’t happy, but DD hasn’t complained since it was set up

gogohm · 20/01/2022 22:27

I've had unisex for over 10 years. It's no big deal - they are self contained

Clymene · 20/01/2022 22:40

@Darbs76

I can understand why you’re not happy, I probably wouldn’t be either. But assume each cubicle has its own sanitary bin etc so men aren’t going to know or care if you’re on a period. Also the women’s toilets in my work can be absolutely disgusting so not buying into that men are disgusting, so are the women in my team. My daughters school changed to unisex toilets and I wasn’t happy, but DD hasn’t complained since it was set up
Some of them are going to fucking love it

www.vice.com/en/article/exqndk/we-talked-to-a-guy-with-a-fetish-for-periods-876

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