To not feel comfortable using work's unisex toilets

[Whatafustercluck]

My employer is moving offices into a different building. All the toilets are unisex. Most of the men seem fine with this (those who made the decision to move there are men) while the women I've spoken with don't feel comfortable about this for various reasons, from cleanliness to embarrassment about male colleagues knowing they're on their period or whatever. I'm really not happy with this, but feel like it's expected to just get on with it and it's considered somewhat old fashioned to think/ feel this way. Aibu?

@Sickoffamilydrama

But it's not a mixed sex facility. They are individual self-contained unisex toilets, like the disabled loo is. Some of your imaginations are scary places!

Wow how dismissive of an actual experience unfortunately my imagination doesn't need any help as my real life experiences of the worst behaviour from men more than fills in the gap. In fact I wish it didn't as I look at my children and watch them go out into the world.

But it's an individual, locked room! You don't share the space with anyone else!

I think it’s a great idea.
In my last office we had a trans man and there was much debating on if they should use the mens or womens toilets, and these would have been the perfect answer.

I think if they should be self contained though I don’t really feel comfortable pooping in a cubical with anyone next door.

Transmen are women so no problem in them using the women’s. Likewise transwomen who are men should use the men’s facilities. I would be happy with that solution. Not mixed .

embarrassment about male colleagues knowing they're on their period

I change my tampon with the door closed so no one knows if I am on my period. This line of argument always puzzles me.

@MajorCarolDanvers

embarrassment about male colleagues knowing they're on their period

I change my tampon with the door closed so no one knows if I am on my period. This line of argument always puzzles me.

If not a self contained cubicle, the noisy sanitary towel bin (the ones at my work seem to make a great deal of noise). Also, women who have heavy periods sometimes will get blood on their hands and will need to wash them in a communal area. Also, some women will leak on the floor whilst changing tampons and if someone is waiting for the cubicle, they can see you bending down to wipe up the blood off the floor.

But it's an individual, locked room! You don't share the space with anyone else!

As far as the OP post that's great however you've missed my point that mixed sex facilities that aren't fully enclosed are a risk to women & children.

I realise that all the posts from perimenopausal and menopausal women on this thread have been ignored (par for the course as no bugger listens to us unless they are one) but this is not ok in any workplace that wants a menopause policy. As zll workplaces should have.

Until you have experienced flooding you have NO CLUE. I am not being coy about periods, i am not shy. What I am is a woman who can quite easily need to change trousers and rush into the loo at short notice, sort myself out and come away with a LOT of blood on my hands and clothes i've had to take off. What I don't want is a man in there to see it. Ffs, life is hard enough for older women in the workplace without blokes being able to witness menopausal stress and possibly go into the boardroom and use it against you.

Recently my friend had a massive menopausal flood when we were out. All over her, all over the seat she was sitting on.

She went to the loo to clean herself up and I was getting the worst of it out of her trousers and drying them under the dryer so she could go home in a taxi without leaving a blood trail.

How is that going to work with the fabulous unisex loos eh? She was so embarrassed she was crying. Bad enough when there are other women around but when men are too? No thank you.

@Bonnealle

How is this any different from both sexes using a disabled toilet?

Disabled men using a disabled toilet are almost always sitting down on the toilet. That means they are not pissing all over the seat, floor and sanitary bin.

Not all men have poor toilet habits, not all men will take pleasure in embarrassing, humiliating and intimidating women in shared toilets, but a significant portion of men will. Saying no to that does not equate to hating men.

Of course it is easy to hear when the woman in the next cubicle is changing her tampon or pad. And I have seen female colleagues washing clothing that they have leaked on - that would not be possible in shared facilities.

Fully enclosed rooms with some designated specifically for female staff seems like the best solution for everyone.

If not a self contained cubicle, the noisy sanitary towel bin (the ones at my work seem to make a great deal of noise). Also, women who have heavy periods sometimes will get blood on their hands and will need to wash them in a communal area. Also, some women will leak on the floor whilst changing tampons and if someone is waiting for the cubicle, they can see you bending down to wipe up the blood off the floor

I'm 47 so I have been going to the toilet for a number of years now and have never seen the place awash with blood yet.

@Sickoffamilydrama

But it's an individual, locked room! You don't share the space with anyone else!

As far as the OP post that's great however you've missed my point that mixed sex facilities that aren't fully enclosed are a risk to women & children.

Oh please.

Please they aren't a risk or please they are a risk I'm not sure what your point is hand ?

If you have one state it.

@catzwhiskas

Transmen are women so no problem in them using the women’s. Likewise transwomen who are men should use the men’s facilities. I would be happy with that solution. Not mixed .

Are you sure you can tell the difference between a transman and a cis man? If not aren't you opening up the possibility for cis men to use women's toilets by claiming to be trans?

You might be happy, but I bet they won't be, and they usually will end up using the disabled toilets which isn't an ideal solution.

Are you sure you can tell the difference between a transman and a cis man?

I think in the vast majority of cases it is obvious - same for transwomen and women tbh.

We have self contained that were changed from single sex a few years ago, the women are getting more and more pissed off with the way the men treat them.
Piss on the seats and floor, toilets not flushed, toilet rolls not changed, hand towels not replenished.
The single most annoying thing has been labelled "shit o'clock" between 10.15 and 10.45 you cannot get anywhere near a toilet because they are all having leisurely shits. Taking their time, stinking the rooms out (sometimes you can smell them upstairs) leaving skids in the pan. It is just before and after the morning break.
If everyone in your office knows your bowel habits, you're doing something wrong.
And yes, they wank in them. I've known men admit to this.
All I want is a clean, unoccupied loo! This seems impossible when they are unisex

@Immunetypegoblin

Are you sure you can tell the difference between a transman and a cis man?

I think in the vast majority of cases it is obvious - same for transwomen and women tbh.

Vast majority, but not every case? So you admit you cannot tell the difference between a transman and a cis man.

Personally I am not certain that in the vast majority of cases it is obvious.

Fgs. Transmen are female they have every right to use female facilities. If men a use that then that's on men. Nothing to do with trans men.

Of they decide to use the mens facilities there's not much we can do about that amd men can get off their arses and sort it out.

I am so sick of women so wow having to solve a the issues amd sort everything out. All the time. All so we can justify having our own space.

@Whatwouldscullydo So does a transperson remains the gender they were at birth regardless? Or does gender reassignment surgery change it? If it does how do you tell whether they have had it or not?

The world was easy when there was two genders and everyone was the gender they were born at birth. Now doesn't everyone deserve to have a space they feel safe in?

Sex. U mean sex right?

Everyone deserves to feel safe of course. How's that womens problem.to solve though.

Most violence is men om men or men on women.. tbe answer to women safety is to have spaces away from men..not be forced to mix together so we can absorb it away from sub categories of males.

@Sickoffamilydrama

Please they aren't a risk or please they are a risk I'm not sure what your point is hand ?

If you have one state it.

Of course women and children are safe using the toilet. FGS. What must your anxiety levels be life?

Perhaps you can call stonewall then hands tell them that because apparently some males aren't safe in the mens so must use the womens. If the same men can then use the facilities along side them in the firm of a mixed sex space then they clearly aren't on danger then are they. There's no meed to mix the spaces at all then as men are perfectly safe.

Awesome

@Whatwouldscullydo

Perhaps you can call stonewall then hands tell them that because apparently some males aren't safe in the mens so must use the womens. If the same men can then use the facilities along side them in the firm of a mixed sex space then they clearly aren't on danger then are they. There's no meed to mix the spaces at all then as men are perfectly safe.

Awesome

I have no interest in your vile transphobia.

I am here commenting on the moral panic around sharing an individual toilet unit between men and women, similar to a disabled toilet set-up. There's just one person in there, so I'm confused as to the panic.

Why would I be anxious about the fact the mixed sex facilities put women & girls at higher risk of sexual assaults? I'm angry that people are so busy trying to be cool that they don't stop to think about these kind of things or even worse when women tell them they do as you are doing and dismiss their concerns. Clearly women just aren't important enough I mean who cares if a few of us get hurt 🤦‍♀️

There's loads of evidence that it takes 5 minutes to Google here's some www.independent.co.uk/life-style/women/sexual-assault-unisex-changing-rooms-sunday-times-women-risk-a8519086.html

&

here www.hsj.co.uk/patient-safety/revealed-hundreds-of-sexual-assaults-each-year-on-mixed-gender-wards/7026629.article

Lots of different examples bought together here medium.com/@camradfems/there-is-nothing-progressive-about-removing-women-only-bathrooms-37729064cfb7

Unfortunately there are opportunistic predatory men out there who will use opportunities to hurt others. Mixed sex toilets or any other kind of facility where Women are in a state of undress or vulnerable give them the window of opportunity.