To not feel comfortable using work's unisex toilets

[Whatafustercluck]

My employer is moving offices into a different building. All the toilets are unisex. Most of the men seem fine with this (those who made the decision to move there are men) while the women I've spoken with don't feel comfortable about this for various reasons, from cleanliness to embarrassment about male colleagues knowing they're on their period or whatever. I'm really not happy with this, but feel like it's expected to just get on with it and it's considered somewhat old fashioned to think/ feel this way. Aibu?

My daughter's school has these and when they went in we tried to think positive and reassured her about full height doors etc, but she says the reality is a lot of the locks have been stolen and there's often piss on the seats.

The loos they replaced were grim, but a loo with no lock in a unisex space is worse than useless.

You'd hope that it won't be like that for adults but I'm so cross. What may sound ok on paper is not working in reality.

Perhaps I'm just disgusting, but I frequently get blood on my hand when sorting myself out during my period and I really wouldn't want to walk out of a stall into a shared space to wash it off. It's embarrassing enough in front of other women, but I have heavy days.

Comparing it to sharing a bathroom at home is daft, DH and DS aren't in there with me when I'm washing my hands.

wow so many men haters , just had to share with DP. He says the women in his work are always complaining about the disgusting women's toilets at work, and confirmed that he has never had a shit or a wank at work . Also niece has started a job on a building site and bosses got a portaloo with key just for her as the only female so some employers do care.

Did the OP ever come back? Without clarification as to whether these are unisex or mixed sex toilets the discussion can't move forward. As ever with women's rights language is so important.

Unisex: self contained unit (toilet, sink, dryer and sanitary bin), opens onto a public corridor.

Mixed sex: one room with multiple cubicles. Each cubicle has a sanitary bin. Sinks are shared in the room. Cubicle doors should be floor to ceiling to prevent anyone looking 7nder or over

Mixed sex are often referred to as gender neutral, but they are not neutral for the females or males that use them.

Privacy and dignity are simple things to expect when toileting.

[quote GoodieMoomin]I'm surprised no one has mentioned the potential for voyeurism.

Op don't wait and see, it'll be too late. Get in at the planning stage and find out what you're dealing with. Check the regulations for workplace standards. Lots of threads here already (try the sex and gender board). Good luck!

Hidden camera in costa loos
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-48647089[/quote]
Exactly this plus i know this sounds weird but I hate the thought that “Brian in accounts” in the cubicle next to me knows I’m pulling my pants down, it really gives me the creeps.

@3scape

The men haters having a good old go again.

I don't hate men.

I just don't wish to share a formerly single sex space space with them, especially one in which I especially value privacy and dignity - like toilets.

That doesn't mean I hate men.

Agree with Clymene that in workplaces ( and schools) women must stick together on this and protest loudly before the changes are made. Changing to “ unisex or mixed sex will never benefit women, and even in the so called single ones with wash basins women still want our own to avoid piss or worse on the seats. It is not man hating that is the problem, it is lack of empathy to women’s experiences , needs , wishes and expectations.

@8misskitty8

My daughters secondary school are doing this. Cubicles on each side of the room, male one side, female on the other with shared sinks in the middle. Nothing to stop males going into the female side and vice versa.

Parents are not happy about it but legally it is allowed to be done.

Actually that sort of layout is against regs.

@Meadowblossom

It’s not the mens fault if women are embarrassed about having periods. I think you are kind of clutching at straws and making mega assumptions about this one.

Most men don't want to cause women embarrassment and support women having their own private spaces. Many men also want private spaces of their own, not all of them are comfortable sharing with women.

@FemaleAndLearning the OP did come back and said that she'd only seen the plans which said "unisex", and they didn't give any more detail on the exact layouts to be installed.

I have been the only female on a male shop floor and one set of toilets were made unisex for me. I'd get comments from a couple of blokes about them knowing I was on my "rag week" and theatrical grunting if they were having a crap (or I suspect wanking). I'm not even the type to be embarrassed by periods or washing bloody hands, but actually I felt very vulnerable. I wouldn't want a teenage girl to feel like that, if men can be that immature then teenage boys will be worse.

We have some unisex toilets.

A single room, lock on the door, loo and basin. Simples.

[quote DdraigGoch]@FemaleAndLearning the OP did come back and said that she'd only seen the plans which said "unisex", and they didn't give any more detail on the exact layouts to be installed.[/quote]
Thanks, I must have missed it scanning through. I'm certain that "unisex" does have a specific definition in Estates and Buildings regs. Still not ideal. My preference is always single sex toilets for all the reasons others have said.

@NeedAHoliday2021

How would a man know a woman had her period? In all the years I’ve used women’s toilets I’ve never been aware a fellow user has her period (except even df shouts “oh damn, has anyone got a tampon?).

Same here. I really don't understand the "might hear the wrapper being opened" worry. Really? Out of all the noises possible? Pulling out toilet paper, shuffling around generally, coughing, flushing, opening a pack of new tights.

And even if it were heard- so what?

Are people honestly washing mooncups out in their workplace sink? I've never seen anyone do that.

I've never 'known' a female colleague was on their period from sharing a bathroom. Do you mean they'll hear the wrapper or the bin?

I honestly don't think men would notice that sound, let alone know what it meant and put it all together.

Most people are in the bathroom to use the toilet and leave, they're not paying attention to what other people are doing .

wow so many men haters

Really? Who? Have you called the individuals out on it? Thought not.

Would not be okay with this either

No need to stand at the communal sink washing a Mooncup nor do you need to come out of the cubicle with bloodied hands. It's absolutely fine not to wash the cup every single time. It's only for 1 or 2 heavy days that I need to empty my cup at work anyway: most days it easily lasts 8 hrs.

Lucky you @ffscovid I don't actually use a mooncup because on my heaviest days (which are 4-5 every month) I out bleed a mooncup in an hour or two, if I sit on the loo the blood literally pours like I'm having a wee. Flooding is awful, I'm glad you've never experienced it. It involves standing in a toilet cubicle with blood everywhere. I suppose you can just re insert a mooncup but it's very hard to avoid bloodied hands.

@Whatafustercluck

It's a goof point about the set up actually. I'd be far happier if they were all self contained with sinks in them etc. I think they're installing them shortly, so it was just explained on the floor plan as 'unisex toilets'. Maybe I should reserve judgement until I know more.

If they are in progress surely the best time to speak up is now! It will be too late once all installed.

Ask about the details, and get female colleagues to do the same.

I would HATE to use a unisex toilet!! Of course men made the decision without an iota of consideration for their female employees/colleagues!

Thanks all for your views. I'm going to see what else I can find out today about their layout and challenge it if it's as I suspect - shared facilities, not self contained.

I'm by no means a man hater either. I have a perfectly good husband and 11yo son, as well as a daughter. I asked my son what he thinks about unisex - he says he'd be horrified, having endured unisex toilets (complete with boys, and girls, peeping under doors) on a sports camp once. I am very open with them about periods, they're my family. But sharing with male colleagues is incomparable with sharing in your own home.

I am not one who would be happy for my male colleagues to sit in the cubicle next to me and hear me rustling around with sanitary products, dropping them in the disposal bin etc. I can hear it now "ooh, fustercluck is being very assertive today - mind you, she's on her period which probably explains it". The vast majority of the men I work with would not do this, but there are definitely some. And likewise, periods are messy - I too have had to wash blood from my hands/ clean up after myself.

Strange people who criticise others for man hating apparently seen ti think men are so insecure and needy they need women to prove they like them by being happy sharing private spaces where they are vulnerable with them.

Perhaps we can do badges? " then these men can walk around with their little " I'm.so safe " badges and certificates?

Or perhaps we just give everyone , men and women , the privacy safety and dignity they deserve .

@user1471453601

How would male colleagues know you were having a period?

And even if they did, for some odd reason, so what? You are all adults. If adult makes don't know that some women have periods, they are v v immature.

Do you share a loo with males at home? I personally don't (all female household), but when I did, it caused no problems. Males are quite capable of hygienic behaviour both in and out of the loo.

To make women share toilets where they can't deal with all their bodily functions in strict privacy is to humiliate them.

No man needs to know when my knickers are down, when I piss, shit or bleed. Compelling me to make those things public is a humiliation, a denigration, an abuse, a denial of my right to dignity.

Good idea to find out about the layout. For what it’s worth, I’ve worked in a couple of places with single cubicles and no restrictions on who should use them and there weren’t any problems.

I’ve also used mixed sex toilets with shared sinks and survived, but it is always an uncomfortable experience if I meet someone male at the sink and I suspect the men have also felt uncomfortable.

Hope it is sorted out. The current craze for mixed sex toilets is frustrating and presumably wil eventually go into reverse, as if we didn’t need single sex spaces, they wouldn’t have existed in the first place.