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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel comfortable using work's unisex toilets

289 replies

Whatafustercluck · 19/01/2022 20:52

My employer is moving offices into a different building. All the toilets are unisex. Most of the men seem fine with this (those who made the decision to move there are men) while the women I've spoken with don't feel comfortable about this for various reasons, from cleanliness to embarrassment about male colleagues knowing they're on their period or whatever. I'm really not happy with this, but feel like it's expected to just get on with it and it's considered somewhat old fashioned to think/ feel this way. Aibu?

OP posts:
BlaBlaSmthSmth · 19/01/2022 21:53

@wakeuphw

I don't think it would bother me. I'm always quite open about periods with anyone. This mostly means me complaint about cramps to whoever will listen.
That's fair enough, but there will be lots of women who feel very differently (for various reasons).
Santaslittlemelter · 19/01/2022 21:55

@user1471453601

How would male colleagues know you were having a period?

And even if they did, for some odd reason, so what? You are all adults. If adult makes don't know that some women have periods, they are v v immature.

Do you share a loo with males at home? I personally don't (all female household), but when I did, it caused no problems. Males are quite capable of hygienic behaviour both in and out of the loo.

I also find the freaking out around this whole topic strange. I'm not embarrassed about going to the loo or the sound of my sanitary towel opening.

Women have too long been told they need to be flowers. I'm happy to be as human as any man.

Original poster
Whatafustercluck · 19/01/2022 21:59

It's a goof point about the set up actually. I'd be far happier if they were all self contained with sinks in them etc. I think they're installing them shortly, so it was just explained on the floor plan as 'unisex toilets'. Maybe I should reserve judgement until I know more.

OP posts:
ffscovid · 19/01/2022 21:59

[quote SweetPetrichor]@pawpatrolneedaunion I don’t think washing out a moon cup is an acceptable thing to do in an all female toilet either![/quote]
Quite (and I'm a Mooncup user)!

Wash your hands before going into the cubicle. Place a few sheets of loo roll on the water in the pan and empty the cup onto the paper wad before flushing immediately (this stops the blood from sitting in the water after flushing). You can do this seated or standing. Then take more loo roll to wipe out the cup and reinsert it. Wipe your hands if necessary. Do your toilet, flush again and leave.

No need to stand at the communal sink washing a Mooncup nor do you need to come out of the cubicle with bloodied hands. It's absolutely fine not to wash the cup every single time. It's only for 1 or 2 heavy days that I need to empty my cup at work anyway: most days it easily lasts 8 hrs.

Socialcarenope · 19/01/2022 22:00

This doesn't bother me. I've had awful experiences with women only toilets!

LightSpeeds · 19/01/2022 22:02

No thanks, I'd rather not.

Many men piss all over the place and it's disgusting.

If it's separate cubicles with the sinks outside in a shared space, I wouldn't feel safe if it was just me and a bloke (or two) in there.

Ditto all the comments about period and poo embarrassment.

Jk987 · 19/01/2022 22:05

@user1471453601

How would male colleagues know you were having a period?

And even if they did, for some odd reason, so what? You are all adults. If adult makes don't know that some women have periods, they are v v immature.

Do you share a loo with males at home? I personally don't (all female household), but when I did, it caused no problems. Males are quite capable of hygienic behaviour both in and out of the loo.

Imagine a male colleague knows you're on your period and then you're in a meeting together that same afternoon? It's cringeworthy and mortifying. There are boundaries with work colleagues that are very different to family or the unknown general public.
ScribblingPixie · 19/01/2022 22:12

I wouldn't wait until you know more, OP. I'd find out from the link given above what the legal requirement is, and make sure what's happening is acceptable. Also chat to other women and ask in advance for some separate women's toilets if that's what you want. Be proactive!

KitBumbleB · 19/01/2022 22:13

This happened at my work
The women got together and banned the men from certain cubicles and the men respected it.

Floor to ceiling self contained cubicles I wouldn't mind too much but anything less and I'd be looking at legal rights

daretodenim · 19/01/2022 22:15

If they have solid walls - as in proper walls - with a self contained sink, that's acceptable for me.

If the walls are thin, like regular cubicle walls but floor to ceiling, as I've experienced previously, then no. That's very uncomfortable.

A cafe near me has a room with two self-contained toilets with sinks and hand driers (& proper walls!). One toilet is women, the other is men & women. In the communal space is a baby changing table, also with a sink (big enough to put dirty baby clothes in!). This to me is a good way ahead.

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/01/2022 22:18

If they are full floor to ceiling stalls I wouldn’t mind.

BUT i’d assume a lot of people would - I’d be asking around, and going to management to insist there is a segregated option.

RestedDevelopment · 19/01/2022 22:19

I’ve cleaned bathrooms as a job before, and a much older female friend did as well, we’re both of the opinion that men’s toilets are disgusting and that alone is enough to never want to share toilets with them.

Both of us have been assaulted by men too and that is the clincher. Because both of us suffered the worst assaults by men we already knew.

Every woman and girl needs and deserves space completely away from all men especially when we are vulnerable due to having to remove any clothing

I simply could not work in any building that did not have female only bathrooms, full stop.

And frankly, anyone that thinks/thought that I was being ‘precious’ could fuck off to the far side of fuck until they too had been raped and were therefore forced to understand why.

Any decent human being wouldn’t need to have experienced rape or assault to understand why females need single sex spaces so refusing/denying such spaces to women would tell me all I needed to know about their shitty, misogynistic character.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 19/01/2022 22:20

How would a man know a woman had her period? In all the years I’ve used women’s toilets I’ve never been aware a fellow user has her period (except even df shouts “oh damn, has anyone got a tampon?).

Frollop · 19/01/2022 22:21

Some shopping areas have unisex toilets. I wouldn't feel comfortable using them late in the evening if it was quiet.

spidersenses · 19/01/2022 22:21

My last place the toilets were totally self contained but unisex. There were the most disgusting toilets I have ever used. Stinking and sh*t often on the actual seats at the back. It was vile. Management said we had no proof it wasn't women causing the mess, but I do find it unlikely. Have never seen or smelt toilets like it.

Mariposista · 19/01/2022 22:27

I would hate this. I guess if the toilets are individual rooms with sinks in rather than a shared block, it's not as bad but I would still prefer an all-female facility. I'm sure you won't be the only lady feeling this way so you need to make your voices heard - chances are the men who thought this through just don't get how uncomfortable this is.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/01/2022 22:37

[quote SweetPetrichor]@pawpatrolneedaunion I don’t think washing out a moon cup is an acceptable thing to do in an all female toilet either![/quote]
What on earth do you consider to be the 'acceptable' alternative to this if it needs changing?!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/01/2022 22:39

Do you share a loo with males at home? I personally don't (all female household), but when I did, it caused no problems.

I happily walk around naked in front of a 'male at home' because he's my partner who I have chosen to live with and be in a relationship with.

What relevance does me being comfortable with that in my own home have to a discussion about sharing intimate / traditionally single sex spaces with men in general?

tectonicplates · 19/01/2022 22:40

@Whatafustercluck

It's a goof point about the set up actually. I'd be far happier if they were all self contained with sinks in them etc. I think they're installing them shortly, so it was just explained on the floor plan as 'unisex toilets'. Maybe I should reserve judgement until I know more.
Actually I think you should speak up sooner rather than later, in case any changes could be made. It might be more difficult once it's all been installed.
echt · 19/01/2022 22:40

At my last school, there are some unisex toilets, but they are a single lavatory.

When the real deal was proposed, i.e. several unisex cubicles, in the one room, the men were as vocal as the women in opposing it. All felt uncomfortable sharing facilities with the opposite sex, encountering them in such personal space. Now I think of it, one man said openly: I don't want to meet a woman in a shared toilet space when I've just done a smelly shit. The idea did not go through.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/01/2022 22:41

@ffscovid

It's only for 1 or 2 heavy days that I need to empty my cup at work anyway: most days it easily lasts 8 hrs.

And that's great for you. Many other women have heavier periods that make those days each month very different. You also can't always know a flood is going to happen, so can't necessarily prep for it in the way you're suggesting, not every time.

ExtraOnion · 19/01/2022 22:42

We have gender neutral toilets at work .. I much prefer them to a regular set up. They are self contained - toilet, sink, dryer, nice big mirrors, lots of space. Much more private.
Never had any issues with cleanliness, they are cleaned regularly .. and I with with people who know how to use the bathroom.

Campervan69 · 19/01/2022 22:42

Gross. Hate having unisex toilets. Worst bit about work for me was the toilet situation. We had one bloke who must did the smelliest poo every morning. Stank the place out.

So happy to be working from home for toilet reasons alone.

tectonicplates · 19/01/2022 22:44

@Ionlydomassiveones

YANBU - my DH works in a male dominated industry and they have unisex toilets. He says he feels sorry for the women because men are ‘pigs’ - they piss on the floor, grunt loudly when they shit and he suspects some of them have a wank (he’s heard porn on phones). There are some single sex cubicles in an older part of the building and people still walk further and seek them out. I know most women hate even having a poo in the same vicinity as anyone, let alone male colleagues but like the pp said, it’s only women who suffer and seemingly they don’t matter.
This, right here, is why I don't want to share loos with men. I'm not embarrassed about being on my period, but I'm sure there's more men than we realise who do so in the work loos, even if it's just to relieve stress or something. I would not feel safe at all. And as someone else mentioned above, we have to remove/pull down our clothing in order to use the loo.
Usernameucreate · 19/01/2022 22:44

I hate unisex. Was at a busy conference, and as I exited a cubicle a man was pushing to come in. I felt violated. Maybe that is a bit too strong, but it was along those lines.