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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with OH & BIL sickly relationship

133 replies

isitjustthehormones · 19/01/2022 14:44

I have done a thread about BIL before but here I am again giving him too much thought.

I don't know how to explain it I just find him terribly annoying and him & OH together is my idea of hell.

He rings OH soon as he finishes work then they will talk the whole entire drive back. Constantly texting and sending each other videos. They talk about crap aswell. If I ever try and have an opinion on something BIL will just right it off and tell me that I am wrong. OH won't say anything to him then the atmosphere after that is just awkward.

To top it off he has just moved 5 minutes round the corner from us so I am now obliged to have dinner with him 2 times a week because they organised a "cook off".

I've just had enough I feel like I'm in a relationship with both of them!

AIBU? I'm not that close with my siblings so I don't know if it's just me but I just find the whole situation suffocating.

OP posts:
TheOccupier · 19/01/2022 14:50

It does sound quite intense. Are they twins?

Original poster
isitjustthehormones · 19/01/2022 14:53

Nope not twins! BIL is early twenties and OH is early thirties.

OP posts:
TheOccupier · 19/01/2022 14:57

Oh wow so they aren't even close in age? Interesting. What was their upbringing like? I think I'd leave them to it and find an evening activity to take yourself out to on cook-off nights.

girlmom21 · 19/01/2022 15:07

Why is them talking to each other on the way home an issue? Surely it doesn't impact?

Can you compromise on him coming round 1 night a week and OH not being on his phone when you're spending time together?

HippoRaine · 19/01/2022 15:16

Weird that you describe their close relationship as "sickly". I can't see anything wrong with it at all

gobbledygoook · 19/01/2022 15:20

To be honest it sounds like a lovely relationship! When I met my DH, the relationship he had with his brother was similar and I really liked it. However when BIL got a new partner, that stopped. Now they only see each other very infrequently, it's really sad.

I'd let them have their relationship and be as close as they want to be - the only thing I'd perhaps push on is having meals at yours twice a week, but is this every single week? Surely its no harm to you if they chat on their way home / message / send videos / chat about rubbish?

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 19/01/2022 15:23

Do you have to go to the cook off's?

Original poster
isitjustthehormones · 19/01/2022 15:24

@girlmom21 I pick OH up from work everyday before he even gets in the car he's on the phone to his brother it's annoying I don't see why the need to speak all the time.

As I said I'm not close to my siblings so maybe I'm just weird but I find it to be too much. It's got even more intense since he has moved to be closer to OH.

OP posts:
3scape · 19/01/2022 15:24

Waaaaaay too close, adult friends don't need each other that often. Surely this cooking should at least be at one house then the other? Also you definitely ought to book a regular thing on those days. That's your time right there. Let them "bond". But I'd be trying to work out why they were so clingy/ needy

Blueberryflavour · 19/01/2022 15:28

Can’t the “cook off” be once a week at yours and then once a week at BIL’s so that at least you don’t have him over twice every week. Also don’t wait arround for your OH to pay attention to you make plans with friends or work colleagues or family, do some volunteering, join a hobby group, sign up for an online course or anything really, I’m sure if you were busy yourself you wouldn’t be so focussed on what your OH is doing with his brother.

girlmom21 · 19/01/2022 15:29

Oh if you're running him around tell him you're not a taxi driver and if he wants picking up he can do you the courtesy of actually talking to you...

phishy · 19/01/2022 15:29

YANBU, this is too much.

  • Tell OH that it's rude to talk on the phone to someone else when you're giving him a lift. He can call his brother when he gets out of your car or you will stop the lists
  • tell him you will not be having dinner with BIL anymore, or once every 2 weeks. OH can go by himself
  • Next time BIL dismisses your opinion, stand your ground and make your case. Why are you letting this pratt silence you?

And finally, why can't your OH get a bus home?

BashStreetKid · 19/01/2022 15:30

To top it off he has just moved 5 minutes round the corner from us so I am now obliged to have dinner with him 2 times a week because they organised a "cook off".

Great opportunity to organise a couple of nights out for yourself.

phishy · 19/01/2022 15:30

And OH can BIL to drop him home from now on.

Original poster
isitjustthehormones · 19/01/2022 15:30

Well OH cooks for BIL one night a week or should I say (me) then we have dinner at BIL one of the other nights.

Our life is so busy aswell we have two DC's and I'm 30 weeks pregnant their is a lot of other things going on that he could be helping with than just talking to hid brother.

@Blueberryflavour I'm on mat leave maybe that's why it's winding me up more because I've got a lot of time.

OP posts:
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 19/01/2022 15:32

Stop cooking for them. Go out. Organise something.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/01/2022 15:32

@girlmom21

Oh if you're running him around tell him you're not a taxi driver and if he wants picking up he can do you the courtesy of actually talking to you...
Exactly. How incredibly rude. I can't believe you tolerate this bullshit. Are you the skivvy?
phishy · 19/01/2022 15:33

Why are you cooking for someone who treats you like the little woman who shouldn't have opinions?

They both sound like prats. Why doesn't OH drive? You'll have 3 kids soon!

HollowTalk · 19/01/2022 15:34

He's treating you like a taxi driver, isn't he? That's really rude of him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/01/2022 15:35

If he wasn't his brother this would be a hugely damaging emotional affair. You need boundaries. Which will be hard (possibly impossible) because they're decades in and you're knee deep in children.

Try, "when you talk to DB all the way home I feel sad because I'd like to be able to talk about our days, we're in a relationship. Could you talk then hang up when you get in the car with me? I'd be able to relax more". In your own (less SWy words!).

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/01/2022 15:36

Oh and don't cook. It's not a 'cook off' if you're doing it.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 19/01/2022 15:37

Stop giving him lifts and stop cooking for these dinners. If it's a 'cook off' between the two of them, your partner should do the cooking! Tell him to get his brother to pick him up from work then they can just talk face to face in the car!

Original poster
isitjustthehormones · 19/01/2022 15:39

OH can drive but because I do school runs and everything else in between I keep the car. However I still feel he should have a chat with me when he finishes not with his brother.

OP posts:
Zara2008 · 19/01/2022 15:39

Has his brother got a wife/girlfriend or any dc?

I'm thinking this might change when he has his own family.

It's nice that they're close but it does sound a bit much. Particularly annoying that the bil is rude to you.

BashStreetKid · 19/01/2022 15:46

@isitjustthehormones

OH can drive but because I do school runs and everything else in between I keep the car. However I still feel he should have a chat with me when he finishes not with his brother.
Tell him that. And if he dares to start phoning his brother, or responding to calls from him, when you're driving him, stop the car and tell him either he turns off the phone or gets out of the car.