To be fed up with OH & BIL sickly relationship

[isitjustthehormones]

I have done a thread about BIL before but here I am again giving him too much thought.

I don't know how to explain it I just find him terribly annoying and him & OH together is my idea of hell.

He rings OH soon as he finishes work then they will talk the whole entire drive back. Constantly texting and sending each other videos. They talk about crap aswell. If I ever try and have an opinion on something BIL will just right it off and tell me that I am wrong. OH won't say anything to him then the atmosphere after that is just awkward.

To top it off he has just moved 5 minutes round the corner from us so I am now obliged to have dinner with him 2 times a week because they organised a "cook off".

I've just had enough I feel like I'm in a relationship with both of them!

AIBU? I'm not that close with my siblings so I don't know if it's just me but I just find the whole situation suffocating.

I think it’s lovely. It is. For the person who uses it to get out of conversing with their wife; to avoid doing things with his kids; to carry on like a not quite matured boy. It must be bliss. How easy his life must be.

Invite your brother rond, challenge him to a cook off - and then leave the little woman to do the cooking? Yay! So very easy.

But for the wife and kids who come second to constact telephone exchanges? Not so nice at all!

I'd be offended if someone got in the car and didn't chat to me. Tell him to choose- a lift, or he can talk to his bother as he walks.
His brother can come every other week as it's becoming too onerous, or dh can take a turn to bloody cook.
He needs to prioritise you and the dc

I don't think it's at all 'sickly' I thought you were going to describe something like the way my BIL and SIL behave together (their relationship seems to work off the 'my fragile little wife' and 'big strong husband, pwotect me fwom the howwors of the world' she holds his hand while they are eating at family meals and he calls her ''oneybunny' in a fake French accent. They are both in their 50s and have been married long enough to have two university-aged children.)

But as pps have said, the issue is that your OH's behaviour is rude. Let him do his own cooking and driving if he can't be civil.

I do also find someone who is literally incapable of the simplest action without being with or on the phone to someone else more than a bit pathetic. Like those women who always go into toilet in pairs in pubs.

@CuriousaboutSamphire

I think it’s lovely. It is. For the person who uses it to get out of conversing with their wife; to avoid doing things with his kids; to carry on like a not quite matured boy. It must be bliss. How easy his life must be.

Invite your brother rond, challenge him to a cook off - and then leave the little woman to do the cooking? Yay! So very easy.

But for the wife and kids who come second to constact telephone exchanges? Not so nice at all!

He talks while in the car. She can refuse to collect him. His brother visits for dinner once a week. That’s the extent of it. It’s all very dramatic and a little controlling.

If this was a man wanting his wife to stop contact with her sister, I’d be furious.

Stop cooking for them and running him home. Beyond that there is nothing wrong with this, and it's certainly not "sickly".

He's aloways texting, exchanging videos, not helping with the kids....

Lots more being ignored because his primary communications are with his DB.

He is rude. And yes, OP can and should choose to stop servicing him.

And can we leave the controlling bollocks off? OP is feeling ignored. Sidelined. Wanting to stop feeeling that way when someone is actually ignoring you, sidelining you, isn't controlling.

And why would you be furious if you read something like that? It isn't happening to you, doesn't affect you. Is just someone asking for some perspective!

Bloody hell I try not to have phone conversations in actual taxis because I think it’s quite rude to the driver!!

He is treating you like shit. You need to tell him in words of own syllable that you will not tolerate him talking to his brother on the phone while you drive him. Be very, very clear.

Him talking to his brother the whole drive home when you collect him is pretty rude if it happens every time. I don't think them being close and messaging a lot or eating dinner twice a week would bother me too much though

I'm not controlling at all, his brother comes on all our holidays was even trying to get in on our honeymoon last month. Came shopping with us for our house. Everything we do involves him! I want a break from him for a bit! I'm dreading it when the baby is here. OH is always popping off to his whenever he gets the chance and will make up any kind of excuse.

He dropped covid tests off for BIL yesterday because he thought he had covid. OH sat round there for a good 2 hours before they did the test turns out BIL was positive. Everything they do just irritates me.

As for the PP insinuating that a daily phone call to his brother is equivalent to an emotional affair HAHAHA

And if that's what I'd said, the maniacal laughter might be appropriate. It wasn't though.

@CuriousaboutSamphire

He's aloways texting, exchanging videos, not helping with the kids....

Lots more being ignored because his primary communications are with his DB.

He is rude. And yes, OP can and should choose to stop servicing him.

And can we leave the controlling bollocks off? OP is feeling ignored. Sidelined. Wanting to stop feeeling that way when someone is actually ignoring you, sidelining you, isn't controlling.

And why would you be furious if you read something like that? It isn't happening to you, doesn't affect you. Is just someone asking for some perspective!

I would be furious if a woman told me her husband was trying to limit her contact with her sister. I would consider it to be controlling.

@Roselilly36

My DS’ are really close friends as well as brothers, they are 20 and nearly 19. Neither of them would let a GF come between them, particularly my younger son, the first person he wants to see in the morning is his brother. I really wish I had that sort of closeness to a sibling.

Wow, you really would be the MIL from hell, I can just imagine how you’d treat their girlfriends if you see the idea of having one as something to “come between them”.

Quite apart from the fact that you are enabling a 19 and 20 year-old to live at home. And how can you possibly know what a 19 year-old’s first thoughts are in the morning?

He can’t organise a ‘cook off’ where it’s you that has to cook.

Tell him it stops or he cooks.

I would also say it’s really rude to talk to his brother all the journey home whilst you’re collecting him. I would ask him not to do that because it’s really disrespectful and annoying to you. He can ring his brother for a chat on his lunch hour or after the kids have gone to bed.

I’m amazed you are suddenly so pissed off now when you’re about to have a third child with this man? Have you always been pissed off about this or has it only just started?

I would be furious if a woman told me her husband was trying to limit her contact with her sister. I would consider it to be controlling.

I don't get it. Being furious in that situation helps nobody. It just adds to, heigtens the emotional upset.

Not the best way to be a friend.

I would be furious if a woman told me her husband was trying to limit her contact with her sister. I would consider it to be controlling.

Including trying to come on their honeymoon?

@CuriousaboutSamphire

I would be furious if a woman told me her husband was trying to limit her contact with her sister. I would consider it to be controlling.

I don't get it. Being furious in that situation helps nobody. It just adds to, heigtens the emotional upset.

Not the best way to be a friend.

Well, I’m open to taking @CuriousaboutSamphire masterclasses on how to be a best friend. Obviously it doesn’t involve having emotional reactions.

@MrsTerryPratchett

I would be furious if a woman told me her husband was trying to limit her contact with her sister. I would consider it to be controlling.

Including trying to come on their honeymoon?

Drip feed added after people said a daily phone call and weekly dinner didn’t constitute as “sickly”

@Howshouldibehave Not always their has been a few situations before where I have felt BIL has belittled me and OH hasn't stuck up for me. But i think it's just intensified because he's moved closer to us.

Well, I’m open to taking @CuriousaboutSamphire masterclasses on how to be a best friend. Obviously it doesn’t involve having emotional reactions. Oh stop it.

Having empathy and being furious aren't the same thing.

And 'drip feeding' is one of those perculiar MN things. It doesn't really matter, you just arepsond to what you read and amend your opinion as you go. Just like any real life conversation.

@isitjustthehormones

I'm not controlling at all, his brother comes on all our holidays was even trying to get in on our honeymoon last month. Came shopping with us for our house. Everything we do involves him! I want a break from him for a bit! I'm dreading it when the baby is here. OH is always popping off to his whenever he gets the chance and will make up any kind of excuse.

He dropped covid tests off for BIL yesterday because he thought he had covid. OH sat round there for a good 2 hours before they did the test turns out BIL was positive. Everything they do just irritates me.

How did you manage to date your boyfriend solo, see enough of him by himself to fall for him and move in together, let alone get pregnant by him? Does he run literally everything by his brother?

I don't blame you for being irritated I mean, he sounds barely functional by himself, and deeply juvenile but wasn't it always like this? Why would you agree to a brother coming on all your holidays?

@HaveringWavering. 😂 I will be an awesome MIL, I have learnt from the best.

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Well, I’m open to taking @CuriousaboutSamphire masterclasses on how to be a best friend. Obviously it doesn’t involve having emotional reactions. Oh stop it.

Having empathy and being furious aren't the same thing.

And 'drip feeding' is one of those perculiar MN things. It doesn't really matter, you just arepsond to what you read and amend your opinion as you go. Just like any real life conversation.

You sure do like moderating people’s reactions, don’t you?

I would consider myself to be very close to my sister but this is next level and seems very cloying and excluding of you. It's like his primary emotional relationship is with his brother. I would not be cool with it.

Did your husband come home after the brothers positive test?

Also, haven't you ever just exploded and said 'Your brother irritates the living shit out of me, and I find your need for constant contact babyish, co-dependent and unattractive'?