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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with OH & BIL sickly relationship

133 replies

isitjustthehormones · 19/01/2022 14:44

I have done a thread about BIL before but here I am again giving him too much thought.

I don't know how to explain it I just find him terribly annoying and him & OH together is my idea of hell.

He rings OH soon as he finishes work then they will talk the whole entire drive back. Constantly texting and sending each other videos. They talk about crap aswell. If I ever try and have an opinion on something BIL will just right it off and tell me that I am wrong. OH won't say anything to him then the atmosphere after that is just awkward.

To top it off he has just moved 5 minutes round the corner from us so I am now obliged to have dinner with him 2 times a week because they organised a "cook off".

I've just had enough I feel like I'm in a relationship with both of them!

AIBU? I'm not that close with my siblings so I don't know if it's just me but I just find the whole situation suffocating.

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 19/01/2022 19:04

If push comes to shove and you give him an ultimatum, what will be his choice?

Are you sure it will be you?

If my husband tried to make me choose between him and my siblings I definitely know who I’d choose.

Original poster
isitjustthehormones · 19/01/2022 19:08

I don't know if I can give him an ultimatum if that's what he enjoys doing, speaking to his brother and seeing him all the time.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 19/01/2022 19:09

@WonderfulYou

Oh if you're running him around tell him you're not a taxi driver and if he wants picking up he can do you the courtesy of actually talking to you...

They only have one car though.
The reason OP picks him up is so she can use the car during the day.

That doesn't mean he gets to ignore her on the journey. That's the issue. Not her picking him up.
girlmom21 · 19/01/2022 19:09

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

You won't be able to pick him up once you have the baby, so how will he get home then?
Does having a baby mean we're not allowed to drive? Shit I've been doing it wrong...
Roominmyhouse · 19/01/2022 19:31

It’s nice when siblings are close but this sounds over the top. No siblings should be that involved in each other’s lives as adults.

oviraptor21 · 19/01/2022 20:07

Does having a baby mean we're not allowed to drive? Shit I've been doing it wrong.

No. It just means there are other priorities. She shouldn't be expected to drop everything at s busy time if day with a tiddler and new baby, to pick up her DH.

WonderfulYou · 19/01/2022 20:18

No. It just means there are other priorities. She shouldn't be expected to drop everything at s busy time if day with a tiddler and new baby, to pick up her DH.

If she can’t pick him up then DH will have to take the car so OP won’t be able to use it during the day.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/01/2022 20:27

@WonderfulYou

No. It just means there are other priorities. She shouldn't be expected to drop everything at s busy time if day with a tiddler and new baby, to pick up her DH.

If she can’t pick him up then DH will have to take the car so OP won’t be able to use it during the day.

It's possible there is a bus or tube or train. Tram, bike, walk, scoot, car share or e-bike...
Luredbyapomegranate · 19/01/2022 20:31

Don’t go round to BIL - you have 2 kids and you’re pregnant.

Absolutely tell your husband he needs to talk to you when you are in the car.

Assuming your husband stops calling in the car, then be polite but don’t engage when the BIL comes round.

You can’t stop their relationship but you can maintain your boundaries.

Hankunamatata · 19/01/2022 20:34

I ring my best friend every night on drive home. We meet up at least twice a week. I'd be annoyed if my husband had a problem with it.

theleafandnotthetree · 19/01/2022 20:37

@Nocutenamesleft

Oh. It’s nice when siblings are this close

I’m this close to my mum. I speak every single car journey. My husband doesn’t have a problem with it.

Well he is clearly a very patient/tolerant man or knows when he's beat. I would hazard a guess that most people would absolutely have a problem with it. And the OP does, quite understandably in my view.
Original poster
isitjustthehormones · 19/01/2022 20:58

@Hankunamatata that's nice but it's a bit different when I'm picking him up I could understand if he was driving home on his own but he's not.

OP posts:
Original poster
isitjustthehormones · 19/01/2022 21:02

Well we've just had a big argument about everything he seems to think it's all in my
Head because I'm pregnant and I'm a "psycho" I've had to come lie down because I started to feel tightenings! He will quite happily go back and fourth with me all night.

I feel like he's completely changed since his brother has moved here, he's now saying he will go stay with his brother when he's covid free.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 19/01/2022 21:05

I guess you aren’t picking him up from work next time then are you? That is really rude of him.

theleafandnotthetree · 19/01/2022 21:19

@isitjustthehormones

Well we've just had a big argument about everything he seems to think it's all in my Head because I'm pregnant and I'm a "psycho" I've had to come lie down because I started to feel tightenings! He will quite happily go back and fourth with me all night.

I feel like he's completely changed since his brother has moved here, he's now saying he will go stay with his brother when he's covid free.

OP I feel really terrible for you and to honest your husband sounds a bit of a prick. Or at least he has been this evening. Calling you a psycho? Blaming your hormones? It's like the bloody script people talk about when people are accused of affairs. I have no great words of wisdom to offer but wanted to give your hand a virtual squeeze. You sound great, what the fuck is wrong with him?
CloudPop · 19/01/2022 21:22

@Nocutenamesleft

Oh. It’s nice when siblings are this close

I’m this close to my mum. I speak every single car journey. My husband doesn’t have a problem with it.

So your husband picks you up at work, you're already on the phone to your mother and continue to speak to her for the duration of the journey?
Cherrysoup · 19/01/2022 21:26

Im sorry, OP, your DH is an idiot and you’ve been a doormat. (Sorry to victim blame!) How did he get to come on honeymoon/shop for your house? I’d have told him to sod off. Being on the phone when you’re picked up strikes me as incredibly rude! Do you even get an acknowledgment??

BoredZelda · 19/01/2022 23:48

My brothers wife whinged that I was too close to him. Didn’t even like me calling him “my brother” which was a force of habit for me. She constantly made trouble between us and kept trotting out the “I don’t have a close family” line as an excuse too.

They’re divorced now.

Irony is, I don’t even like my brother that much. I only spent time with him because I moved to the area he lived in (not because of him) and I didn’t know anyone and my mum and dad had said he had to make sure I was OK so he invited me over and on nights out and stuff. I went to his place because I supposed I should get to know his wife, and I went on nights out because I fancied one of his mates. Anyway, he really didn’t like the way she tried to manipulate him about his close family ties (not just with me) it and it was definitely a part of why they split.

HaveringWavering · 20/01/2022 10:03

@Whitecushion

Beside the point of the thread but I dont think an 18 year old and 20 year old living at home it at all unusual, Havering Wavering. Thats not enabling, its normal!
Normal to be at home at 20 if you are not interested in university or otherwise broadening your horizons, I guess.
girlmom21 · 20/01/2022 10:42

Let him go and stay with his brother. His brother can pick him up from work.

At least you know where his priorities lie.

BoredZelda · 20/01/2022 11:27

Normal to be at home at 20 if you are not interested in university or otherwise broadening your horizons, I guess.

Or if you can’t afford the ridiculous house prices to move out. My 21 year old nephew works as an apprentice landscape gardener and can’t afford to rent somewhere in his home town. Because of the demographic of the area, flat shares are non existent and his only choice is to move 30 miles away to a shitty flat share property and add a daily commute of a couple of hours to his day. Can’t see what purpose that serves.

User2638483 · 20/01/2022 11:28

Aw sounds quite sweet the brothers are so close.
But get that it’s a bit annoying for you 😂

AryaStarkWolf · 20/01/2022 11:35

@isitjustthehormones

Well we've just had a big argument about everything he seems to think it's all in my Head because I'm pregnant and I'm a "psycho" I've had to come lie down because I started to feel tightenings! He will quite happily go back and fourth with me all night.

I feel like he's completely changed since his brother has moved here, he's now saying he will go stay with his brother when he's covid free.

Wouldn't that be nice for him, go off to play with his brother and leave his heavily pregnant wife take care of his kids
theleafandnotthetree · 20/01/2022 11:37

@User2638483

Aw sounds quite sweet the brothers are so close. But get that it’s a bit annoying for you 😂
Talk about tone deaf....do you also think it sweet that he wanted to come on honeymoon with them and that OP' husband called her a psycho for raising her concerns?
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 20/01/2022 11:37

I talk to my twin sister on the way home too. DH very early on told me off for doing it in the car when he was driving, and my sister's DH told her off for walking along with him while talking to me on the phone. Blush But we don't do anything like the meals thing or call each other from our honeymoons/holidays or go on holiday together. When we started lockdown DH was shocked at how often I was on the phone to Dsis - he hadn't realised because I usually walked part of the way home and chatted then!