AIBU about reaction to gift?

[giftAIBU]

Name changed because it's outing and I don't need my family finding my main account!

For Christmas, I commissioned an artist to do a stylised portrait of my sibling's beloved pet. I knew it was a bit of a risky gift but they are very tough to buy for as they're quite well off and really have everything they need, and I figured that even if they hated the actual picture, they would appreciate the thought that went in to it, and because we don't live near each other they could hide it in a cupboard for most of the year if needs be!

I put a lot of time and effort into it, going back and forth with the artist to get it right, and while it wasn't excessively expensive, it wasn't cheap either.

Anyway, Christmas came and went and I didn't hear anything from my sibling, but that's not massively unusual so I didn't think anything of it. I then came to stay with my Mum and found the picture lying on the side in her house. I remarked that sibling hadn't taken it home, and she said (very defensively) "[Sibling] doesn't think it's very good so wanted to talk to you about it". I was a bit aghast and my mum added that my sibling was "worried" that I had been ripped off and that's why they wanted to speak to me.

In my eyes, this is rude beyond belief - it's clearly a gift that a lot of thought has gone in to, and in my opinion if you get a gift you don't like, you smile and say thank you anyway. Also I don't think it's the receiver's place to worry about whether or not a gift is worth what the giver paid for it.

For my sibling, I'm guessing that it's just good sense to reject the gift considering they don't like it - I'm assuming they think I would be able to get a refund (although of course I can't because it's personalised and I approved it before it was sent out!).

I feel incredibly hurt by both my sibling's actions and my mum's vehement defence of them. We were brought up to always be grateful for gifts, regardless of whether or not we actually liked them, and I can't help but feel if this were the other way around, my mum would be horrified with me.

For background:

• I lost my spouse last year so it was something of an effort to get Christmas presents sorted
• Mum, sibling and I have quite a difficult dynamic - sibling is the golden child, regardless of behaviour, and my mum will always take their side, so I am no doubt oversensitive when it happens
• Sibling didn't get me - or my child, their only nephew - anything for Christmas, but they would say this was deliberate so we could choose something when we next saw them

So I guess my question is - AIBU to be hurt?

Oh OP, you’re purring so much love and thought into a pair of pricks quite frankly. I’d take a massive step back, stop all thoughtful gifts and focus on the people in your life who out as much into relationships as you.

Artwork is super risky
Depending on size I would not have given art even though I think it was a lovely painting
Do no let on how much it cost IF sibling gives it back take it back with out fuss or emotion sell on eBay ( someone will live it ) and agree going forward no more gifts ever ! But get that agreement!
Get therapy for your family dynamics
Sorry for your loss they should have been giving you super thoughtful gifts this year , they are a shower of shites

@giftAIBU

Thank you *@billy1996*. My friends would say the same, and encourage me to distance myself from them. I know I'm continually seeking their approval which I rarely get. It was a lot easier to maintain a distance when my husband was alive, but I feel a lot more "alone" now so it's hard to do. Plus they have genuinely been a wonderful support in the wake of his death, and are great parents and grandparents in many ways.

Op, obviously I don't know your financial circumstances but could it be that (despite the rudeness of not just saying thank you and then putting in a cupboard if it wasn't to their taste) your sibling/parent is concerned that due to your bereavement you might be spending money you could better use?

I may be wide of the mark here, but it was just a thought.

I wouldn't sit around waiting for him to contact you!
"Hi, I gather my Christmas gift wasn't to your taste. No problem, it was a bit of a gamble. I know you said you wanted to get DS something, so maybe we can arrange to get together to do that. Don't worry about a gift for me, it's probably the right time to stop exchanging gifts, and just buy for Mum for next year. Xx"

Your sister wasn't rude because she didn't even say anything to you - your mum tried to give you the information, maybe not as delicately as you would have liked, A pet portrait is incredibly personal and she probably feels really awkward about not liking it - in hindsight, it would have been better to ask her beforehand and then she could have chosen the painter. But what's done is done so my advice would be let it go. Your hurt reflects the family dynamics you've described and that must be hard for you.

@Fatgalslim

I wouldn't be hurt as I didn't paint it, but they could've been a little more tactful or told you exactly why they didn't like it.

If I don't like a gift I would tell the giver why and I'd expect others to do the same, what's the point in keeping something you don't like?

Why the fuck would you give negative feedback on a non returnable present?

Strewth. I wish we could return to Little House on the Prairie-style Christmas receiving/giving and be grateful for presents - or at least gracious .

So many people seem to think it’s perfectly acceptable - nay - laudable to be blunt and talk about things being “not to my taste”. Ugh! Taste, indeed.

I do agree that the dm sticking herself in the middle and being defender of the dsis is beyond annoying. I had decades’ worth of dm creeping up to me and relaying that certain presents to dsis were not up to par (when I had put on an Oscar-winning performance of being grateful for the previous year’s sale gift set from Superdrug….).

Bath salts next Christmas so!

I love the picture

I'm honestly hurt on your behalf

It's really not ok for them to question your judgement and incredibly patronising to say you might 'have been ripped off' - honestly it's all terrible

No one should ever question a personalised gift