For not wanting to work full time?

[Wazza89]

DH and I are both shockingly bad at money management.

We both work and receive UC. I work 2 hours a week cleaning and DH works full time. I get around £700 a month (UC and child benefit is paid into my bank account) and DH earns just over £1400. He pays rent (£595), BT, and TV license. I (somehow) pay water rates, food, council tax, gas & electricity - on top of personal bills.

Between the both of us, we are in so much debt! I inherited a car a few months ago and DH has a finance car on hire purchase (costs £118 a month) but he never wanted to put me on the insurance. He’s now able to return his car so I told him I would make him a registered keeper on my car and the main insurer as it would be cheaper for both of us. He agreed then changed his mind because he said he’s worked too hard for his car. He also has Adobe Photoshop on subscription, a PC on finance, and buys food at work every day. (I tried making him sandwiches but then he wanted to give up bread so I told him to sort himself out as I’m not buying gluten free bread for someone who isn’t a diagnosed celiac.) Our family had to step in and lend him cash for his MOT a few months ago. And he’s completely in his 2k overdraft.

Saying that, I’m not much better nowadays. I don’t have many friends with kids DS’s age so I take him to soft play sometimes twice a week. Obviously there’s an entry fee and I normally end up buying myself a coffee on top of that. Although I drive to my mum’s and to the supermarket, I get ridiculously anxious about driving new places (or places that are really busy) so I pay for public transport even though I have fuel in my car. I also give DH fuel money on weekends as he’s a crap passenger.

I tell myself I’m going to be more organised and bring snacks for DS when we go places, but I’m scatty and end up buying food out half the time. Our TV broke and instead of keeping a smaller screen until we were in a better financial situation, I replaced it. I also bought an air fryer with the last of my savings (which, in hindsight, I didn’t need). I dye my hair regularly and if I see an item of clothing I like, I buy it then regret it later as my wardrobe desperately needs sorting.

DH thinks I should work more hours on evenings and weekends (neither of us can afford childcare), but the thought really stresses me out (and I know that sounds pathetic). The last time I worked weekends (16 hours a week), I wasn’t significantly better off as all my debt repayments increased and I was STILL doing everything around the house. A messy house really stresses me out as I have OCD (and potentially ADHD which is why I find organisation difficult). I don’t want to work full time until DS is in reception. Also, DS is displaying ASD traits and is socially a bit delayed. I want to give him my full attention.

AIBU for not wanting to return to work?

Cleaning is the ideal role for working a couple of hours a day. Our cleaner comes for 2 hours at a time. Do you work with an agency?

Sounds like your child is preschool age at the moment but presumably UC doesn’t continue to support you working 2 hours a week once they’re school age and older? So wouldn’t it be better to increase your hours a bit now and get used to it (as well as being paid more and hopefully using that to try and get out of debt) so it’s not such a shock to the system once it’s no longer an option for you?

I honestly dont think the OP will come back... hopefully looking for a job, too embarassed or even getting us all wound up with this and then leaving.

@BoredZelda

I can't get past you not reporting his drink driving tbh...... Thinking only lf yourself. Not potential victims if he'd killed someone or killed a family just like yours.

Doing so after the fact is about as useless as your comment. The police may come round and have a chat but a prosecution would be very unlikely.

@BoredZelda I’m confused. Does the op’s partner drink and drive?

I'm not sure what magic bullet you're looking for here
You're complaining about lack of money but barely work yourself and spend on non essentials as well

It's very clear to me what you should do?

I’m confused. Does the op’s partner drink and drive?

@Ovenaffray - Bugger! Posted on the wrong thread!

I work 24 hours term time only and have a kid with additional needs. There was never a question of not working.

Check your local council, schools and charities for term time only jobs.

Enrol at your local college for online courses to improve your employment prospects.

Increase your work hours while kids are in school or look for a remote wfh basic admin job that brings in a salary.

Start training yourself to be better organised, get a diary or planner and write down everything for the week in the calendar. Transfer it all to your mobile and set up reminders for eg. After school clubs, apts, food shopping lists, menu planners etc.
www.mumsoffice.co.uk/collections/school-year-2021-22

Check out this thread on the housekeeping board for organisation tips:
The ADHD/ suspected ADHD/poor executive function/ generically disorganised and overwhelmed housekeeping thread

So I used to work 16 hours when I came off maternity so it’s not like I’m work shy or not used to working. It was stressful though as I felt I wasn’t getting support around the house and DH and I argued constantly. I’m happy to work 10 or 16 hours a week again but I don’t feel emotionally able to do 30. I’m not looking for sympathy, just being honest.

Having read this update, it confirms that your DH is a huge part of this issue.
He needs to man up and help more with his child and around the house.

Her DH clearly needs to take his share of the responsibility for their overall financial situation being a mess, but I'm not sure this is entirely fair. If I worked full time and my partner only worked 16 hours a week I would expect them to do that majority of the housework.

Yes, working can be stressful. But none of us are entitled to a life free from stress, and 16 hours a week is still very part time by most people's standards.

So fucking entitled.

If I worked full time and my partner only worked 16 hours a week I would expect them to do that majority of the housework.

I agree but I would do it off my own back when kids I nursery.
But even complaining working 2 hours and he's still not cleaning whilst working full time is even more ridiculous.
Basically a SAHM

I’m not a tosser but will come across as such here.
You ‘bring in’ £700 per month for 8 hours work - that’s £87.50 per hour after tax etc. I thought the going rate for cleaners is around £13 - so you’re not doing badly. I may change professions for that rate.

Give it up, don’t give it up. You’re both entitled and unreasonable. I wish I had the opportunity to have a car, new electrical appliances and clothes.

Pardon the pun but either go and earn more (and of course you’ll have to pay more against your debts - it’s not your money) or cut your cloth.

As someone else has said you’re creditors will come along soon and the matter will be out of your hands (and it sounds as if you already have some form of debt arrangement)

I want to live in this world where I can only work two hours per week and have the government throw money at me for sitting on my bum, along with the free prescriptions and dental care.
Or the world where I can say fuck doing paid work, I want to spend time drawing pretty pictures while someone else pays for my existence.
Alas, it's not to be. Sigh.
Op, you need to get a job and get one asap. Stop playing the woe is me and being a lazy arse.

Just FYI, OP. It would be cheaper to buy gluten free bread and he makes a sandwich to take to work than for him to buy lunch every day.

@DiscoGlitterBall I think OP is including the UC in what 'she' brings in.

If you voluntarily give up a job you are ineligible for benefits for an extended period

Not if you have child under 3.

How much debt do you have OP?

Two hours per week?

Give it up, don’t give it up. You’re both entitled and unreasonable. I wish I had the opportunity to have a car, new electrical appliances and clothes.

Quite. This thread is something else.

[quote oviraptor21]@DiscoGlitterBall I think OP is including the UC in what 'she' brings in.

If you voluntarily give up a job you are ineligible for benefits for an extended period

Not if you have child under 3.[/quote]
She's also counting the child benefit.

YANBU for not wanting to work full time.

YABU that you think working 2 hours a week (my 13 year old works more) and claiming benefits to top yourself up is a long term alternative.

You're spending money you literally don't have. Stop. Hold yourself accountable. Your partner sounds like he's not understanding the same thing but he has more cash, but isn't spending wisely either.

Also, do you mean your DC is in school for 2.5 hours a day, or a week? Why such short days?

Why is the OP getting benefits? She isn't on maternity leave, jobseeking, or disabled. She isn't unable to work. She doesn't look after a child full-time - she's using 15 hours a week of free childcare

Quite. We are always told that the work shy "scrounging" portrayal is a myth...

You chose to have a child. Support it.

Look, I don't work full time either, and I don't plan to for another few years (part time is the only thing that got me through the pandemic, what with childcare now apparently being optional).

But I work 30 hours a week, because I like to have money to pay the bills and do nice stuff. If I worked 2 hours a week I would in debt like you are because that is basically not working. You need to work more hours.

Hi OP, I've been where you are. I spent money because I was sad and I was sad because I spent money. My life was a drudge and I spent money on luxuries to make myself feel better.

It's daunting to get out of it, but it's doable. Some easy steps for you below:

• Make a cup of tea.
• Go online and print out a years worth of bank statements.
• Take different colour highlighters and highlight decent categories of spending. Essential (basic clothes, rent, food, utilities, council tax, transport - shelter, food (at home meals) and warmth basically)

Semi essentials (Internet, phone, TV subscriptions, credit cards, car payments) Nice to haves (nice clothes, air fryers, soft play, treats, takeaways)

• Have some of your tea.

• Add up how much you are spending on each catergory in a month. If you are anything like me you will find that the nice to haves add up to a lot more than you were expecting.

Now, be ruthless. At the beginning of each month take out, in cash, how much you need for transport and food shopping. Put that in your purse. Only allow yourself to spend cash from your purse and if you run out you run out. Hide your card somewhere. Get your DH to do the same.

At the same time phone your creditors. Explain you've done an income and expenditure exercise and can you try and work out together a way of maximising your payments to them? It sounds horrible and believe me I cried buckets on the phone to my credit card provider when I did it, but for the most part they are nice people who want to help. They will suggest various options from freezing interest to going on a payment plan. But you need to talk to them.

Most importantly though, you need to take control. Honestly, I was in your position 4 years ago, two young kids, earning a pittance and hemorrhaging money. It took a great deal for me to pull my head out the sand... but now I'm comfortable and have a savings pot.

@Norgie

I want to live in this world where I can only work two hours per week and have the government throw money at me for sitting on my bum, along with the free prescriptions and dental care. Or the world where I can say fuck doing paid work, I want to spend time drawing pretty pictures while someone else pays for my existence. Alas, it's not to be. Sigh. Op, you need to get a job and get one asap. Stop playing the woe is me and being a lazy arse.

Or maybe you should get off your high horse. You don't get to decide what other peoples struggle looks like. She gets uc because she has a child under 5 and even our fucked up government recognises the importance of being at home if you choose to to do the most important job of all - raise a child.