For not wanting to work full time?

[Wazza89]

DH and I are both shockingly bad at money management.

We both work and receive UC. I work 2 hours a week cleaning and DH works full time. I get around £700 a month (UC and child benefit is paid into my bank account) and DH earns just over £1400. He pays rent (£595), BT, and TV license. I (somehow) pay water rates, food, council tax, gas & electricity - on top of personal bills.

Between the both of us, we are in so much debt! I inherited a car a few months ago and DH has a finance car on hire purchase (costs £118 a month) but he never wanted to put me on the insurance. He’s now able to return his car so I told him I would make him a registered keeper on my car and the main insurer as it would be cheaper for both of us. He agreed then changed his mind because he said he’s worked too hard for his car. He also has Adobe Photoshop on subscription, a PC on finance, and buys food at work every day. (I tried making him sandwiches but then he wanted to give up bread so I told him to sort himself out as I’m not buying gluten free bread for someone who isn’t a diagnosed celiac.) Our family had to step in and lend him cash for his MOT a few months ago. And he’s completely in his 2k overdraft.

Saying that, I’m not much better nowadays. I don’t have many friends with kids DS’s age so I take him to soft play sometimes twice a week. Obviously there’s an entry fee and I normally end up buying myself a coffee on top of that. Although I drive to my mum’s and to the supermarket, I get ridiculously anxious about driving new places (or places that are really busy) so I pay for public transport even though I have fuel in my car. I also give DH fuel money on weekends as he’s a crap passenger.

I tell myself I’m going to be more organised and bring snacks for DS when we go places, but I’m scatty and end up buying food out half the time. Our TV broke and instead of keeping a smaller screen until we were in a better financial situation, I replaced it. I also bought an air fryer with the last of my savings (which, in hindsight, I didn’t need). I dye my hair regularly and if I see an item of clothing I like, I buy it then regret it later as my wardrobe desperately needs sorting.

DH thinks I should work more hours on evenings and weekends (neither of us can afford childcare), but the thought really stresses me out (and I know that sounds pathetic). The last time I worked weekends (16 hours a week), I wasn’t significantly better off as all my debt repayments increased and I was STILL doing everything around the house. A messy house really stresses me out as I have OCD (and potentially ADHD which is why I find organisation difficult). I don’t want to work full time until DS is in reception. Also, DS is displaying ASD traits and is socially a bit delayed. I want to give him my full attention.

AIBU for not wanting to return to work?

@iguanadonna

Why is the OP getting benefits? She isn't on maternity leave, jobseeking, or disabled. She isn't unable to work. She doesn't look after a child full-time - she's using 15 hours a week of free childcare.

Why aren't we all paid to stay home with our children? Why are some people paid to not work?

I've always voted Labour but completely unable to grasp this.

I don't understand that either?

Op, you need to get DH to pitch in with housework and maybe lower your 'tidiness' standards.

I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and am 32 weeks pregnant. I work Nightshift because apart from the 4 year old being at nursery 8.45-2.45 4 days a week, we have no childcare. My partner works 12 and 14 hour dayshifts. We've done this since our eldest was born because as much as I would like to be at home til kids are at school, and I have awful anxiety, we cannot afford for me to not work. You need to choose to either work more, or cut out the unnecessary spending.

You can't afford the life you want and yet you're literally pissing away money on frivolous crap because you refuse to get yourself organised. Of course you need to work more. And learn to plan and budget.

It can be done.

OP We earn over 10 times your wage and I wouldn't go to dogmatic okay twice a week...what a waste!

Ok so a pp told you to start getting the ball rolling on a diagnosis for your DS and possibly yourself. That gets you access to various types of assistance.

I work FT, have a godawful commute so I need to be organised. I get stressed if I'm not organised. I also was as broke as fuck during the recession with high rent and childcare fees taking what little we had spare, so I'm ruthless with spending. Now it's easier I can treat myself once in a while but back then I just didn't let myself spend unnecessarily.

So, firstly I plan the shit out of the week. I've a spiral bound A4 pad with it's own pen and Saturday mornings while having my coffee I list at the top the days of the week from Saturday to Friday. Next to that, I put what we are having for dinner each of those nights, writing down what I need for each dinner on a list below, in 3 or 4 columns. That list gets transferred to my shopping app. My recipes are all on an app in my phone so I can check quantities if I forget in the supermarket how much of something I need. Add in lunch items, and the usual house basics and that's your list ready to go.

To the side of each day, I'll mark a star if we've got an appointment or commitment and list it below. At the very bottom of the page, I list anything that's an online order or a reminder to do something in the next couple of weeks..

My notebook helps keep me organised and helps me to batch cook what I can, and that way the week before pay day I can usually save us a good few quid because I've dinners in the freezer ready to go.

Invest in a coffee mug and fill it up before you leave home.
Pack lunches - I was a divil for forgetting it and I'd be at work and a lovely salad sitting at home in the fridge so now I make it the night before, put the lunch bag in the car and that way I never forget it.
Go feed the ducks or go puddling instead of soft play some days to save some money. Picnics when the weather is nicer.

Just don't go in to shops! - I found that when you went in and were impulsive you get caught that way- they are full of lovely things that you want to buy. So don't mooch around Next or even Primark out of boredom or whatever, just don't go in at all and if you do need to go in, get what you need and GTFO.

I let my hair grow out and didn't colour - couldn't afford to! I cut out the few beauty treatments I did have. I stopped buying papers and magazines. I literally only bought clothes I absolutely needed for a while. Try to get DS's clothes second hand or even free from freecycle groups.

See what things you have in your wardrobe you can sell. That'll help you declutter and also give you a few quid back.

You are a family so you need to pool your income and spending, each reserving a small amount for your own spends but look at online subscriptions, and you may save some money there by cancelling ones you don't use.

Have a look at the Marie Kondo decluttering method. Some of her ideas are a bit too far out for me but I liked her method and I realised I held on to lots of things out of sentiment or just habit. We got ruthless this year with our house, top to bottom. It took months and I donated loads but the upside is that with far less shite in our house, it's so much more easy to keep on top of tidying, you feel less overwhelmed.

Not all of my suggestions will suit you, but those are the ones that worked for me, and gave me back some control over family life and spending that I needed at the time.

[quote Wazza89]@MarshmallowFondant believe it or not, I used to work in care often doing 50+ a week. I managed to pay off debts and saved 5k which went towards a wedding and a bond for the house we rent.

I’ve just struggled since having ds and came here looking for advice on time management and organisation. I’ve been very honest so is there any need?[/quote]
You're looking for advice? Honestly? Get a bloody job.

But surely once DC are in school you'll have 9-3 free, so 30 hours a week?

It's normal to work, most of us have to do this to make ends meet, and do housework evenings/weekend.

I'm sure most of us would love to work 16 hours or less! It's just not optional if you want to pay for living.

@Wazza89, How much universal credit do you get?

My daughter does not bring home much more than you,  her salary and  the child allowance for her 2 little daughters  ( around £140 ) is paid straight into her account.

She has to work 15 hours (ish) 2 days, to earn that much, as a vet nurse.
Her husband brings home about the same as yours.
They have not applied for universal credit.

Would it be worth them doing so?

Work more and spend less.

I thought this post was a joke at first.

Why on earth are the OP and her equally slack partner being funded to do the bare minimum? (£1400 must be minimum wage or close to it, and the OP working 2 hours a week, I've done more hours than that by 10am every day!) I understand that UC was meant to raise living standards but instead you've got this outcome - 2 adults coasting along, with enough disposable cash they can run 2 cars and afford plenty of luxuries yet still complain they're broke. And can't be bothered to get off their backsides and actually do anything about it, I guess because the extra money makes life a bit too easy.

I'd be embarrassed to have posted if I was the OP.

*Well, everyone would be 'paid to not work' if they were prepared to reduce their working hours and live off top up benefits.

Or not work at all and get benefits. And sanctions. And whatever else they do when you're out of work and relying on benefits these days.

If you want to do that there's nothing stopping you*

We can’t all just choose not to work and live on benefits instead.

If you voluntarily give up a job you are ineligible for benefits for an extended period.

If you try to go on benefits when actually you could work you will have to provide regular evidence that you are actively looking for work and will be hassled until you get a job.

This isn't goady, just truthful, and you DID ask for opinions.

Going from 16 hours a week (that would be a four hour day, four days a week for perspective) to 2 hours but still getting £700 must have real appeal.

I'd call 16 hours a week workshy if you're ABLE to work and have massive debts.

You need to stop burying your head in the sand and stop blaming your bad time management, bad organisation and bad money skills.

I suggest you stop blaming and complaining and pour the energy you have left after your two hour working week into fixing these issues. When I see the (both mental and physical) struggles people very close to me have to fight through to keep their lives on an even keel I know it can be done. You just have to want to do it.

@Grenlei

I thought this post was a joke at first.

Why on earth are the OP and her equally slack partner being funded to do the bare minimum? (£1400 must be minimum wage or close to it, and the OP working 2 hours a week, I've done more hours than that by 10am every day!) I understand that UC was meant to raise living standards but instead you've got this outcome - 2 adults coasting along, with enough disposable cash they can run 2 cars and afford plenty of luxuries yet still complain they're broke. And can't be bothered to get off their backsides and actually do anything about it, I guess because the extra money makes life a bit too easy.

I'd be embarrassed to have posted if I was the OP.

I kind of agree and kind of don't, op's partner has a full time job and earns £1,400 a month (if this is after tax, they'll roughly be on £21k a year) that's only slightly below the average uk salary, I don't think that means that he sits on his arse and doesn't do anything. He needs to be better at money management, but IMO I think it's OP that is slacking atm, I know they have a child and someone needs to do the childcare, but 2 hours a week is barely working, it's not exactly 'part time', 2 hours a week is a choice

2hrs a week????
Jesus don't over do it
I'd work more and you can't do evenings and weekends around school or newsflash - use some
Childcare
Some people are so lazy

I certainly dont "want" to work full time. But like most people, I bloody have to, to pay my mortgage, feed and clothe my children and live ...

you sound ridiculously entitled. Grow up

The anxiety op mentioned was 'driving places she doesn't know and busy places' but she doesn't have anxiety getting public transport, going to soft play etc etc? It doesn't sound like her anxiety is particularly extreme and lots of people have anxiety but live within their means

I “have anxiety” about driving to new places. I stress myself out about it, if that’s what ‘having anxiety’ means. Whether I’ll find it, whether I’ll find parking, how to get there round ring roads. You know what I do? I study the map. A lot. And then just go for it because otherwise I won’t be going.

Your thread title is misleading, as you only discuss working evenings and weekends in your OP.
Your financial situation sounds horrendous, all that debt and unnecessary spending.
Personally I think you should definitely work, otherwise you'll slide deeper and deeper in debt.

And this: I’m not buying gluten free bread for someone who isn’t a diagnosed celiac
sounds incredibly mean

For a 40 hour week he can only be earning pennies over min wage. Or he's earning more per hour but working fewer hours. Yet he thinks they should run 2 cars!

I completely agree the OP working 2 hours a week is worse but from the OP's posts both are very entitled. At least the DP is working full time.

Just get a job and you’ll receive childcare costs within your universal credit

What did you do before your had your child? Did you work FT?

Op you are clearly living beyond your means, so you need to either reduce your outgoings, or increase your income. Given you only work 2 hours a week, increasing your hours it the most obvious choice. Working sets a good example for your child.

You've got a brass neck claiming benefits and only working 2 hours a week!

@Grenlei

I thought this post was a joke at first.

Why on earth are the OP and her equally slack partner being funded to do the bare minimum? (£1400 must be minimum wage or close to it, and the OP working 2 hours a week, I've done more hours than that by 10am every day!) I understand that UC was meant to raise living standards but instead you've got this outcome - 2 adults coasting along, with enough disposable cash they can run 2 cars and afford plenty of luxuries yet still complain they're broke. And can't be bothered to get off their backsides and actually do anything about it, I guess because the extra money makes life a bit too easy.

I'd be embarrassed to have posted if I was the OP.

I agree with you apart from your comments about her partner being equally slack because he doesn’t earn much over minimum wage. A lot of those full time minimum wage jobs help keep this country going just as much as the highly paid people, it doesn’t make someone slack or lazy! Blame the system not the poorly paid workers.

Yes it sounds like you are making excuses and really do not know what life is all about.
It is about taking responsibility and avoiding easy short term "feel good" choices .
Deciding working is better that spending time at home and blaming it on OCD.