Is anyone truly happy in a long term relationship?

[anon12345634552]

Just wondered what everyone's thoughts are on this. To those people who have been together 10-15 years for example, maybe a little less or a little longer. Do you still feel content with your partner, do you meet each other's needs? Or are you comfortable and settled and it's OK enough to not rock the boat, but doesn't tick every box for you anymore?

I guess I'm just genuinely wondering, past a certain point of living together and being together long term, no matter how things were in the beginning or how strong the relationship was or wasn't through the years.. is it inevitable that things change and you just accept it? Does anyone ever remain loved up on some level 'happily ever after'?

I love my husband, we have a solid relationship and are good friends. This is my second marriage and have been together for 25 years. He's been the best stepfather my eldest could have.

Part of why our relationship is so solid is because we are pretty independent. We share finances but have our own accounts with our own money. We go on holidays with friends apart from each other, we share duties around the house and don't sweat the small stuff. Neither of us believe in monogamy forever and long time ago we had a talk that if one of us wanted out, it'd be ok to us as a family.

We've done some crazy and naugthy things together that has brought intimately closer and we are still amazing friends. We are content and happy to be in each other's company which at our ripe age of 60 it's the best I can ask for.

12 year relationship, married for 5. I feel the same way about him as I always have, he’s my favourite person in the world and the thought of being without him makes me feel sick to my stomach. I have incredible friends, a job, and hobbies and we aren’t in each other’s pockets all the time but even when we are (lockdown!) we just get on brilliantly. I feel really lucky. So many of my friends are married to lazy useless men-children

is it inevitable that things change and you just accept it?

Just to pick up on this question as well, obviously things are always changing throughout relationships, people will change over the years some will change a lot some only a bit, circumstances change etc etc I think it's how couples handle the changes that matters in relationships though, changes and harder times can either make a couple even more solid and close or it can tear them a part

This is a lovely thread. Nice to hear about happy couples.

11 years and two kids here. One nearly 3, who is challenging and possible SEN.

It has had peaks and troughs, but has mainly been on an unexciting even keel, which after mainly tempetuous relationships with men with baggage that is great.

We are struggling at the moment, mainly because we both work full time and our kids are still young and my youngest is going through a difficult patch (to be fair he has been difficult since birth). We don't have much time to work on ourselves, have interests or look after our appearance. We probably don't fancy each other like we first did and I lack confidence as I know that after kids I'm not attractive anymore. We aren't at logger heads, just have little time for each other and are exhausted. I also think I'm perimenopausal too.

I'm hoping as the kids get older things get better as they did when my first was about four. I do love my partner though and appreciate him after being with guys who were either abusive or thought women had to be 'wives'. He is a great dad and I think he appreciates me too. I think the fact that we both work full time helps us see each other as equals.

Together for 8, married for 3. I'm very envious of the PP's about getting excited about their husbands coming home from / being their best friend etc. I don't feel like that at all. I'm also embarrased to even be thinking of talking about splitting when we've only been married 3 years.

Married for 48 years, together for 52. Children didn't happen. Have totally different interests, often disagree on things but agree to disagree. Have never come across anyone else I would rather be with.

Our first date was just over 35 years ago and we’ve been married 27 years.

We have had our ups and downs, but at the end of the day we love each other more deeply than ever. Luckily we enjoy each other’s company (both WFH due to covid).

We kiss good morning, and goodnight and tell each other “I love you” every day.

Intimate relationship isn’t as exciting as it was when we met, but often it is more ‘deep’ nowadays. Still ‘do it’ a few times a week 😋

Met in our 40s, nearly 20 years ago. Neither married before, were both happy singles & neither wanted children and, having had previous relationships with people who did have children, we both knew we didn't want to be step-parents either. Tbh I don't believe in "the one" but we love each other very much, we're kind & thoughtful to each other. Used to have a raving sex life which is much less now. I think he misses that but he never puts any pressure on me. We have quite a few separate interests & friends but joint ones too. He's brought calm & peace to my life and I've never respected a partner / boyfriend a 10th as much as my dear husband. He's a really special man and without doubt the best friend I've ever had.

10 years. Best it's ever been.

7 years was rocky for us.

I was thinking about this thread earlier and recalled our 2nd date. We went to see Miss Saigon and afterwards dh (well love interest back then) sought my hand as we walked to a restaurant and quietly said "I've fallen in love with you". That was in 1989 and we have barely spent a night apart since. Every night he reaches for my hand and says I love you and every morning he rolls over and hugs me as the alarm goes.

That all sounds v romantic for a pair of old glimmers and chap who doesn't like pda's.

This is so soppy yuck lol but I realised thinking about it that one of my fave things is if I’m meeting him somewhere or we’ve been shopping separately in Asda or whatever, that when we see each other we both perk up visibly. I love that.

15 years with this one. I genuinely don’t think I’m cut out for LTRs. I need more than one man in my life. Thankfully I do have that freedom within this relationship. I think we’d have fared better if we’d not lived together though.

I don't think I'm cut out for very LTRs either. I just feel so claustrophobic at the thought of being trapped with one person and all their irritations, habits, smells, noises and insistence on doing things a particular way. I need actual freedom. I need to grow in my life and to see what possibilities are there. Not to stagnate and not be able to get out without upsetting people.

@RosesAndHellebores

I was thinking about this thread earlier and recalled our 2nd date. We went to see Miss Saigon and afterwards dh (well love interest back then) sought my hand as we walked to a restaurant and quietly said "I've fallen in love with you". That was in 1989 and we have barely spent a night apart since. Every night he reaches for my hand and says I love you and every morning he rolls over and hugs me as the alarm goes.

That all sounds v romantic for a pair of old glimmers and chap who doesn't like pda's.

That's cute

Not me. People get on my nerves after a few years. I'm much happier living on my own.
I've been married twice and had two other relationships but none of them really contributed anything significant to my life.

100%, happier every year. We've grown together over the decades, he's my other half and best friend.

However, despite trying, we never became parents, and maybe things would have been different if we had? I've seen so many relationships buckle, strain and change after having children.

Married and in double figures. I love and fancy him more than ever.

He is, without a doubt, the best person I’ve ever met. Up until a few years ago, we were very happy but I was well aware that we hadn’t really faced any big challenges. Then I had some health stuff happen that has had a big impact on us and he just took it in his stride and showed me that he’s as just reliable when things are rubbish as he is when things are great.

@Tootsey11

I'm in the minority here, it's a no after 21 years. He annoys the fuck out of me, and every day I wonder why I am still with him.

I wonder how many of you have hit the menopause as it has definitely given me a different outlook on things.

I couldn't agree more. I don't want to be in a marriage any more. I'm desperate to be alone. It's exhausting sharing space with someone who you have grown hugely apart from.

To those who've come up for air at the other side: is it common to go through a phase of "meh-ness" when you have young kids? DP and I get on pretty well still but life is just so knackering and relentless and we're just so. tired. all. the. time. We don't have much (any) time for romance or even sometimes for talking to each other. We just sink into the sofa and watch tv and that's it. I think we're still pretty solid and obviously the kids bring us great joy but I'm sort of hoping this isn't going to be how it is for the long haul and that when they're both at school and less physically dependent on us we might be able to reconnect a bit? Is there any hope?!

@Miriam101

To those who've come up for air at the other side: is it common to go through a phase of "meh-ness" when you have young kids? DP and I get on pretty well still but life is just so knackering and relentless and we're just so. tired. all. the. time. We don't have much (any) time for romance or even sometimes for talking to each other. We just sink into the sofa and watch tv and that's it. I think we're still pretty solid and obviously the kids bring us great joy but I'm sort of hoping this isn't going to be how it is for the long haul and that when they're both at school and less physically dependent on us we might be able to reconnect a bit? Is there any hope?!

Of course having to deal with young kids is going to completely change your lives and your relationship, how could it not? Obviously you're both going to be really tired etc but it is important imo to make some bit of an effort with each other even if it's just getting a baby sitter every couple of months to go for dinner or a drink or to the cinema, just to reconnect a bit and have one on one time away from the house

20 years together this year. He’s very much the love of my life. As a PP said I don’t expect him to be everything. I have friends, hobbies and interests outside of him. But we are a very solid team and he is an amazing, kind, brilliant man. We are friends, partners and lovers. At various times in our life, one of those three has been more important than the other two. But it all evens out.

Yes been with my DH for almost 19 years, and married for almost 9, two dds, couldn't imagine my life without him really, we have our own lives outside of each other but at the end of the day he's my rock

Bumping bump.love this one

@Miriam101 Yes definitely. Having young kids was a tough time for me and DH (together 25 years now). All the normal stuff - both tired, not enough quality time together, bickering over silly things. It started getting easier when the youngest hit 3yo. Hang in there!

We met as students so together well over 35 yrs and navigated quite a few curveballs from life. We are not the same people we were at 20 and so yes of course relationships change as you grow and change.

There are key pinch points in any relationship. Early years with DC; a decade in when both of you will have changed from your younger selves and are no longer on best behaviour; DC teenage years which often coincide with that mid-life crisis time; DC leaving home and rethinking how you want to spend the rest of your life.

Where these are compounded by variables such as a sick child, a sick partner, infidelity or job loss it can be hard to navigate without support of friends, family and sufficient cash in the bank and an enduring commitment to each other. Most of the marriages I've seen end during my time had one of these compounding factors.