Is anyone truly happy in a long term relationship?

[anon12345634552]

Just wondered what everyone's thoughts are on this. To those people who have been together 10-15 years for example, maybe a little less or a little longer. Do you still feel content with your partner, do you meet each other's needs? Or are you comfortable and settled and it's OK enough to not rock the boat, but doesn't tick every box for you anymore?

I guess I'm just genuinely wondering, past a certain point of living together and being together long term, no matter how things were in the beginning or how strong the relationship was or wasn't through the years.. is it inevitable that things change and you just accept it? Does anyone ever remain loved up on some level 'happily ever after'?

15 years here and I adore him. We have supported each other through tough times and there is no one else I want by my side.

11 years in, I love him more now than I did at the start because I know him better and we have matured together. He sent me a video of himself today and I was struck by how attractive he is. I wouldn't hang around if the love was fading. I'd do something about it or move on.

23 years (since I was 17!!!!) and he is my best friend. I worry what I’d do without him.

14 years together, lived together for 7 and married for 1. We've both been married before and have been determined to learn lessons and do things better this time. He is the kindest most considerate person who does so much to make my life easier and nicer (I do the same I think). We laugh, love spending time together and are a team. We both feel very lucky.

Together for 30, married for 24, 3 children.

Yes it's changed, how could it not over 3 decades. Ebbs and flows are a part of any relationship.

We love each other unconditionally and we are mates for life. If anything ever had to happen to my darling (often infuriating) DH I would never ever consider dating another.

18y together and we have def grown together. We are very content.

Yes, we’ve been married 13 years and together for nearly 20.
We are ‘content and settled’ but that makes me happy. I’ve never been one for drama.
I love him and trust he loves me.
We have good times and down times but that’s as it should be. Life can’t always be sunshine and roses and perfection. Believing it should be is the break up of many families.

Yes, happy. We've been together 26 years and not married yet, although this is the year, according to him!!

We met when I was 39 so both agreed to try for children within about four months and were lucky enough to have two. So we actually have never had a proper holiday without the kids and we are really looking forward to it. And doing lots of things just the two of us, like concerts, walking tours, that kind of thing.

I'm another lucky one, 15 years married, been through a whirlwind of crap, health, money and a lot in between, have 4 fantastic kids and we ride the ups and downs, laughing as much as we can, and sometimes through tears. There's been arguments and lows, but they never last long. And yes, we've both hugely changed since the start so I suppose we're lucky that we did in tandem

8 years, 2 kids, 2 houses I don't want to be with him the rest of my life. He cheated, we repaired it for the kids, I don't hate him but the trust has gone

Been together for 31 years, married for 29 years. Got two great children (grown up now), he’s always been a great dad. We are very content and definitely still in love, things change of course but I’d say we’ve grown together rather than apart through the ups and downs of life.

20 years together and as time goes by our relationship gets better. We aren't perfect but we like and love each other very much.

15 years but yes happy and love him. It’s very different to when we were young and carefree but I wouldn’t have it any other way. We’ve had troubles though and times we’ve had to work to stay together

27 years together but we lost our way a bit at year23 and had a few months apart.
Now we have reconnected it's like a spark has been relit.

Yes. 40+ years and still happy.

8 years. I love him and he's a good man, but am I truly happy? I'm not sure. I'm very much a loner and like my own company. He brings a lot to my life but also I miss my space. If anything happened to him I wouldn't live with another man

Together 8 years, married for 3.

Not that long in the grand scheme of things, but we've been through some pretty awful stuff (2 parental bereavements, one unexpected, both had bouts of severe illness, one of which needed hospitalisation for a while, redundancies, and genuine, no-electricity, not sure how we cope poverty) which started early on and accelerated things quite quickly.

We are happier than ever, and the hard stuff didn't make us pull apart, it brought us closer and gave us a better understanding of each other. I didn't understand what it meant to grow with someone before now, but that's what we're doing - it gets better as we go. I often think I'm very proud of our relationship, which sounds stupid - lots of it is luck (compatibility, chemistry), but lots of it is us choosing to love each other well despite both of us having had challenges that would have made it easy to be a bad partner.

We're so embarrassingly, stupidly happy that I wouldn't have believed someone if they'd told me 10 years ago it was possible to feel like this after 8 years with someone, but here I am excited to get home after a night away with work cos I just want to be near him

Yes. Together 32 years and still besotted!

Almost 20 years and love him to bits. We’re on the same wavelength in terms of politics, god, day to day rights and wrongs, so we rarely argue. We have the same sense of humour too which helps. He pisses me off occasionally, I piss him off, but it doesn’t last.

Honestly? Purely on a fundamental partnership level putting children and work aside. Been together since I was 17. I'm 39 now. Lots of ups and downs. After 22yrs I have only had sex twice in the last 3yrs with him. Both terrible. We get on (on the surface). No massive issue. He adores me. But I don't feel loved. He has no interest in intimacy which i value. I am very lonely in that respect.

Almost 20 years. Love him even more than I did when we first got married. He’s my best friend

32 years and counting.
He's the best. Love him dearly and can't imagine life without him.

Married 10 years, together 14. Things change, sure. He's not perfect, neither am I, but to say he doesn't 'tick every box' feels completely disrespectful. He's the man I love - we've built a life together, we support each other, look after each other, make each other laugh and are there for each other. We've been through upheavals, ill health, bereavement, children, pets, jobs, house moves, holidays, celebrations. We still love spending time with each other and trust and respect each other. Life is tough; there is no one I would rather have by my side.

31 married, 33 together. I can honestly say I love him a little more each year. Not the same fluffy pink cloud of infatuation and lust but a deep togetherness and my closest friend. We have laughed together, birthed together, grieved together and found out everything that makes the other tick.

I think ten years or so can be a turning point op. You know each other warts and all and also families stop behaving well in front of you and show their true colours. Plus you are well aware by then of each other's career trajectory and where your lives are going and if it's the direction you both truly want.

Yes. Kind of. Been with DH 28 years, married for 26. I love him. He loves me. We have fun together. We do a lot of things together as we have a lot in common, so we go out together all the time and easily agree in how we want to spend free time and holidays.

But I had to learn he can't be everything to me. He is useless at emotional support and not very good at conversation. This used to upset me. Now I just look to friends and family for good, lomg heart-to-hearts.

Everyone is different but ime, the happiest marriages are the ones where people don;t expect their partner to be perfect and don't expect their partner to be the source of their happiness. they are independently happy, forgiving of weaknesses and foibles but ultimately loving and respectful.

In a long marriage, people take their eye off the ball sometimes. They stop showing appreciation, take too much for granted, get lazy etc. It's important to notice this and gently challenge it so it doesn't get worse. If you care for each other, you up the game and make the right changes. It does take some effort, but most things worth having take effort.