Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10

Original poster

Is anyone truly happy in a long term relationship?

232 replies

anon12345634552 · 18/01/2022 18:45

Just wondered what everyone's thoughts are on this. To those people who have been together 10-15 years for example, maybe a little less or a little longer. Do you still feel content with your partner, do you meet each other's needs? Or are you comfortable and settled and it's OK enough to not rock the boat, but doesn't tick every box for you anymore?

I guess I'm just genuinely wondering, past a certain point of living together and being together long term, no matter how things were in the beginning or how strong the relationship was or wasn't through the years.. is it inevitable that things change and you just accept it? Does anyone ever remain loved up on some level 'happily ever after'?

OP posts:

StoneofDestiny · 18/01/2022 23:01

Been with my DH decades. Nothing will separate us - we've weathered too much together, we share everything and trust each other implicitly. We have joint and separate friends, joint and separate pursuits and pull together when troubles come knocking.

StoneofDestiny · 18/01/2022 23:03

Trust, respect and shared values are key.

StaplesCorner · 18/01/2022 23:07

Married 33 years and I am ashamed to say most of them extremely unhappy. Now facing our 60s with a divorce. I was watching a Tv programme earlier tonight with a couple in their 80s who were good friends and loving, just enjoying life and pottering around - I feel sick knowing that won't be us.

getmeoutofheresooner · 18/01/2022 23:11

10 years and can't stand him

BetsyBigNose · 18/01/2022 23:14

Absolutely! We've been together 18 years next month, married for 14 and have two DDs. We've been through some truly shitty times, but the worst of those were more than 10 years ago and we're happier together now more than ever. I still occasionally get that 'flippy tummy' feeling when I see him!

PrettyBluebells · 18/01/2022 23:27

24 years together, my heart still skips when I see him.

Mummadeze · 18/01/2022 23:32

16 years, familiarity has bred discontent in our case. I can only see his flaws now and vice verse. Hoping for a second chance at love one day to be honest.

GrandDuchessRomanov · 18/01/2022 23:35

Yes. Together just over 30 years and I not only love him to bits but am "in love" with him too, still, after all these years.

Presumably he feels the same as today he came home with a bag of goodies from Hotel Chocolate and told me that he has booked us a last minute European City break for this weekend!

He is a wonderful Husband and the most amazing Dad to our 16 year old DS who has SLD - he is better with him than I am.

IGotAVaxAndILikedIt · 18/01/2022 23:39

26 years.

He is my best mate. If anything I am more in love than when we started.

EveMonsoon · 18/01/2022 23:47

I’ve been with my partner for 17 years, would like to kill him occasionally but mostly he’s great. I must admit, there are times when I wander around the house planning how I would rearrange the furniture if anything were to happen to him, but then the guilt/love kicks in.

All in all, I’m very happy with him and I think my life is better for having him in it.

penguin23 · 18/01/2022 23:55

Been together 17 years and married 6, known him for 36 years though as we met when we were 4, have known him longer than my own younger sister! He’s always been in my life in some way, I love him more and more with each passing year, he’s my everything, especially since we became parents too.

FriendshipsAreHardForMe · 18/01/2022 23:57

10-15 yrs here. Met in our late teens.

In all honesty, 3 kids in, I'm content. Not head over heels. He annoys me a lot sometimes. He also has some major flaws. But so do I. He's incredibly reliable, loyal and kind. He's generous and laid back.

Our sex life isn't all that. It's pretty bad at the moment to be honest but it's never been a big part of our life together and when we have it it's good.

Sometimes I regret settling down as early as I did. If I'm brutally honest we have different senses of humour and his doesn't make me laugh that often. We also have different political values (some stuff anyway). But we also rub along nicely and are kind to each other.

Most people I know in long term relationships with young children aren't all that happy with their partner. I know of a few who would leave if they felt they could financially.

I think it's normal and that's why they say you have to work on relationships, because there will be times it's very tempting to end things.

That all sounds very negative doesn't it! But having said all that, I wouldn't change my partner, I think we're good for each other really!

Sportslady44 · 18/01/2022 23:59

The long term is the best part. Its settling to be with a ltp.

ChicCroissant · 19/01/2022 00:10

Yes, absolutely - we met as teenagers and have been together for over 40 years now. I can't imagine going through life without him by my side. We've both changed over that long period of time, our families have had issues and we've certainly covered the sickness, health, richer and poorer elements of our vows (like a lot of people have , I imagine!).

The OP asked about contentment - yes, we're a team and there is contentment especially when you know you have guaranteed backup whenever and however you need it. We still laugh together every day, and I agree with StoneofDestiny about shared values.

Halfabag · 19/01/2022 00:50

Well when he snores I’d quite like to throw him out the window, but when he’s awake I absolutely adore him. 16 years. I can’t imagine my world without him. Sorry, soppy I know.

Floralnomad · 19/01/2022 00:57

We’ve been together for 37 yrs , married for 33 this year - he adores me and I love him .

PattyPan · 19/01/2022 01:15

DP and I have been together not as long as that, only 6 years but it’s a lot in terms of percentage of life as we are mid twenties. We are so happy together and I can’t imagine a life without him. He is my best friend.

irisetta · 19/01/2022 01:26

Yep. Together 17 years now, I adore him. My best friend and my love.

nokidshere · 19/01/2022 01:26

Surely a relationship that doesn't change isn't healthy though.

We have been together over 40yrs and married for nearly 40. Neither of us are the same person we were back then. DH is a kind, calm, generous person, very even tempered. I'm far more volatile and emotional. We've had plenty of rows over the years but none that can't be resolved, now we are both retired and rub along nicely together and alone.

Luckily for us as we matured and changed we still liked each other, although our lives are unrecognisable from the frantic days of babies and small children, then teens and uni.

Long term brings its own rewards. We know each other inside out, sex and intimacy get better with age, trust and mutual respect are embedded now. I can't imagine my life without him in it and I think he feels the same.

You have to accept change because that's how we grow both as individuals and as a couple. Do we still 'tick every box'? Well no, but that's because we never did in the first place. If you are looking for perfection then failure will be the outcome.

Halfabag · 19/01/2022 01:53

Thinking about your op, I think some people are addicted to the lust and chase that so although they might love someone, they can’t stand that loss of the first flush of romance. Love gets less exciting, more dependable, that’s the way it is, but with that comes loyalty, trust, friendship, comfort, and deeper love. At least if you are in a good relationship.

Opus17 · 19/01/2022 07:07

12 years together this summer, married 6. I love him more now than I did in the beginning. It sounds cheesy and clichéd but he really is one of my best friends too.

I'm also sceptical about long term relationships but I always remember saying if I were to grow old with someone, I can definitely see it being DH!
We have our issues, especially after DS was born in lockdown, COVID and new child threw a bit of a bomb into us but we came out the other side and knew we'd get it back somehow

Etsylicious · 19/01/2022 07:16

Together 10 years. I’m miserable a lot of the time (he is a bully). I get my joy from DS (4 yo).

We have a ‘lovely’ life together - nice family, friends, lovely home/holidays - and as someone who struggled with loneliness and being single for many years I don’t want to go back there. So, it’s a cross I am willing to bear, for now.

He’s not all bad - is loyal, hardworking, always has my back… just wish he wasn’t a dickhead half the time. I’m not in love with him because of it…

Flatandhappy · 19/01/2022 08:06

Together 32 years, married 30. Nowadays we are really happy, choose to spend a lot of time together, share the same interests and have lots of fun. We also love to travel together. He has also been there for me through some really tough times health wise and I am blown away by his continued care, support and love. He did have what I term his “dick years” in his 30s when he was doing that classic high powered job, hard to differentiate between staff and family thing when I could have cheerfully walked away if it wasn’t for the three kids but he has mellowed so much he now recognises what an ass he was and is making up for it big time.

MrsTrumpton · 19/01/2022 08:13

Absolutely, OP. Been together 16 years and I love him even more than I did when we first said I love you. It’s a deeper, reassuring kind of love than the giddiness we had at the beginning but I wouldn’t trade it for that. This is better. Plus he makes me laugh like a drain, he’s the funniest person I know.

Fimofriend · 19/01/2022 08:16

Been together for 28 years. We kiss and cuddle and hold hands when we go for walks. I love him

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10