Is anyone truly happy in a long term relationship?

[anon12345634552]

Just wondered what everyone's thoughts are on this. To those people who have been together 10-15 years for example, maybe a little less or a little longer. Do you still feel content with your partner, do you meet each other's needs? Or are you comfortable and settled and it's OK enough to not rock the boat, but doesn't tick every box for you anymore?

I guess I'm just genuinely wondering, past a certain point of living together and being together long term, no matter how things were in the beginning or how strong the relationship was or wasn't through the years.. is it inevitable that things change and you just accept it? Does anyone ever remain loved up on some level 'happily ever after'?

We have been married for over 42 years.
At the start we couldn't keep are hands off each other.
Then we had the children and life changed, time on our own became difficult.
Children grew up and we learnt to court (old fashioned word) each other.
Sometimes it felt as though we were just starting again.
Grandchildren came along and we retired.
Again our lives changed and we went with the flow.
Then a big change happened I was diagnosed with cancer.
He became more of a rock for me to lean on.
I love him more now than ever.
We have had good times and bad, lost our first baby.
Lost all the money we had paid into our mortgage account.
(Solicitor ran off with ours and a few others)
I wouldn't want to experience them with anyone else.

Relationships are not just about sex. It's respect, love and friendship.

@LiveFromNewYork I think attitude is a big factor yes. We both have happily married parents so grew up watching the mechanics of a functional loving marriage and I think that’s a massive privilege/advantage. We’ve seen first-hand and from birth that rough patches are normal but not terminal if you hang onto communication and respect, and we can and do talk to our folks (and in my case my grandparents too, who are still alive and still in a working marriage after 65 years together) about it all. I think starting with that as our reference point rather than a Hollywood depiction of love is huge. We are very lucky.

Yes, very happy. 18 years together, 12 of those married.

I know I'm very lucky.

@LiveFromNewYork

Whenever there is a thread like this I wonder whether the people who say they are still loved up/ things haven't changed that much are just lucky they met 'the one', or whether these people are approaching their relationships differently (perhaps with lower expectations, not in a bad way) or better able to count their blessings.

Probably a combination of all of these. The saying the grass is greener where you water it has a lot of truth in it. I don’t think marriage should be hard work but it’s essential to invest in it and your spouse. If you can keep the love strong it’s easier to treat your husband or wife with care and affection, and if you do those small but meaningful things the love takes care of itself.

This is the second marriage for both of us, we’ve both seen how awful it is when it goes to shit. Neither of us wants to do that again. My expectations are high but so is my investment.

@LiveFromNewYork

Whenever there is a thread like this I wonder whether the people who say they are still loved up/ things haven't changed that much are just lucky they met 'the one', or whether these people are approaching their relationships differently (perhaps with lower expectations, not in a bad way) or better able to count their blessings.

I don't believe in 'the one', I'm sure I could have been happy with another man, but we do seem to suit each other well!

Yes.

Of course, he gets on my tits sometimes and I get on his but 20 odd years in close proximity with anyone (parent, friend, coworker, spouse, lover, child) would be the same.

Does he ‘tick every box’? Probably not but then I’m not sure anyone would and I’m not looking for perfect. He ticks enough boxes for me and we love each other very much. There’s no one else I’d rather spend time with.

“Merryoldgoat

LiveFromNewYork
Whenever there is a thread like this I wonder whether the people who say they are still loved up/ things haven't changed that much are just lucky they met 'the one', or whether these people are approaching their relationships differently (perhaps with lower expectations, not in a bad way) or better able to count their blessings.
I think there’s something in this.

DH and I have an equitable relationship, are both ‘talkers’ so don’t argue even if we disagree.

I can’t imagine a better match but neither of us are ‘high maintenance’, and we are very even tempered.”

Yeah I wonder about this too- husband and I are both very laid back and we talk about stuff, I think we’re both pretty reasonable. I can count on one hand the amount of times we’ve raised our voices and that was during a stressful renovation!

One of my very friends is definitely not even tempered, but she thinks the spark and fun of a relationship is a blazing row- thinks it shows passion, she loves a dramatic relationship but it doesn’t ever work out long term as she said herself she hates being comfortable. Would hate a drama filled relationship!

Been together nearly 20 years. Married for 15.

Dh is still the funniest person I know (to me anyway) and we laugh every single day, even if we have annoyed each other at some point.

But I really couldn't see myself with anyone else and if something happened and we weren't together anymore, the thought of dating or having sex with someone else, I don't think I could.

I genuinely enjoy spending time with him still after all these years.

That’s interesting @Verbena87

DH parents have a bad marriage marred by infidelity and booze. Mine had a pretty bad marriage, similar issues, but had a passable divorce and are great friends now. One of my grans was widowed young, the other set had a horrendous marriage, yet more affairs and alcoholism.

We have no positive role models at all, plus a divorce each, so we’re making it up as we go along knowing what doesn’t work!

My late DH and were together 25 years, married for 23 of them, and yes, it was happy.

I'm in the minority here, it's a no after 21 years. He annoys the fuck out of me, and every day I wonder why I am still with him.

I wonder how many of you have hit the menopause as it has definitely given me a different outlook on things.

Absolutely. 11 years on, he's still my best friend and I can't wait to see him every evening. We love our weekends together, doing whatever we fancy (now with our DS). Bliss.

Married 10 years together for 18 years this year. We met at uni and have grown up together. Nobody makes me laugh like him. No matter what we can always find something to laugh about. I genuinely think humour is so important in a relationship!
We don't have as much sex as we used to partly just opportunity with having kids now but when we do it's just as good as ever. So that part is still there.
I feel like we are on a team and I want us to win at being a great couple. I can't imagine a future where we aren't together.

Agreed @AnneLovesGilbert. Obviously that relies on both partners being equally invested in the future of the relationship but I very much agree with the ‘greener where you water it’ theory.

@echt

My late DH and were together 25 years, married for 23 of them, and yes, it was happy.

I should have answered you question better. Yes, we really loved each other. Even DD noticed it when comparing the relationships of friends' parents (no, I didn't ask her to do this).

I've been single for 11 years and am only 4 months into a relationship with what was the love of my life (from 20 years ago). Can't stand it, need my space, bed and routine back. I've ended it tonight. I know I am better on my own.

I've never felt lonely. I just feel frustrated when I have to accommodate another person. I've done that with my kids.

Mmm bed and book ❤️

Together just over 10 years. Neither of us are fussed about marriage. We laugh all the time. He’s my absolute best friend and he’s so damn good looking!

Yes 100%. Married with a DD 17. We’ve never gone to sleep on a cross word. Still hold hands when out and my underwear and top is always on the radiator in the bedroom awaiting me when I get out of the shower on a winter morning. I haven’t ironed in a decade (DH does every single bit), washes up every night and will happily sing along to a show tune in the car with me. He’s just made me tea and tossed me a Frys Turkish Delight as I fancied something sweet. He’s a keeper and a lot of this is how he was raised (my DMIL now lives with us and he treats her with the utmost love and respect too). I would honestly be lost without him.

Yes, been together 20 years, married for 17. We get along well but obviously haven't much time together because of our children, work etc plus my elderly MIL lives next door to us. When we moved away she came with us as my FIL died and we didn't want her to be on her own.
We keep the spice going by having a date night once a week, either on a Thursday or Friday evening. If we don't fancy going out we watch a film, listen to music with a few drinks and a nice meal.

We met at uni 33 years ago and have been together 32 years, married for 27.

Still in love with each other. We'd both like more sex but antidepressants for both of us don't help. Have brought up 3 great kids (now 18,19,21) and now they're all grown up they're increasingly not here, and we often get the weekend just us, and it's lovely.

Things have never been shaky, but we did have more disagreements when the dc were small (we had 3 under 4) as we were exhausted. But we got through that by being honest and open about how we were feeling.

10 years ago I became quite badly disabled and he's been my rock, done more for me than I could ever have asked for. I love him more than I can express, really.

Like life, love goes up and down. Luckily so far, when the level of love goes down, we are able to respect each other and wait for something to remind me why dh is an excellent husband. That wait can be long or short.

We been married 9 (almost 10) years and been together 11 years. I have known him for longer (or should I say I knew his sister).

I've been with dp 15 years. He is still the funniest, kindest and sexiest person I know. We have been through so much together I know that I can count on him when it matters.

I am someone who does quite well on my own, so I'm certain that if dp wasn't a good partner I would rather live alone.

Over 20 years here and still in love and a strong partnership. Not giddy in love or living in perfect harmony or anything and our relationship has evolved and gone through ups and downs through the years. It's probably unusual for things not to change in that time, especially from what things might have been like in the first few years and pre-kids if there are kids on the scene. I think it helps, in our case anyway, that we're both quite practical and not especially romantic/idealistic types.

Also like PP I don't believe in 'the one'.

We've been together for 15 years, married for 13. Our relationship is stronger and deeper than at the beginning. It's still a thrill to do simple things like hold hands.

We’ve been together for 13 years, married for 9. We were so sickeningly happy and together, but it all seemed to change gradually once I fell pregnant. Now, I wouldn’t say either of us were blissfully happy, more (just about!) happy enough with periods of unhappiness.

I hope once the kids are a bit older and more independent we’ll get back on track, and if we don’t, I just pray that it’s his “fault” we split so I can keep it amicable between us for the kids.

I’m not going to get married or live with a man again if this one goes tits up though, too much hassle and mess!