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None of the other kids cried or screamed like that
128

Roundandroundthejardim · 17/01/2022 21:28

Just want to check if my DD, 3.5’s behaviour seems normal and how you’d react if it was your child.
Took her on one of the those remote control cars at the shopping centre.
She had great fun and really enjoyed it…until it ended. Her dad reversed her into the car part and we said how fun it was, she was great at driving etc and it had finished now and we were off to get some nice lunch.
She screamed like I’ve not seen her do before, I had to get her out of the car, whilst she shouted and cried and proceeded to bite my shoulder. She then did the same as we were walking around a shop and she wouldn’t put a soft toy back, she has plenty of treats and it’s just been Xmas etc. Dp had to pick her up as she wouldn’t co operate, again she shouted and cried and tried to bite his shoulder.
Worth noting she was tired, but is that normal?! None of the other children reacted like that. Lately she just seems to be shouting so much and isn’t that pleasant to be around. We love her dearly, but it’s such a struggle, she’s so strong willed.
Is this normal behaviour and how would you deal with it? Is she being spoilt, do we need to be stronger/stricter (Dp thinks so) or is this just her age etc?

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Roundandroundthejardim · 17/01/2022 21:30

Often she will shout back at me or say No if she’s asked/told to do something or that she can’t do/have something

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NYnewstart · 17/01/2022 21:31

Just be calm and consistent in never giving in to her tantrum. She should soon learn it’s pointless. If she doesn’t, then you can investigate other causes.
But don’t panic just yet.

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GoodnightGrandma · 17/01/2022 21:32

Oh yes, absolutely normal. It’s good practice for the teen years !

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legalseagull · 17/01/2022 21:32

I'm sorry but this sounds completely normal 3 year old behaviour to me!

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MichaelAndEagle · 17/01/2022 21:35

Oh god I had one like that. He's a lovely calm, chilled 14 year old now.
Just be calm and consistent. They'll grow out of it.

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LadyCleathStuart · 17/01/2022 21:36

Welcome to the threenage years.

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Branleuse · 17/01/2022 21:37

im not sure being stricter is going to stop a 3 year old from having a tantrum or a meltdown when theyve just been removed from a super fun activity and are both hungry and tired. Up to you to manage their food and sleep in order not to set them up to fail if your daughter is a bit highly strung at the moment.

Tbh I used to not let them go on the supermarket rides. One was never enough. Guaranteed to kick off.

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TheOccupier · 17/01/2022 21:37

Standard behaviour. 3yos don't generally do well in shopping centres, I never understand why people treat them as suitable places for a family outing. Crowds, fluorescent lights, noise, other kids screaming... just take her to the park.

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TheOccupier · 17/01/2022 21:39

And yes I agree with @Branleuse about the rides! Tell them it's broken and move them on swiftly Wink

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HardbackWriter · 17/01/2022 21:41

None of the others cried or screamed like that right then.

The other day a stranger told me that my three year old was amazingly well behaved in a coffee shop - and he was indeed just acting perfectly. I preened smugly and thanked them. 20 minutes later he was screaming and writhing about on the pavement in a tantrum - so that showed me for being smug! Blush

An essential rule of parenting is that at the exact moment yours are acting their worst every other child will suddenly behave beautifully, making yours look even more feral. She isn't unusual - most of them have their mad tyrant moments and the few that don't usually have some other issue (won't eat or won't sleep, can't bear to be away from mum, etc etc etc) that drives their parent wild with worry.

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Darbs76 · 17/01/2022 21:42

My DD had the worse tantrums. My mum used to say there was something wrong with her! She’s 14 next month and is a great teenager, doesn’t cause me any problems. So just be consistent and don’t give in and it will pass

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Mynameisnew · 17/01/2022 21:44

Have a look at the gentle parenting group on Facebook.

Mine is 3.5 and he has a strop when the telly goes off.

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N4ish · 17/01/2022 21:45

Totally normal! I learned my lesson and always avoided these kind of rides after one too many toddler meltdowns. The whole shopping centre experience is overstimulating even for adults, no wonder little kids can’t handle it.

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mathanxiety · 17/01/2022 21:45

The terrible threes are not misnamed .

Parents often feel their child should be better in social situations and better able to handle life's ups and downs because they are so much more verbal, probably potty trained, sitting at the table etc. But they are still very, very young at 3.5.

Don't attempt any outings when your DD is tired. Feed and water at predictable times.

Watch her cues and be prepared with quiet activities at home.

If she doesn't take a nap any more, she will still need quiet time when she lies on the couch or listens to music or colours or listens to a book on tape.

Biting needs to be dealt with every single time with a stern NO.

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Yerroblemom1923 · 17/01/2022 21:45

I think for a lot of kids "getting back to normal" after a season of gifts and treats it's a bit of a shock to the system when they hear "no" again and that they can't just have everything they want. My dd was always a bit more hard work after the festive season!

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Yerroblemom1923 · 17/01/2022 21:48

And yes, never leave the house without food or if it's nap time. Tired AND hungry is the worst combo for little ones - I know it's not always practical so always took fruit etc out with us but we tried to do morning stuff when she was at her best and as long as we were back for 2pm nap time all was generally well...

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ADialgaAteMyDog · 17/01/2022 21:49

My DC2 has behaved like this since 11 months and has a v weak bond with my parents because they can't handle it at all. He's much better now at 3.5 but still had a 30m screaming tantrum today about getting dressed. At one stage I just didn't take him anywhere as his behaviour was so bad. He's a lovely kid NT etc, just easily overwhelmed by his emotions. Hunger and tiredness added in make him extra irrational. She'll be fine!

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HardbackWriter · 17/01/2022 21:51

@Yerroblemom1923

I think for a lot of kids "getting back to normal" after a season of gifts and treats it's a bit of a shock to the system when they hear "no" again and that they can't just have everything they want. My dd was always a bit more hard work after the festive season!

Oh god yes. When he was 2.5 DS1 just wailed and wailed on boxing day when he discovered that there wouldn't be another stocking from father christmas that morning... This year was my nephew's turn, he was devastated that the advent calendar didn't turn out to be a permanent installation. It is hard for them, Christmas goes on so long that it does feel like it might just be the new way of things for them - and then it all goes away!
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CharlotteGoldenblattYork · 17/01/2022 21:51

I totally sympathise! My eldest DD was a tantrum queen until she was about 5. I was always the parent of 'that' child kicking off wherever we went, and everyone would stare.

I found it helped to pre empt and avoid any situations that might cause a tantrum. For example avoiding taking her to the supermarket and if I had to take her making sure she sat in the buggy or trolley with a snack and avoiding the sweets and toys aisles. And as others have mentioned on here, any rides we saw anywhere were always 'broken' 😂

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waterrat · 17/01/2022 21:53

Normal. And the idea that a 3 year old would just be content looking st lots of toys and would not ask for stuff because it was Christmas recently is unrealistic.

I don't even take my 7 and 9 Yr old to shopping centres if I can avoid it as they just ask for stuff.

One reason you don't see other kids crying is plenty of parents just avoid shops with toddlers! It's just not fun taking kids to places like that in my view.

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Roundandroundthejardim · 17/01/2022 21:53

The car was something she’d been asking for for ages and we needed to briefly nip in for some paint, it was early and quiet as I don’t like a busy Saturday morning at a shopping centre either 🙈
She wasn’t hungry as has snacks etc. She can be like this at home too, going to the fridge and declaring she wants something and when I say she can’t and can’t just go to the fridge without asking, she tries to shout me down! It’s such a battle at the moment, exhausting

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ItsAllAboutTheLighting · 17/01/2022 21:54

Ohhhh yeah. Mine were like this.

And it always always felt like they were the ones screaming while all the other kids and parents stared.

Why was it always mine?!

For what it's worth, the eldest one is now a hilarious, down to earth teenager now.

I'd like to think if you have hellish pre schoolers, you get to have nice teenagers (one can hope!).

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EsmeSusanOgg · 17/01/2022 21:54

My nearly 3.5 year old has been quite like this lately. I think a good chunk of it is the come down from Christmas.

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HangOnToYourself · 17/01/2022 21:55

Oh so painfully normal, three is hard.

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Roundandroundthejardim · 17/01/2022 21:57

I also feel my mum secretly thinks I’m not being strong enough with her as she subtly comments about DD’s ‘Strong character’ and how she doesn’t remember any of us being like this (I think she had a very easy time with us all)

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