None of the other kids cried or screamed like that

[Roundandroundthejardim]

Just want to check if my DD, 3.5’s behaviour seems normal and how you’d react if it was your child.
Took her on one of the those remote control cars at the shopping centre.
She had great fun and really enjoyed it…until it ended. Her dad reversed her into the car part and we said how fun it was, she was great at driving etc and it had finished now and we were off to get some nice lunch.
She screamed like I’ve not seen her do before, I had to get her out of the car, whilst she shouted and cried and proceeded to bite my shoulder. She then did the same as we were walking around a shop and she wouldn’t put a soft toy back, she has plenty of treats and it’s just been Xmas etc. Dp had to pick her up as she wouldn’t co operate, again she shouted and cried and tried to bite his shoulder.
Worth noting she was tired, but is that normal?! None of the other children reacted like that. Lately she just seems to be shouting so much and isn’t that pleasant to be around. We love her dearly, but it’s such a struggle, she’s so strong willed.
Is this normal behaviour and how would you deal with it? Is she being spoilt, do we need to be stronger/stricter (Dp thinks so) or is this just her age etc?

When they lose the plot when out and about what you want to do is perfect the surfboard hold. They go nice and rigid and you carry them under your arm, their little teeth and feet can't reach you. Smile at everyone as you pass while your furious horizontal child screams bloody murder

@stuntbubbles

My 2.75yo has just embraced this behaviour. Overnight from angel to demon. It definitely gets worse with tiredness, hunger, and any environment that isn’t just “large empty field for running about in”. We’ve more or less given up shops, cafes, museums, farms, any activity more stimulating than large empty field. Has the benefit of being cheap, which leaves more money for vast quantities of gin.

Yeah all that stuff is total bollocks. Nature is the perfect regulator for crazy little kids. Stimulating but calming at the same time, good for their eyesight, helps them sleep, is free. Any old park/field/beach/forest/playground will do as long as it's outside.

Well my 2 year old will let everyone know when he hasn't got something his own way. We call it the silly salmon. I just wait whilst he rolls himself around the floor like a fish out of water.

He doesn't bite. He'll go hysterical and you can't calm him down either. It's just toddler behaviour.

Just like everyone else I’ve come to say it’s unfortunately it’s entirely normal.

The other children you saw probably fell to the floor, seething sobbing and biting because they had the blue plate not the green one, or because they had to share toys with their cousin or any of the other things 3 year olds perceive as injustices. You aren’t alone. I honestly think being “strict” will just exacerbate things. Children don’t rationalise things the way adults do. Calm patient clear boundaries, distractions, try to keep the afternoon nap if you can and never forget the power of snacks!

My gran tells me my dad had awful tantrums, which is hilarious as he's the least likely person you could imagine to have a tantrum! Whenever she tells stories about it, he looks shamefaced

I've had to carry a kicking and screaming DD out of soft play at closing time as she didn't want to go, wrestle her into car seat and then cry all the way home while she screamed in the back. It's horrible but they just can't regulate their emotions properly and sometimes you just get a perfect storm that leads to disaster. DD is always very clingy after a tantrum and just wants cuddles and closeness, so I don't think it's nice for her either!

Also you're always judged as soon as your child makes a noise.

We were on the bus about two stops always from our house and DS decided to have a moment crying because I wouldn't let him get off the seat. Women in front tutted and shook her head. I was so angry. One woman got off the bus at the same stop and actually stopped me to say that she felt sorry for me because when they're like that you can't stop them.

A little bit of appreciation and non judgemental comments go along way.

Three is a bugger. My DD15 was a nightmare at that age. She got nicer from about 4 onwards. She's now mostly collected with the odd teenage strop, so, normal.

Yup normal. Suck it up (never give in though- let them strop) we’ve all been there

Oh god I’m glad I’m childless lol
But really op you sound like a great parent she is just a little madam throwing tantrums, just ignore them. We always did with the little ones in our family, they turned out semi okay

This thread has made me feel so much better.

I am in the midst of this with DC2. Christmas completely overwhelmed him and he lost his mind for the entire time we had visitors. Fortunately/unfortunately he keeps the majority of his tantrums for at home. Some days I literally only have to look at him (apparently he's playing a hiding game) and he loses the plot completely. He is jusr a tiny little bundle of absolurely massive emotions at the moment. I was really starting to wonder if there was something bigger going on. So to hear its normal is a relief.

DC1 could always be cuddled through a tantrum but no chance with DC2. I never cave to the screaming, try to ignore it and tell him that I am here for a cuddle when he's ready. I have to confesss though I can't always stay calm when it feels like he's done nothing but scream all day (I also have a baby so sleep deprivation helps nothing).

I do think/hope he is starting to regulate a bit as I've noticed lately that he runs off to somewhere quiet, rolls up in a ball and screams to himself until he calms down. Then comes back for a cuddle. It breaks my heart but if I try to talk to him/cuddle him/tell him to take deep breaths etc, it just prolongs the whole thing.

Mine doesn’t go rigid, it’s not in her repertoire. She only does cirque du soleil.

My DD was at her worst when she was 3, she's a teenager now, so that says something.

I know it's easy to say, just be consist, and calm. Every time you go back on what you say, you make it 100x worse. Her df used to make ridiculous threats when she started, such as 'if you don't behave you won't go on holiday tomorrow' (when we were due to go abroad). So she never really listened to him as she knew what he said was bs.

Mine both did that.
The most trying time was if they spotted an ice cream van. Honestly, no wonder I'm bald. two young kids throwing a huge tantrum.

My 4 yo has been much worse for this lately. They were actually quite chilled at 2-3 but now they have so much more awareness of life and its possibilities that managing them is more difficult . They also don't sleep well and don't nap so there's definitely a lot of tiredness there too. DC knows you can go into a toy shop and choose and buy a toy, they know where the toy aisle in the supermarket is, they're old enough to remember and express their activity preferences (swimming, soft play, a particular park or playground), even if it's not something we can do that day. And they are so strong-willed and hate, hate, hate not getting their own way.

DC was also very spoiled over Christmas with lots of presents and trips out with us and grandparents (trampolining, craft workshops, new playgrounds, light shows, Santa trips) so coming down to earth and going back to our normal routines has been quite difficult. They're really struggling with the idea that treats and new toys are occasional things and don't happen all the time. Last week's low was a 30 minute screaming tantrum over a new toy being refused.

@Goldbar

My 4 yo has been much worse for this lately. They were actually quite chilled at 2-3 but now they have so much more awareness of life and its possibilities that managing them is more difficult . They also don't sleep well and don't nap so there's definitely a lot of tiredness there too. DC knows you can go into a toy shop and choose and buy a toy, they know where the toy aisle in the supermarket is, they're old enough to remember and express their activity preferences (swimming, soft play, a particular park or playground), even if it's not something we can do that day. And they are so strong-willed and hate, hate, hate not getting their own way.

DC was also very spoiled over Christmas with lots of presents and trips out with us and grandparents (trampolining, craft workshops, new playgrounds, light shows, Santa trips) so coming down to earth and going back to our normal routines has been quite difficult. They're really struggling with the idea that treats and new toys are occasional things and don't happen all the time. Last week's low was a 30 minute screaming tantrum over a new toy being refused.

Same here. 4yo is making our lives he'll at the moment. Last night I was kicked, punched, spat at and nipped all because bath time had to end. Also happens when out and about. Not just at home.

I didn’t have one like this until number 5. Number 3 and 4 were very very calm and compliant. Totally thought I’d had
Parenting cracked.
Number 5 is a firebrand. What you’ve described is a standard outing. She’s calming down now but still forceful and challenging. She loving too, passionate about life and very popular and social. She just has very poor emotional regulation still and doesn’t hold back getting what she wants.

@stuntbubbles

Mine doesn’t go rigid, it’s not in her repertoire. She only does cirque du soleil.

. Mine does a good line in screeching like a tortured fox. As loud as they can. Specifically to draw all eyes to us. I thumb my phone and act nonchalant but it's hard sometimes when I would quite like put my headphones in and walk away like I would if plagued by an annoying chugger.

On the tyrant theme, DC also does a good line in telling me what do. So I'll say we're going to one park and they'll say, "No Mummy, we're going here instead". That irritates me hugely but, since I don't really care which park or playground we go to, I'm focusing on teaching them to re-phrase it politely - "Mummy, would you mind if we went here instead?" Then I can give in with a relatively good grace.

My dd was like a demon tornado from 2-4.. she's, most of the time, the most placid and we'll behaved kid you'll ever meet now! People don't believe me when I say I used to get followed by security guards / random people, because they thought I was kidnapping her 😂

Normal. We had a hands are not for hitting book. Adapted the story to a teeth are not for biting people. Worked quite well but she wasn’t really a biter maybe (bit only once) but did hit when tiny (thankfully not other kids). Also added in hands are not for pulling hair. Also setting expectations help eg we are leaving the park soon, 5 minutes left, 2 minutes left, thank you park, (or that was fun what did u like best when older),we will come again park etc. Honestly I avoid supermarkets and shopping centres unless it’s to buy kids shoes etc. And unfortunately the old modelling good behaviour, so staying all serene and jollying them along and pretending the tantrum wasn’t happening. Just rejoice that they are confident enough to have epic tantrums with you (their safe person) and think this too will pass. Offering a sip of water seemed to help too sometimes saying Let’s have a drink of water to stop the crying- it kind of gave them a get out clause for stopping the tantrum. See what strategies work for you (but often nothing works).

they are called Threenager for a reason.
Next are the Fuck off Fours and Fuck it Fives ime

The best thing to do is to prepare her for the end - so say the ride is 5 minutes long then let her know (very calmly) when there is two minutes left, then one minute, then 30 seconds and then that it is time to park. If she is prepared for the end it may be easier for her to accept it. Don't give into the tantrum though if she doesn't want to accept it. Just stay calm and consistent and move on.

Also instead of just saying no try explaining why it's not possible and when it will be possible (if it will in the future). So instead of saying 'no we're not going to the park' say 'we can't go to the park today as we have to get home to make dinner but tomorrow we can go to the park'.

This is how I got through the preschool years with a child with ASD!

We're right in the midst of this too (DD turned 3 a few months ago). We have multiple sessions of her screaming "NO NO NO" at the top of her voice, sobbing, flinging herself on the ground etc - and last weekend had 2 that both lasted about an hour and a half.
We know tiredness is a huge contributing factor but she absolutely refuses to nap since Christmas time - and in fact any suggestion of a nap kicks off another hour or so of screaming.
It is just relentless. And like others I'd been starting to worry there was something else going on so its a relief to hear its normal and we're not the only ones going through it.

Oh yes and 'people are not for biting' ad infinitum- I'd get her some kind of chew toy or necklace and tell her she can bite on that but not people.

Oh another thing - bread sticks. Carry them everywhere.

@Roundandroundthejardim

I also feel my mum secretly thinks I’m not being strong enough with her as she subtly comments about DD’s ‘Strong character’ and how she doesn’t remember any of us being like this (I think she had a very easy time with us all)

I’m sorry I can’t help as my kids didn’t do that. Well my DS threw himself on the floor in Blockbuster and we stepped over him because really? But I think the reason why you think this is unusual is because of comments like those from your mum. It leads you to comparing behaviours. Which, when you think about it is unfair. Your DD is an individual, her reactions are that of an individual. There is a key to managing her behaviour and with trial and error you will find it.

Try not to worry so much how it looks to others and manage your child with time and love. Good luck

PS for the record my Dniece and Dnephew are completely different in behaviour to my DS and DD. Their still lovely, just need to be handled differently. I trust you’ll find your way.