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Original poster

None of the other kids cried or screamed like that

128 replies

Roundandroundthejardim · 17/01/2022 21:28

Just want to check if my DD, 3.5’s behaviour seems normal and how you’d react if it was your child.
Took her on one of the those remote control cars at the shopping centre.
She had great fun and really enjoyed it…until it ended. Her dad reversed her into the car part and we said how fun it was, she was great at driving etc and it had finished now and we were off to get some nice lunch.
She screamed like I’ve not seen her do before, I had to get her out of the car, whilst she shouted and cried and proceeded to bite my shoulder. She then did the same as we were walking around a shop and she wouldn’t put a soft toy back, she has plenty of treats and it’s just been Xmas etc. Dp had to pick her up as she wouldn’t co operate, again she shouted and cried and tried to bite his shoulder.
Worth noting she was tired, but is that normal?! None of the other children reacted like that. Lately she just seems to be shouting so much and isn’t that pleasant to be around. We love her dearly, but it’s such a struggle, she’s so strong willed.
Is this normal behaviour and how would you deal with it? Is she being spoilt, do we need to be stronger/stricter (Dp thinks so) or is this just her age etc?

OP posts:
surreygirl1987 · 17/01/2022 22:00

My 3 year old is like this. I do frequently wonder if this is normal. His tantrums are so bad and it seems like he's the only child in the world to have them (clearly not, judging by this thread!!)

MiniPumpkin · 17/01/2022 22:01

My 3 nearly 4 yr old was having a fall out with her friend at the park - chasing each other and moaning for the chasing to stop. Then she fell Over. She was so frustrated/angry she screamed Aaaaahhhhh at the top of her voice for like 5 secs. It was a real angry scream almost like her eyes were going to pop out. I was a fronted initially but they need to let the emotions go..

Twitterwhooooo · 17/01/2022 22:03

My dd was very much like this at 3. She's now a pretty together 14 year old (most of the time).

Tiredness definitely makes it worse. Post-Xmas when you're too young to really understand what it was about and that it will happen again. Being overwhelmed by the full on-ness of life for young children these days.

I remember finding some parts of 'The Spirited Child' quite helpful - like 'planning for success' eg not doing anything spontaneous if they can't cope with it.

ChaosMoon · 17/01/2022 22:03

It's her job to test boundaries. It's your job to lovingly enforce them. I find it really helps me to acknowledge that DD is doing what she's supposed to when she acts like this - and then not give an inch.

Piglet89 · 17/01/2022 22:04

@MiniPumpkin I’m 40 and I sometimes wish I could do this….

ChaosMoon · 17/01/2022 22:04

Oh, and I suspect your mum has a selective memory.

Twitterwhooooo · 17/01/2022 22:04

Re: shouting - have you had her ears checked?

Glue ear is common in young children, and not quite being able to hear everything clearly and not realising that you can't is incredibly frustrating.

As is not being listened to Grin.

Bitbloweyoutthere · 17/01/2022 22:05

The other week, I walked my model behaved, smiling, pre teen past a young couple, growing increasingly frustrated and embarrassed that their toddler was refusing to walk along the pavement and blocking the path.

I smiled at them, pointed at dd and said:"she was exactly the same. Only she used to pull her hat over her eyes so we couldn't see her. "

I'll never forget the utter panic and frustration at not being able to get a small child to do as they're told in public. And usually while you're still exhausted by lack of sleep and carrying them places.

DeadButDelicious · 17/01/2022 22:07

You have a perfectly normal 3 year old! Three is a really hard age, shan't lie, four for us wasn't much fun either. The meltdowns my DD had were quite the sight to behold. Shopping centres were a big trigger for her come to think of it. Very stimulating environment for them all the bright lights and chatter and toys.

She's 5 now and much more pleasant to be around. It does pass.

Peachyqueen · 17/01/2022 22:08

Thank you for starting this thread OP. I also have a 3.5yr old and he is stubborn, bloody minded and a tendency to scream if he doesn't get his way - fun, isn't it!! We've had his "objectives" from nursery today which were basically "learn to sit still and stay there for more than 5 seconds". You are most definitely not alone! Flowers

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 17/01/2022 22:09

Sounds quite normal to me. They’re not all like it, of course, but plenty are and it’s not cause for concern. I’m not saying allow it by any means, but you don’t have to start worrying about her.

I agree with pp that the best this is to be calm and consistent.

BlackeyedSusan · 17/01/2022 22:10

@NYnewstart

Just be calm and consistent in never giving in to her tantrum. She should soon learn it’s pointless. If she doesn’t, then you can investigate other causes. But don’t panic just yet.
This. Unless there are other Warning signs, no need to worry.

They are called threenagers for a reason...

...and then there is the fearsome fours...

sorry

Strawberry0909 · 17/01/2022 22:10

Oh yes my 3year old DS can be like this, I thought we'd got lucky no terrible 2s to speak of but my lord we are paying for that now! I just (try!) to keep calm and stand firm and find a distraction if possible

Wnikat · 17/01/2022 22:11

Stopping the activity caused a sudden drop in dopamine. You need to bring her back into the world gradually before stopping the activity. It’s not her fault and it’s not weird.

MiniPumpkin · 17/01/2022 22:14

@Piglet89 me too… she just get the rage from me .. Grin

BlackeyedSusan · 17/01/2022 22:16

Oh and why the fuck are you getting the bitey end anywhere near skin after the first time...

Watch out for the kicking, scratching, headbutting as well.

Improve your removing technique.

Develop your rhino hide skin to not care..

Pretend that the kicking screaming bundle under your left arm is nothing at all to do with you...

And for god's sake keep the bitey end away from your bum...freshly minted teeth are sharp and fucking hurt... (Learned quickly after that)

stuntbubbles · 17/01/2022 22:18

My 2.75yo has just embraced this behaviour. Overnight from angel to demon. It definitely gets worse with tiredness, hunger, and any environment that isn’t just “large empty field for running about in”. We’ve more or less given up shops, cafes, museums, farms, any activity more stimulating than large empty field. Has the benefit of being cheap, which leaves more money for vast quantities of gin.

Gilead · 17/01/2022 22:18

It’s normal. I had one who would throw himself on the floor in shops if he didn’t get his own way. I used to sit down and not say anything until he finished.

Eileen101 · 17/01/2022 22:21

Goodness me, so normal.

My 3, almost 4 year old is the same. Easily overwhelmed with a busy environment. I take the approach of don't leave the house when tired unless absolutely unavoidable, and always take snacks for bribery/encouragement..
I'm glad of this thread, we've had a fair bit of this since the Christmas period ended (many naps were had in the day rather than a regular week of being at nursery) and I was starting to wonder whether we should be out of this by now

Gilead · 17/01/2022 22:21

Just like to point out to a few posters; it’s not a meltdown, it’s a tantrum unless your child is autistic.
Thank you, the language used can make life a little easier for those of us who are autistic or have family who are. 💐

beneaththeradar · 17/01/2022 22:21

As Pp have said, calm and consistent.

One of mine had the most horrendous tantrums as a small child (off the scale - with Aspergers thrown in for good measure).

Same child was the a dream teenager who never really caused a minute's bother, and is now a delightful, funny and agreeable adult.

Others who were easy small children were nightmare teenagers. Still in the midst of it with the youngest, who was the easiest child ever born!

LarryandLeon · 17/01/2022 22:21

Sounds exactly like my daughter! I feel your pain- it is exhausting.

liveforsummer · 17/01/2022 22:21

Normal, my 8 year old still forgets her self and tried this sometimes although now you can reason. At 3 there was no reasoning to be had

GrandRapids · 17/01/2022 22:23

Mine was disgusting at this age. It passed. He's awesome now at 7.

foxgoosefinch · 17/01/2022 22:24

Totally normal!