To wish I had been thinner when younger?

[Onceiwasfat]

So this is a really stupid thread but I’ll put it out there anyway. It’s not a TAAT but I just saw a post by someone my age (41) who used to cover Miss Sixty clothes.

I started gaining weight at about 16. I was probably around 11/11 and a half stone until I was 18. Then when I went away to university I slammed it on and was over 14 and a half stone. I was nearly 25 before I lost it and got down to 11 and a half.

I’ve only been below 10 and a half twice when I was ill.

It’s stupid really as in the scheme of things it’s not important. I have a lovely life, a job I like (sometimes) gorgeous kids but I do wish I’d been slimmer and more attractive when younger.

OK now flame me

Honestly OP, you would still have been self conscious and unhappy with your body if you had been thin as a whippet. I was and I had no confidence about how I looked - it is called adolescence and it sucks no matter what size you are.

But I’m not talking about my confidence.

@ComtesseDeSpair

Perfectly understandable. Though I reckon if you’d been slim, you’d still have felt held back by something else. ‘Tis the nature of youth, you never fully utilise it. I’ve always been slim, but definitely wish I’d had more confidence when I was young, been braver, spoken up for myself more. I do try to make up for it nowadays, though
^^^^^^
I could have wrote this word for word.
But remember Op it's never too late.
It's today that's count. This moment.
So make it count.

@Santahasjoinedww

I used to be 8 stone.. Now 12. Wish I had never been skinny. It's depressing knowing I am now over the hill and fat with it.

This is exactly what I was about to say! It depresses me.

I was skinny as a teen and all the way up to my 40s. Talking 6 to 8 stone. Wasn't any happier as I was always down about not having any boobs (I was flat as a pancake).

I think it's about being confident about who you are as an individual. This has definitely increased in me with age as I had very little confidence in the way I looked when I was younger. I'm not 11st (I would maybe prefer to loss a st or so if I'm honest. But far happier with myself now then in my 20s)

I'm also pregnant with my first and am worried that this is the start of me just getting bigger and bigger as my mum never lost the weight after she had me and my sister and has always struggled with it since, despite being very slim beforehand. I like to think I'll try and be healthy and lose the lbs after baby is here but I'm not convinced since I haven't even mastered that without a baby wearing me out!

I was at my silmest and arguably my most beautiful between my pregnancies (loads of exercise virtually no alcohol, knocked the fags on the head).

I agree that age can bring greater confidence and self acceptance, but i also think its important to remember how much easier it is to be larger today than in the times the OP is referring to. Size is no barrier to finding clothes in whatever style takes your fancy. No one looks agast at belly rolls in crop tops. Big hips and bums are the height of fashion. When I was two stone heavier two years ago and in the overweight category I could fit a size 10 and was referred to as 'slim'. Self acceptance is so much easier at a larger size now the goal posts have shifted, which is fantastic. But back then it was not the same, and being bigger did lead to a different experience of many aspects of life. I think its quite important to acknowledge that actually, and recognise the progress made so we don't slip back.

you could be slimmer and more attractive now though? It's never too late to glow up and 41 is still young Imo.

I think I get what you mean. The clothes you couldn't wear because they didn't make them in your size, the photos you didn't have taken, how self conscious you felt. Lots more obviously and if we could go back in time we could do differently. I have since learned that I have a minor musculoskeletal problem that made exercising hard and had I known I could have done something to ameliorate it, just thought I was unathletic.
I also regret spending so long with an abusive husband, so tend to pin my regrets on that which isn't helpful for you I know. Hugs to you x

Yes. I was never skinny like my friends. I was a 10-12. I wish I was thinner back then. I'm actually the same now. I'm currently fasting 5:2, to try and be leaner. I'm almost 40 and want to be skinny for a change.

I was a plump-ish size 14 when young, lost weight in my early 40s and have been a slim size 8-10 ever since. Yes, I regret not being slim when I was younger, a bit. But I regret more that I didn't stand up for myself at work or with a non-commital ex BF it took me years to leave. I think being marginally overweight probably fed into lack of self-esteem, so it is relevant. I hope it's different for younger women but suspect not.

Probably because we were teens right smack in the middle of heroine chic?

No curves allowed!
Men told they weren’t to like curves
Say what you want about the karadashians-they brought the fuller figure back into vogue!
Remember when Christina Aguilera was rail thin? And then in her late 20s she put weight on and everyone was shocked!?
As a child , I wasn’t petite like my friends and I was aware of that. DM mentioned I had chunky thighs so I spent about 12 years refusing to wear jeans etc. ( they were fine- I look back and ask myself wtf was I thinking!?)

Fuck it. It’s done now, OP.At least you aren’t at home starving yourself !
Look forward and be the best you can be ( emotionally and healthily !)
My only regrets about my youth is : I wish I had more money to look good and better makeup lol.

*also weight to height /BMI can Fuck off too . I had a baby and weigh LESS than I did when I for got pregnant and still can’t get into my original jeans as I’m unfit/untoned but was in much better shape before clearly! Heavier!!

@DonaPatrizia

I was a plump-ish size 14 when young, lost weight in my early 40s and have been a slim size 8-10 ever since. Yes, I regret not being slim when I was younger, a bit. But I regret more that I didn't stand up for myself at work or with a non-commital ex BF it took me years to leave. I think being marginally overweight probably fed into lack of self-esteem, so it is relevant. I hope it's different for younger women but suspect not.

I think being marginally and even quite a bit overweight is very different for younger women today. Young women, where I live anyway, are typically much bigger than their 90s counterparts and much bigger than a lot of older women. You frequently see mums who are dwarfed by their daughters, in height and in body size. Weight is not seen as a barrier to being attractive anymore. My adult DSs female friends are almost all objectively overweight, yet are considered very glamorous and 'hot'. The focus seems to be a lot more on hair make up and nails than body shape.

If I look at photos of my 20s and early 30s, I was slim, attractive and just glowing. But, I was so insecure,felt so ugly and had such low self esteem it really did me no good and was totally wasted. Now I'm early 40s, certainly not particularly attractive, just ok I'd say,pretty aged and not glowing anymore. I also don't get a second look. BUT....working on my self esteem and prioritising my needs has made such a huge difference that I feel better now than I ever did about myself, and I don't look that great in all honesty compared to what I did. I get the sense that things are a bit humdrum, you're prob feeling unfulfilled and it sounds like your self esteem isn't that great. If your kids are very young still, it's hard to do anything for yourself and of course you will feel a bit down in yourself and possibly your appearance will be the focus. It is not too late to feel fantastic, with the weight on or off. If you can find time for yourself to do what makes you feel alive ( separate from your kids), it may be a good start. There's a whole life ahead of you and the kids won't always be so dependant. With age you can find the real confidence and self assuredness that comes with age, knowing yourself and being clear in your boundaries and what you need. There's loads of hope for you to feel better going forward than you ever might have felt looking back. x

I voted YABU because I think you're being awfully harsh on your younger self! Sounds so cheesy but you're the woman you are today with a secure life and loving family because of all the experiences you had (at whatever size) when you were younger. None of us have any idea what our lives might have turned out like if something (either within our outwith our control) in our earlier years had been different. Maybe you managed to avoid shallow losers and superficial time wasters!! 😀

I’m grateful to those who do understand. I will admit I am really rolling my eyes at those who insist actually, it’s so much worse for them because they know what it’s like to be beautiful, whereas for me I don’t. Can you hear yourselves?

@Mumkins42 no, that really isn’t it at all. My life is not any more or less ‘humdrum’ than it would be if I was single without kids: despite what MN thinks, single women in their 40s aren’t clubbing in Ibiza any more than married women with children are. I can only repeat, I’m not posting about now. I’m not asking for weight loss advice, wanting to ‘feel fantastic’, wanting reassurance that 41 is the new 21 or any of those things. I’m talking about my life and something I lost.

Your only 41 that is young!

I’m not posting about now. Why is this so difficult to understand?

I'm 41 and I want to be slimmer like I was years ago and I'm doing my best to make it happen.Ive joined a gym and I'm trying to eat healthier.

@Onceiwasfat I understand how you feel but not why you are so angry with posters sharing their, sometimes different, experiences.
They might not be trying to make you feel better, if you even want that, they are just expressing their truth. Why the rage?

I’m not at all angry. I’m simply repeating my points

I am not seeking diet advice, asking on how to lose weight now, wanting people who were slim and beautiful when young to tell me how much worse it is for them or to be told that I am still young. It is reasonable to point those things out and does not mean I am ‘angry.’

I mean - really, where have you extrapolated ‘rage’ from?

Sorry @Onceiwasfat it came across angry, maybe frustrated is a better word. My bad, internet communication, nuance and all that

@Onceiwasfat

I mean - really, where have you extrapolated ‘rage’ from?

I’m shit at quoting but the raised eyebrow emoji, the barely suppressed exasperation in your rhetorical questions, the eye rolling would all point to you feeling pretty negative and annoyed.