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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish I had been thinner when younger?

169 replies

Onceiwasfat · 17/01/2022 13:01

So this is a really stupid thread but I’ll put it out there anyway. It’s not a TAAT but I just saw a post by someone my age (41) who used to cover Miss Sixty clothes.

I started gaining weight at about 16. I was probably around 11/11 and a half stone until I was 18. Then when I went away to university I slammed it on and was over 14 and a half stone. I was nearly 25 before I lost it and got down to 11 and a half.

I’ve only been below 10 and a half twice when I was ill.

It’s stupid really as in the scheme of things it’s not important. I have a lovely life, a job I like (sometimes) gorgeous kids but I do wish I’d been slimmer and more attractive when younger.

OK now flame me Grin

OP posts:
Namechange466 · 17/01/2022 17:41

A bit confused by your replies OP

You have asked a question and people who are saying YABU are doing so for reasons such as they were attractive in the past and it didn’t make them happier, or they are saying there’s no need to focus on what could have been in the past hence YABU for having these thoughts

You have asked an AIBU but can’t seem to accept people’s replies and in fact keep berating people’s responses

I don’t think anyone has been rude in the slightest - just given their honest and vulnerable responses back

Darbs76 · 17/01/2022 17:43

You’re 41 not 81, still time

VelmaandShaggy · 17/01/2022 17:43

I wish I was thinner now, in the past and most likely in the future! But I don't let it detract from my essential enjoyment of my life

blueshoes · 17/01/2022 18:00

@coogee

Thank you for informing me of that @coogee. I would never have known without your coming onto the thread to state this.

I wasn’t informing you.

Coogee, don't be a dick. It is not attractive, whatever your weight is.
ThePinkTeapot · 17/01/2022 18:01

I used to think I was fat when I was younger. I look at old photos now and realise I was nuts - I was anything but fat!

EssexLioness · 17/01/2022 18:01

I can understand why you feel that way. I am 44 been overweight / obese most of my adult life. But when I was at uni I was tiny. But I also had terrible hair and make up was a bit of a disaster. I was clueless and had no money for nice clothes so despite being thin, most photos of me from then are absolutely hideous. I also didn’t see myself in the way I do now. I still thought I was fat, which was ridiculous, but it also meant I hid away in baggy clothes. So being slim isn’t necessarily all it’s cracked up to be.
Aged 41, I started to lose weight, very slowly, but I have kept it off and changed my habits for good. I still have a little to lose but lost over 3 stone. I have a pretty nice figure now (clothed at least), nice hair, make up that suits me and better taste in clothes. I honestly look much better than I did when I was younger and am much more confident.
If you are unhappy, it is never too late to change

stamina · 17/01/2022 18:06

There was a thread a couple of days ago that demonstrated quite well that being overweight and/or unfit was not the worst feature a person could have. Some of the fit/slim people were convinced people were jealous of them, when they were simply vain and superior-feeling, completely lacking in compassion and human kindness.
Being overweight and unfit is really not the worst thing to be, and it is sad that people feel bad about themselves.

As PPs said, draw a line. I read something nice by Fern Cotton today (who I don't normally like) saying that she is no longer carrying around the burden of her past life with her. Let it go and move forward, looking to the future not the past.

flippertyop · 17/01/2022 18:07

Concentrate on doing it now. I looked back on some pictures yesterday and I look better in my mid 40s than I did 10 years earlier because despite a few more wrinkles my weight is better, my clothes are better, my hair is better etc etc. it's never too late

Ionlydomassiveones · 17/01/2022 18:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

waterlego · 17/01/2022 18:13

I think there will always be something we wish we could have changed.

I was slim as a youngster and am still slim in middle age. But I wish I’d looked after my teeth better. I wish I hadn’t had hormonal acne for such a long time. I wish I hadn’t smoked for so long or got so much sun on my face, as I don’t like the resulting wrinkles.

And while I was a slim youngster, I wasn’t physically fit. I was naturally slim and partied hard which kept the weight off, but I didn’t have much muscle. I discovered a love of exercise later in life and seeing what my body can do now when I push it, I can’t help but think of what I could have achieved if I’d worked out when I was 20. I could have had some beautiful muscles!

I can’t change it now though. Can only gently persuade my teen DCs to look after their teeth, do regular exercise, use plenty of SPF and steer clear of smoking!

JeshusHChr · 17/01/2022 19:30

@Onceiwasfat

But I’m not posting about my traumatic experiences, *@JeshusHChr* and nor am I suggesting other people should share theirs. I am sorry for what you went through but trying to stop me talking about it because you went through something you perceive to be worse is really unfair.
Dear God woman I am not trying to stop you talking. What an absurd accusation. I was sharing what I believe to be a relevant experience of myself and others in the belief there was a possibility it might provide a helpful perspective.

If all you wanted was total validation of how you feel for you to wallow in, then maybe you needed to make that explicit in your OP.

JeshusHChr · 17/01/2022 19:31

@Namechange466

A bit confused by your replies OP

You have asked a question and people who are saying YABU are doing so for reasons such as they were attractive in the past and it didn’t make them happier, or they are saying there’s no need to focus on what could have been in the past hence YABU for having these thoughts

You have asked an AIBU but can’t seem to accept people’s replies and in fact keep berating people’s responses

I don’t think anyone has been rude in the slightest - just given their honest and vulnerable responses back

Quite.
JaceLancs · 17/01/2022 19:40

I have yo yod all my life diet wise and look back with occasional regrets
Don’t know if this helps at all but one great advantage when you are older (for me anyway) is I can afford better quality clothes to make the most of it!

esloquehay · 17/01/2022 19:47

Not really sure why you bothered posting, OP, as you have picked holes in most people's responses. 🤷

Mummadeze · 17/01/2022 20:20

I felt fat when I was thin. I was never happy with my weight. Now I am fat, I feel thin-ish even though I know I am not. I think my mind tricks me to stop me feeling awful about it. Basically, I find it impossible to ever feel okay about my body and my weight. So I sympathise. But try not to dwell on the past as you have control over the future.

Emerald5hamrock · 17/01/2022 20:25

I hope you were less grumpy too.

Original poster
Onceiwasfat · 17/01/2022 20:26

@Emerald5hamrock

I hope you were less grumpy too.
Do you feel very clever, now?
OP posts:
ColourMeExhausted · 17/01/2022 20:27

I do get what you mean OP. Not so much in terms of weight (although as a tall size 12/14 teenager I always felt fatter than my friends) but I felt very unattractive during my teenage years and well into my twenties, thinking about it. It was only mid 20s onwards that I began to like how I looked, and properly blossomed in my 30s (now in my 40s and my looks are going!)

Like you, I felt like no boy would be interested in me and being bullied at school didn't help with that. I wore a lot if black and baggy clothes to hide myself.

Not sure I regret it exactly...but I do feel sad for the incredibly insecure girl that I was. And I wish I'd had the confidence to make the most of my youth. It has left its scars...something reminded me of a name I used to get called the other day and it just triggered the pain and feeling of worthlessness. I compare myself to others way too much, and I know it's a legacy of my younger years.

OniferousWasp · 17/01/2022 20:28

I don’t understand wishing you were slimmer and more attractive in the past. Unless you wanted to be a model and couldn’t get the job or something like that.
Why waste energy on that? Why not just concentrate on being your best for the future?

I can’t say Yabu though as some seem to be able to relate

Original poster
Onceiwasfat · 17/01/2022 20:32

why waste energy on that

You have said above you “don’t understand” me. In turn, I don’t understand these sorts of posts. Feelings are largely involuntary. Of course, I don’t tend to ruminate at length on matters and usually I am too busy to do so. However, from time to time, I will think about my past and I will realise there are certain things that I regret. My weight is one of these things.

Stating that is not ‘grumpy’, nor is it grumpy to explain I am not seeking weight loss advice in the present.

I am allowed to share my feelings. Regardless of whether you understand them, or not. Others have, and that’s enough, for me, right now.

OP posts:
ColourMeExhausted · 17/01/2022 20:42

Because feeling deeply unattractive as a young girl/woman does affect how you feel in adulthood @OniferousWasp. School is a battleground and if you're the ugly 'freak' one, it's even worse. Yes, certainly I'm very grateful for all I have now and appreciate that I have had a stage in life of feeling beautiful and desired. But I can't help feel sadness about those teenage years. I would have loved to have a teenage romance like some of my friends enjoyed! I used to have the most intense crushes on boys but didn't dare even look directly at them, never mind speak to them Grin And like it or not, it's influenced the woman I have become. Is it rational? Hell no...but unless you've been bullied over how you look, I'm not sure you can ever fully understand (and even if you have, it affects everyone differently).

OP, I understand where you are coming from..

OniferousWasp · 17/01/2022 20:58

@ColourMeExhausted

Because feeling deeply unattractive as a young girl/woman does affect how you feel in adulthood *@OniferousWasp*. School is a battleground and if you're the ugly 'freak' one, it's even worse. Yes, certainly I'm very grateful for all I have now and appreciate that I have had a stage in life of feeling beautiful and desired. But I can't help feel sadness about those teenage years. I would have loved to have a teenage romance like some of my friends enjoyed! I used to have the most intense crushes on boys but didn't dare even look directly at them, never mind speak to them Grin And like it or not, it's influenced the woman I have become. Is it rational? Hell no...but unless you've been bullied over how you look, I'm not sure you can ever fully understand (and even if you have, it affects everyone differently).

OP, I understand where you are coming from..

@ColourMeExhausted thank you for taking the time to explain. It’s not something I can relate to at all. My teenage years were very different.

I’m sorry you’re were tough but it’s good to know that you’re in a better place.

OniferousWasp · 17/01/2022 21:06

*yours

Rno3gfr · 17/01/2022 21:17

Slim isn’t everything. I’m 24 years old and I’ve always been a size 6-8 (Although a size 10 for 6 months after having my son). I still feel horrendously unattractive and I have bad skin and teeth. Slimness does not equal attractiveness, believe me!

Emerald5hamrock · 17/01/2022 21:25

I apologise for the grumpy comment.

You're entitled to mourn for something you missed out on, the extra weight wasn't your making, obesity happens for so many reasons most out of your control as a teenager, you suffered the consequences.

DD has a pal who is very overweight she always has been, she will miss out on opportunities other girls take for granted.
She is 13 stone age 13.

I'm sorry for not reading between the lines, it's lost time.

You vent away at the past I've had my moments of past rage for different issues.

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