To wish I had been thinner when younger?

[Onceiwasfat]

So this is a really stupid thread but I’ll put it out there anyway. It’s not a TAAT but I just saw a post by someone my age (41) who used to cover Miss Sixty clothes.

I started gaining weight at about 16. I was probably around 11/11 and a half stone until I was 18. Then when I went away to university I slammed it on and was over 14 and a half stone. I was nearly 25 before I lost it and got down to 11 and a half.

I’ve only been below 10 and a half twice when I was ill.

It’s stupid really as in the scheme of things it’s not important. I have a lovely life, a job I like (sometimes) gorgeous kids but I do wish I’d been slimmer and more attractive when younger.

OK now flame me

@5128gap

How did you see the thread going OP? What were you looking for?

I think it’s an interesting discussion but as I explained in my OP, it stemmed from a completely harmless different thread. The OP there was looking back to a time when she wore certain types of clothes.

Coming on a thread like this to say - ooh, I know exactly what you mean but even though I was nothing like you and I was very thin and pretty but I didn’t really appreciate it so really we are the same - do you not think that lacks a bit of sensitivity and tact?

Of course, people are free to say it, but I am also at liberty to point the above out.

But I’m not posting about now, @ElftonWednesday

I am posting about how I feel about my past.

Honestly I spent most of my 20s skinny after having gained a lot during uni and lost it all at 21 and gained weight in my late 20s. Honestly I have been happier when overweight. When I was slim I had a lot of my guy friends fancy me. It caused a lot of drama and I dated a lot of guys I never really felt like I could be myself around and that I constantly walked on egg shells around. Most just wanted to sleep with me and that's it.

I met my now husband when I was at my biggest... A size 22 at the time. I have zero doubts and insecurities about how much he loves me as well as finds my body sexy as hell.

Id like to be skinnier for my own health but if and when I do it it's for my own sake not for someone else.

I think weight is a very emotive issue OP, especially on here - every thread about weight ends up in a bunfight! So you may not gain what you hoped from the thread for that reason.

Not yours! A PPs.

I understand this OP. I’m in my 50s now and feel it’s too late to be slim. I’ve always been overweight but when I look back at pictures of myself as a teenager I was quite pretty (& happy!).

My advice is to move on from dwelling on your past and work on now, though. You can only make changes now. Perhaps you need to talk to someone about appreciating and loving the girl you used to be and are rather than looking upon your past self critically.

Oh I know that @DisappearingGirl but I still feel I am at liberty to point out that I am not posting about now, or asking advice about my weight now, or seeking to ‘make up’ for my youth.

I will keep repeating it and hope someone may understand what I am saying.

I think people are trying to help, and the person telling you they were thin and pretty is just offering the, valid I think, perspective that it may not have been how you imagined if you had been, as its likely you wouldn't have seen yourself that way. Young women's casual confidence as you phrased it, is an elusive thing. Most suffer anxiety about their appearance, if not their weight, then their body shape, face, hair, clothes. Few drift through life secure in the knowledge they are attractive, and when they do, its often down to their character and self esteem rather than their actual looks.

In my younger years I was a head turner. It wasn't always pleasant as I was hassled by men a lot in my teens and 20s, but being good looking, tall and slim also opened a lot of doors that would otherwise have remained closed to me.
Now I'm in my 40s and starting to hit the middle age spread and my face is beginning to look haggard.
It makes me immensely sad to look back at old photos of myself and be reminded of how I was once so fortunate but now have completely lost my looks. So I don't think it really matters what you once looked like or what dress size you were, for some of us it's just the process of ageing which is depressing.

@Cottagepieandpeas

I understand this OP. I’m in my 50s now and feel it’s too late to be slim. I’ve always been overweight but when I look back at pictures of myself as a teenager I was quite pretty (& happy!).

Too late for what? For it to be achievable, or for it to be worth bothering with?

I wish I'd been naturally slim like so many other girls seemed to be when we were teenagers. I managed to be downright skinny in my twenties, but I had to fight tooth and nail with myself. I regret that actually and wish I'd just been a weight that was more natural to me. I'm bigger but not massive now did significantly happier with my body.

But if I could be super slim with minimal effort - yes please!

And*

Well l was thin as a rake, still am in my 50' s but l can tell you for sure being thin is no guarantee for happiness.
At school l was always about two foot taller, or felt it than everyone else so l earnt myself the nickname Olive Oyl, Lanky Lill etc. l was incredibly self conscious , so much so that l used to wear lots of layers and even on the hottest day l wouldn' t bare my arms or legs for fear of being ridiculed. The thin look wasn' t in when l was a teen, it was more curvy, l was and still am incredibly flat chested, and often got told l looked like a boy, which didn' t help my confidence. My boyfriend said it was like laying on a rack of ribs, and l have lost count how many times l have been asked about my eating habits, do l have periods and have l got an eating disorder, which is highly insulting and incredibly hurtful.
l could probably go on and on but l just wanted to show you a different perspective about the joys of being slim when you are young. It took me a very long time to embrace my natural build, l absolutely hated it as a young girl and teenager, l felt a proper ugly duckling.

And actually, re some pps, I have known head turners / absolute stunners who have struggled a lot with ageing. Because that's who they were; the gorgeous one!

In a way, it's more of a blessing to be average looking or not especially attractive, like me

I was tall, slim and blonde in my teens and twenties but never had a very attractive face - there is always something you don't like about your appearance and you would probably have just honed in on something else you didn't like about your appearance, eg I was obsessed with my big nose. Also, feeling that my figure was the only attractive thing about me led to me developing an eating disorder.

I think people are trying to help

Or, perhaps more likely, they wish to inform everybody that they were slim and pretty when younger?

@5128gap I know what @Cottagepieandpeas means and possibly it is something you won’t ‘get’ unless you are in this position. For me, although I am a bit overweight, it’s in control and I am nowhere near as big as I once was, not even close. It’s worth losing weight so that my clothes fit, so that I am healthy and am a good role model to my children.

But realistically I am not losing weight so I can be a skinny, pretty girl on a night out (even though this comes with the price of being hassled by men). That isn’t to say it isn’t worth ‘bothering’ but purely in terms of aesthetics, looks do stop being the primary motivator after a while I suppose. And while that’s quite liberating, when you’ve never experienced it, it’s also quite sad.

I know how you feel OP. The only time I considered myself truly slim was when I was about 17 and a size 8.

In my early 20s I was a size 10-12 and looking back still looked slim but never felt it. But I started working in London after uni and gained weight which I've never lost since. Not massive but I've been a steady size 14 for the past 10 years.

I wish I'd tried harder to maintain a smaller size because now it's so much harder. Weight just used to drop off me when I dieted but now it's much harder to shift.

I'm also pregnant with my first and am worried that this is the start of me just getting bigger and bigger as my mum never lost the weight after she had me and my sister and has always struggled with it since, despite being very slim beforehand. I like to think I'll try and be healthy and lose the lbs after baby is here but I'm not convinced since I haven't even mastered that without a baby wearing me out!

I lost a lot after I had my DS, if that helps

Partly because the little so and so wouldn’t let me put him down for at least six weeks, and also he napped best in the fresh air so we walked miles with the pram

I get you OP and I feel the same. I'm a a healthy weight but I was very unhappy as a teen and obese. I can't stand looking at photos of myself. I also regret the harm I did to my body (loose skin, stretch marks) which will never go away and are a constant reminder

Thanks OP, I am really hoping I'll gradually be able to lose it as my diet day-to-day generally isn't too bad...but that's now when I've got the time to cook :|

I'll just have to try my best and be hopeful!

I know @Cam2020 but can people not see that’s the point? I don’t get to look back and marvel at how slim and attractive I was, because I wasn’t grin And people coming on the thread to tell me that they were is not really where I saw the thread going, if I’m honest.

My point is I don't feel happy looking back, I feel sad.

Oh, and my post wasn't to inform anyone that I was slim when I was younger, but seeing as you seem to want to miss the point entirely, there's no point in expanding

"Or, perhaps more likely, they wish to inform everybody that they were slim and pretty when younger?"

Well I wasn't doing that. I didn't read the other posts that way either. It's not really something to brag about is it? I mean, it it was, you could write that down too, who would know?

I think it's very telling that all of us young women felt shit about our appearance in one way or another, and if it hadn't been fatness, society would have given you something else to loathe yourself for instead.

YABU to judge your worth by your weight.

And even more so to have regrets about a past version of you that no longer exists.

The only way you can move is forwards, so don't waste energy looking back (it doesn't burn calories).