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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave baby alone in the car?

356 replies

irishfarmer · 17/01/2022 11:25

Please don't slate me for this!

I am currently pregnant with DC no 1. Is it safe/ normal to leave a baby alone in a car while going into the shop? Not for long, e.g. if you have filled with car with diesel and are going into pay? Or you've stopped at the local shop to go in for milk and bread, baby is asleep and you won't be longer than 5 mins. I'm not talking about stopping off at the shopping centre and going in for an hour.

My DH said he doesn't think so. I said yes. I minded nieces/ nephews all my life and when I learnt to drive I often had to bring them places. I remember leaving them in the car, really at any age to go into the shop for 2 mins. The car was locked and this was over 10 years ago so things might have changed. In fact I remember them being left outside in cars by their own parent if they were asleep when visiting the home house. Granted I grew up in a cul-de-sac which is very quiet and have known all of those neighbours my entire life.

Honestly what is the done thing these days? If it makes a difference I live now outside a small town (approx 1,500 ppl) it is a farming/ agricultural community.

OP posts:
BigMoan · 17/01/2022 13:58

I’ve had a situation recently - I’d love to know what people think? School car park is right next to school gate where children are seen out by teacher. I can see car, and pick up DD. I have eyesight of car - and am never away from car for say -more than 30seconds. Any longer and I just go and stand next to car until I see teacher. Car park is horrendously busy, and DS always sleeps when I go to pick up DD,
so rather than wake him, and carry him across busy car park with cars moving everywhere - I nip out, get DD when I see teacher. It takes usually about 30seconds or less.
Sleeping DS is 2 and a half.

I had a Mum yell at me for leaving DS in car, really yell, really aggressive.

I wouldn’t have used the car park, but we moved house about a year ago - and now live about 8 miles away. I now ask DD to walk part of the way home (Year 6) and we have a meeting point away from car park.

pradavilla · 17/01/2022 13:59

Don't think I did it with young baby. But maybe wld it cld see car and be a couple of mins max.

I did it recently with my 2 almost 5 and 2. I try not to of course. So I usually go to pay at pump petrol stations etc. Just very occasionally I'll run in to local shop as in park alright outside it (off-road parking) and I'll be in and out in about 2mins.

addictedtotheflats · 17/01/2022 14:00

I dont when nipping in to get food but to pay for petrol yes as I can see him from inside

Focus126 · 17/01/2022 14:01

I would never leave my baby in the car, unless there was absolutely no other choice. But these days there usually are choices.

Hugoslavia · 17/01/2022 14:03

I think people do in petrol stations as I guess you can see them. I did it a couple of times in absolute emergencies when I could keep my car in view at all times, there was no queue at all and my car was only a few meters away and I could spring out if needed. On the whole these circumstances hardly ever arose where I felt like I could do a 60 second dash and it was never worth the stress tbh.

AsYouWishButtercup · 17/01/2022 14:04

I do it, everyone I know does it. I think the unspoken rule is - can you see them from the shop? If yes then it’s fine. Quite often it’s safer to leave a child in a car than cross a bust forecourt with a wriggly toddler in tow

MarshmallowFondant · 17/01/2022 14:05

This debate comes up every so often, with posters trying to outdo themselves with the most outlandish things which could happen to a child left in a car on a petrol forecourt, within full view of the parent, for 2 minutes. Meteors, spontaneous combustion, out of control HGVs, thieves with crowbars to break into the car, volcanoes, earthquakes.

Whereas it's probably far more likely that grappling a baby in a carrier and a toddler across a forecourt will result in them getting hit by a car.

SemperIdem · 17/01/2022 14:06

Petrol forecourt yes. Actual shop where the car is out of sight, no.

AsYouWishButtercup · 17/01/2022 14:06

And not that I advocate for this because the worlds a different place but some of my favourite memories were in a car in a pub car park with my brother as dad brought us out coke and crisps Grin we weren’t babies though, I am the youngest and can’t have been younger than 9

givememykeys · 17/01/2022 14:07

@HappyMeal564

Nope, someone could crash into the car, someone could steal the car, someone could break a window and take your baby. Just not worth the risk even if you can see them.
@HappyMeal564 which has a high chance of happening - having a crash while actually driving with your child in the car everyday or having a crash while the car is stationary at a petrol pump?

How do you justify driving at all if you consider the vanishing risk of a forecourt crash too high to contemplate?

AsYouWishButtercup · 17/01/2022 14:09

@MarshmallowFondant

This debate comes up every so often, with posters trying to outdo themselves with the most outlandish things which could happen to a child left in a car on a petrol forecourt, within full view of the parent, for 2 minutes. Meteors, spontaneous combustion, out of control HGVs, thieves with crowbars to break into the car, volcanoes, earthquakes.

Whereas it's probably far more likely that grappling a baby in a carrier and a toddler across a forecourt will result in them getting hit by a car.

My favourite was years back when a self-confessed ‘crunchy’ (lol) mum said she would take her 4 children under 4 in. Two twin newborn babies put in the sling at her front, followed by a 1.5 yo in a sling in her back and holding her 4yo’s hand. If she was telling the truth I felt sorry as fuck for the people in the cars behind her waiting for her to faff on with slings and children!
BigMoan · 17/01/2022 14:09

@MarshmallowFondant - this was my reasoning with DS and school car park. He is far more in danger if I take him across car park.

I did read up a bit on it after the lady shouted at me, and I think it said something about the amount of distress/danger to your child - and giving parents a bit of leeway to assess the situation for themselves. I think?? (can’t remember the wording).

Queenoftheashes · 17/01/2022 14:10

@BigMoan that sounds fine to me. If she shouted aggressively I suspect she enjoys being aggressive. If she was truly concerned she’d have surely employed a less hostile approach.

BigMoan · 17/01/2022 14:12

@LadyFannyButton - yes but they are extreme situations, and is your child in more danger when taking them out of the car and walking them across a busy petrol forecourt. Isn’t it about assessing the potential risk?

Lovemusic33 · 17/01/2022 14:12

I always left my dc when paying for fuel, most have pay at pump now so it’s easy not to leave them but that may mean driving further.

Only on MN have I heard of people taking their baby out the car to go pay for fuel.

I never removed mine, took long enough to get them to settle in the car so there was no way I was moving them to pop into the garage to pay for fuel or to buy a pint of milk.

TeddySteady · 17/01/2022 14:13

I would leave my kids for 5 mins in a locked car while I nipped into a small shop. Not longer and I’m talking about a shop a few steps from the parked car, not a supermarket. In my view, they are probably safer there than lugged round a shop. I mean what if a shelf fell on them? Or a madman went on the rampage? That’s how ridiculous some of these ‘what ifs’ are.
Comparing a sleeping baby safely strapped into their seat to leaving 10,000 quid on show is a bit silly. There are plenty of cash thieves about… but I imagine the number of baby thieves, lurking outside a small shop and waiting to smash your window in and steal your child, are vanishingly low.
If the baby wakes and cries? A few short minutes won’t harm them, I think waking them up from sleep to take them into a shop is probably a lot more stressful.

SantaClawsServiette · 17/01/2022 14:13

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Petrol station is probably not brilliant at any age either as someone might drive into the car accidentally
Well they could, but they could equally do it while you were in the car as well, or they could drive into you while you are taking the baby inside to pay.

There is no risk increase involved.

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 17/01/2022 14:13

I either use a pay at pump or take him inside with me. I have left him in the car once and I parked right at the front of the shop and was on the other side of the window. Literally ran in and out and had a rottweiller on the front passenger seat. No way would I leave him in a car at a pump while I went in to pay.

SuperSleepyBaby · 17/01/2022 14:15

I did this all the time with my 4 when they were younger.

At small shops where you pull up outside. Not at a big supermarket where they are out of sight.

Sometimes i might have to get something for dinner and i would have a sleeping 3 year old and 1 year old in the car. No way was i waking then to drag them in to the shop - both having tantrums because they were tired - when i could nip in and out in a few short minutes.

SantaClawsServiette · 17/01/2022 14:16

@BigMoan

I’ve had a situation recently - I’d love to know what people think? School car park is right next to school gate where children are seen out by teacher. I can see car, and pick up DD. I have eyesight of car - and am never away from car for say -more than 30seconds. Any longer and I just go and stand next to car until I see teacher. Car park is horrendously busy, and DS always sleeps when I go to pick up DD, so rather than wake him, and carry him across busy car park with cars moving everywhere - I nip out, get DD when I see teacher. It takes usually about 30seconds or less. Sleeping DS is 2 and a half. I had a Mum yell at me for leaving DS in car, really yell, really aggressive. I wouldn’t have used the car park, but we moved house about a year ago - and now live about 8 miles away. I now ask DD to walk part of the way home (Year 6) and we have a meeting point away from car park.
It makes way more sense to leave him in the car. Toddlers are often in more danger in a parking lot, even holding a parents hand some craft ones can give you the slip.

Some parents are just really a bit crazy, I say a mum given a bollocking by another mum because she left her baby in the car while she put the trolly in the corral.

HappyMeal564 · 17/01/2022 14:17

@givememykeys I am with my child in the car. I understand there is a risk of a crash while I'm driving.

I do not want to watch my child in a car accident from a shop or across a forecourt when I could have taken them with me. Nor do I want to watch someone taking them when I could have taken them with me. It's highly unlikely but it does happen.

BigMoan · 17/01/2022 14:17

@Queenoftheashes - yes she was definitely aggressive. I shouted back, something snapped in me - and I pointed out how dangerous the car park is. It really shook me up! I felt like my mothering skills were being questioned! Only thing is - I’m assessing the ‘potential danger’ of DD walking part way home, and us missing each other for any reason. She knows to walk back to school if she can’t see me. And if I was going to look for ‘extreme’ examples - I’d never let her walk anywhere alone!! I do think it definitely about balancing risk.

feedthepeony · 17/01/2022 14:18

@ComDummings

Paying for petrol is fine as it’s more dangerous and time consuming to get a baby out on a busy forecourt. Plus you can see your car at all times in most petrol stations. Going into shops absolutely not Ok.
This!!! I saw a mum trying to carry a toddler age kid and a 4\5 year old boy being dragged across a busy petrol station forecourt. Much more dangerous and risky than leaving them in the car for 2 minutes when you can go in and pay and see the car at all times. I don't understand why people unstrap and take kids through a petrol forecourt.

But shops an absolute no no. Not a chance. The car has to be in full view at all times.

EgSk · 17/01/2022 14:19

No I don’t…. but I live in London 😒