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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave baby alone in the car?

356 replies

irishfarmer · 17/01/2022 11:25

Please don't slate me for this!

I am currently pregnant with DC no 1. Is it safe/ normal to leave a baby alone in a car while going into the shop? Not for long, e.g. if you have filled with car with diesel and are going into pay? Or you've stopped at the local shop to go in for milk and bread, baby is asleep and you won't be longer than 5 mins. I'm not talking about stopping off at the shopping centre and going in for an hour.

My DH said he doesn't think so. I said yes. I minded nieces/ nephews all my life and when I learnt to drive I often had to bring them places. I remember leaving them in the car, really at any age to go into the shop for 2 mins. The car was locked and this was over 10 years ago so things might have changed. In fact I remember them being left outside in cars by their own parent if they were asleep when visiting the home house. Granted I grew up in a cul-de-sac which is very quiet and have known all of those neighbours my entire life.

Honestly what is the done thing these days? If it makes a difference I live now outside a small town (approx 1,500 ppl) it is a farming/ agricultural community.

OP posts:
FriedasCarLoad · 17/01/2022 13:18

I've done this - at the village shop I often drive past, I can see the car from most points in the shop, including the tills and any queue. I wouldn't do this with someone else's children, but happily with mine.

I've always left them in the car at petrol stations. And I'd do so with other people's children, too. There isn't pay at the pump at my nearest two petrol stations, and I've never seen anyone take a baby or child in with them.

Disneyblueeyes · 17/01/2022 13:18

I think mumsnet mums never would.
In reality I think way more parents do this than people realise.

I do it in a petrol station, and if I'm popping into a shop where the car is literally parked outside the door.
I also do it when returning a trolley.

TheFishWillSeeYouNow · 17/01/2022 13:19

I'm an extremely laid back parent but would not leave DC in the car ever, even to pay for fuel or buy milk when I could see them from the shop. It's so easy to bring them with you and just not worth the risk of someone grabbing them.

Yes, I was left alone in the car as a child but lots of things have changed for the better, safety-wise, since the 80s.

Grida · 17/01/2022 13:19

Your baby is at more risk of having an accident if you carry them across the forecourt into the petrol station, than if you leave them in the car. I’m sure this is frequently used as an example of how humans aren’t very good at assessing risk. Presumably our instinct to keep our baby close to us is stronger than our ability to reason.

MimiDaisy11 · 17/01/2022 13:20

*So… the child was fine, and was reunited with the mother because people came together as a society to help.

In other words, small risk was realised, and the outcome was still OK*

Do you think the mother viewed it as a small risk and do you think she did it again after that fright?

-----

I think society is much more protective now than in the past. I'm always amazed to hear about how my gran's generation used to leave their babies out in the prams in the garden while they did housework etc. Or even outside shops on the pavement when they went inside!

My mum also left me in the car when going into the petrol station when I was a toddler. I apparently locked myself in and she couldn't get back in the car. She had to get someone to help open the car.

Fridafever · 17/01/2022 13:26

Your baby is at more risk of having an accident if you carry them across the forecourt into the petrol station, than if you leave them in the car. I’m sure this is frequently used as an example of how humans aren’t very good at assessing risk. Presumably our instinct to keep our baby close to us is stronger than our ability to reason.

This is true I’m sure and of course also applies to the relative danger of leaving a baby in a cot they can’t get out of in an empty house against driving them to the supermarket and home again.

We definitely don’t asses the safest thing to do in all events, we instinctively keep babies with us and we are hugely influenced by what is culturally acceptable.

ZooKeeper19 · 17/01/2022 13:28

I have 2 (2,5 and nearly 1). And there have been times when I drove somewhere and they both fell asleep - and yes I left them in the car. Windows slightly open and outside (I am aware indoor parking is a bit more dangerous). But rather than waking 2 children and then try and get them to join, I opted to go for a few minutes and came back without any drama.

Warblerinwinter · 17/01/2022 13:28

@lechatnoir

Petrol forecourt when I could see the car at all times - yes. Local shop where you can't see once you're inside & typically take longer - no.
Ok, I’m not saying I disagree, but it is really strange isn’t it that when I was a baby in 60s mother left their babies in their big Prams outside all shops (mainly as they’re weren’t many supermarkets in more rural areas and most shops were small ). No one would have raised an eyebrow. Probably raised more eyebrows trying to get a pram in. We know rates of stranger abduction have not changed . We just hear more about it these days. We know that babies risk in prams is low - and actually lower these days as instructions of lying babies on backs and not overheating etc, and not leaving them with bottles. It is, in my opinion, more driven by social norms- what would people say about me if something happened like baby began to cry? We’ve got ourselves into that situation although actual risk has not increased.
Couldntrememberthewordbasket · 17/01/2022 13:29

Only at the petrol station as the pay desk is so close and I can see the car. I lock the car doors and rush in as quickly as possible. Anywhere else, never.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/01/2022 13:29

I’m happy to leave in car while pay for petrol at garage as I can see car at all times

I wouldn’t ever leave outside and go in a shop and not see the car

GalacticGoddess · 17/01/2022 13:31

Nope.
Imagine if something happens such as coming back to the car and it's not unlocking properly - technology is temperamental. (Or something worse such as someone ploughing into the back of the car - which I have seen happen 3 times at a petrol station!!!!)

If I had to get petrol I did a drive through payment.

Warblerinwinter · 17/01/2022 13:37

@mam0918

leaving a baby in a car is a crime... you can't know it's only 5 minutes, anything could happen and the fact you think it ok to park up and leave them to sleep while you go watch tv or have a cuppa is shocking.

People do do it at petrol stations but you aren't supposed to, the thing is petrol stations are usually glass-windowed with full view of the car and only meters away (more akin to popping to the pay and display machine a few meters away than a shop, I don't know any show set out like that) but pay at the pump stations are wiser if you have a baby and can get to one.

Leaving a baby in a car with a responsible older sibling might be more of a grey area (when I was 10 and my baby sibling was a newborn my parents did to pop into somewhere for a few minutes - I could get out of the car by unlocking it from the inside and despite being the mid 90s I had a mobile phones specifically for it). I guess it depends on what happens and how child endangerment laws would judge it.

You can't even leave dogs outside in cars and you genuinely think its ok to leave a baby... cul-de-sac or not wont save you from heat stroke or hypothermia (most common reason kids die when left to sleep in cars), car-jacking/kidnapping (more common that you expect), fire, SIDs (you are not supposed to let babies sleep in carseats, you certainly arent suppose to leave the unattended in something proven unsafe to sleep in), a crash (people hit stationary cars) and a whole bunch of other things.

🤣you might also like to include in your risk assessment and mitigation plan the risk of a car hitting you as it pulls out whilst carrying your baby into the petrol station kiosk. And the risk of you tripping over while carrying your baby. Or the risk of you falling down the stairs when carrying your baby downstairs each time. Or the risk of cot death in home in their safe space next to your bed. And no the risk of kidnapping in uk is not more common than you think. It is way lower than most even reasonable people think. It is extremely rare. Far far rarer than you falling down the stairs. Read mumsnet post every time a guilt stricken mother drops her baby in the home. Now that is common. And buy the replies are full of stories of other mums doing it, or stories of peoples own childhood being dropped, or siblings being dropped. Start doing sensible and real risk assessment based on actual data .
Warblerinwinter · 17/01/2022 13:38

@GalacticGoddess

Nope. Imagine if something happens such as coming back to the car and it's not unlocking properly - technology is temperamental. (Or something worse such as someone ploughing into the back of the car - which I have seen happen 3 times at a petrol station!!!!)

If I had to get petrol I did a drive through payment.

You do know all keys allow you to also manually unlock the car if the technology fails- might want to check that out baby or no baby🙄
bluesky45 · 17/01/2022 13:39

Petrol station, yes definitely. Riskier to try to take my kids across the forecourt and getting 2 kids in and out the car.
Same for little local shop. We have a village shop with 4 parking spaces out front. If I've parked in a parking space and I'm nipping in for a drink, milk or whatever, yes I leave them in the car. Only if I'm getting one or 2 items, otherwise I feel I will be too long. Getting 2 DC out of the car and back in again is much riskier. And I can see the car from the shop the whole time too, due to the way it is laid out.
And people saying "what if someone drove into your car?" Well they could drive into your car when you are doing pay at pump. It doesn't make it less likely to happen because you are in or near the car.
I've never ever seen DC or a baby in a car seat in the petrol station so people must be doing this all the time.

FTEngineerM · 17/01/2022 13:39

It’s not really about the baby being in the car whilst there was an accident, it is way MORE likely they’ll have an accident with you driving the thing!

It’s about people knowing that I have a baby in the car if something were to happen to me. Far fetched maybe but.. if I fall and smash my head and get taken to a & e in the local shop nobody will check my car, anyone walking past will just assume the parent will be back in a second if they see a screaming baby in a car.

So my baby could be screaming overheating in their car seat for hours.

namechangetheworld · 17/01/2022 13:40

I never left either of mine in the car, even at petrol stations. I was always worried about the (admittedly miniscule) risk of someone trying to steal the car. And I don't even have a particularly posh car!

Mirw · 17/01/2022 13:44

Why would you take any child out of the car to pay at a garage? If your car is parked on the main road, I can see why you would take your child into a shop. Even in a small place...

godmum56 · 17/01/2022 13:45

Even on the petrol forecourt, things can go wrong....

Hellolittlestar · 17/01/2022 13:45

NO. Not ok, ever.

londonrach · 17/01/2022 13:49

No it's not. You might just be ok at a petrol station but I use the pay at the pump. I don't know anyone who leaves their baby in the car to go shopping. Yabu

Focus126 · 17/01/2022 13:49

@FTEngineerM

It’s not really about the baby being in the car whilst there was an accident, it is way MORE likely they’ll have an accident with you driving the thing!

It’s about people knowing that I have a baby in the car if something were to happen to me. Far fetched maybe but.. if I fall and smash my head and get taken to a & e in the local shop nobody will check my car, anyone walking past will just assume the parent will be back in a second if they see a screaming baby in a car.

So my baby could be screaming overheating in their car seat for hours.

This is a very good point.
MaudieandMe · 17/01/2022 13:49

Yes, I would and have done it but I live rurally in an area with a very low crime rate.

Usually when DS was fast asleep in his car seat, it was easier to leave him in it and nip into the shop for a few bits.

Focus126 · 17/01/2022 13:50

My rule of thumb is if I can see the car at all times, then it's fine. Else, I'd take DD with me.

So if you see someone got into your car and is driving away with your baby in the backseat, what are you gonna do? Run after it?

Beowulfthethird · 17/01/2022 13:52

I would for petrol but you can pay at the pump. I wouldn't go into a shop unless it was dire need, for one thing, and the temp was cool.

mindutopia · 17/01/2022 13:54

I've always left mine in the car going in to pay for fuel or if I am popping into the village shop (car is literally parked in front of the massive window and I am literally in the shop like 5 feet away on other side of the window). I wouldn't if I was going into Tesco - but then again in the 80s, my mum did her full shop every week leaving me in the car. Once someone actually hit her car in the car park and I had to sit there chatting with them for like 20 minutes until she came back!

I am generally quite a cautious person when it comes to my dc, but I think the risk of any harm coming to them is statistically greater with me trying to get them out of the car on a narrow road and getting hit than it is if they are happily sleeping in the car where I can see them for 3 minutes.