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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave baby alone in the car?

356 replies

irishfarmer · 17/01/2022 11:25

Please don't slate me for this!

I am currently pregnant with DC no 1. Is it safe/ normal to leave a baby alone in a car while going into the shop? Not for long, e.g. if you have filled with car with diesel and are going into pay? Or you've stopped at the local shop to go in for milk and bread, baby is asleep and you won't be longer than 5 mins. I'm not talking about stopping off at the shopping centre and going in for an hour.

My DH said he doesn't think so. I said yes. I minded nieces/ nephews all my life and when I learnt to drive I often had to bring them places. I remember leaving them in the car, really at any age to go into the shop for 2 mins. The car was locked and this was over 10 years ago so things might have changed. In fact I remember them being left outside in cars by their own parent if they were asleep when visiting the home house. Granted I grew up in a cul-de-sac which is very quiet and have known all of those neighbours my entire life.

Honestly what is the done thing these days? If it makes a difference I live now outside a small town (approx 1,500 ppl) it is a farming/ agricultural community.

OP posts:
StarsAreWishes · 17/01/2022 12:58

@SchadenfreudePersonified

NO!

We cam out of Asda once to find a toddler (about 15 months) staggering around the car park.

I stayed with him while DH fetched security, who took him into the shop.

A couple of minutes later as we were taking the trolley to the trolley park we noticed a frantic woman crying and searching between cars. I asked if she was looking for a toddler and she said "Yes" so i told her what had happened. She'd left him for a "few minutes", and he had woken up and managed to escape his seat and get out of the car through the window she's left open (!) so he could breathe.

Please don't leave your baby.

So… the child was fine, and was reunited with the mother because people came together as a society to help.

In other words, small risk was realised, and the outcome was still OK.

mam0918 · 17/01/2022 12:58

leaving a baby in a car is a crime... you can't know it's only 5 minutes, anything could happen and the fact you think it ok to park up and leave them to sleep while you go watch tv or have a cuppa is shocking.

People do do it at petrol stations but you aren't supposed to, the thing is petrol stations are usually glass-windowed with full view of the car and only meters away (more akin to popping to the pay and display machine a few meters away than a shop, I don't know any show set out like that) but pay at the pump stations are wiser if you have a baby and can get to one.

Leaving a baby in a car with a responsible older sibling might be more of a grey area (when I was 10 and my baby sibling was a newborn my parents did to pop into somewhere for a few minutes - I could get out of the car by unlocking it from the inside and despite being the mid 90s I had a mobile phones specifically for it). I guess it depends on what happens and how child endangerment laws would judge it.

You can't even leave dogs outside in cars and you genuinely think its ok to leave a baby... cul-de-sac or not wont save you from heat stroke or hypothermia (most common reason kids die when left to sleep in cars), car-jacking/kidnapping (more common that you expect), fire, SIDs (you are not supposed to let babies sleep in carseats, you certainly arent suppose to leave the unattended in something proven unsafe to sleep in), a crash (people hit stationary cars) and a whole bunch of other things.

Mommabear20 · 17/01/2022 12:58

Absolutely not! Even at a petrol station, I'd rather watch someone steal my car while I hold a potentially screaming baby, than to watch someone steal my car with my precious baby inside just because it's more convenient. Yes the chances are slim, but it's a chance and one I'm not willing to take.

thisplaceisweird · 17/01/2022 12:59

I mean, lots of things happen once in a blue moon, do you rearrange your entire life because of it?

---No - but you avoid the unnecessary ones that could have horribly tragic consequences!

Exactly. Knowing that something terrible COULD happen, why take the risk when it's your baby?

gogohm · 17/01/2022 13:00

@BoredZelda

Dsd is 25 and cannot be left alone, i certainly understand (for full disclosure she now lives with 24 hour care including night monitoring so I'm not having this issue now, we fill up before we pick her up) My dd has asd and was a complete escape artist, but I found it easier to walk to the shops (thankfully only 15 mins) with her secured with 2 harnesses into the buggy, once she was 5 I just shopped when she was at school or got stared at because she had reins (she did develop out of running off thankfully)

Sleepyquest · 17/01/2022 13:02

Nope never have and never would! Use pay at pump.

HappyMeal564 · 17/01/2022 13:02

Nope, someone could crash into the car, someone could steal the car, someone could break a window and take your baby. Just not worth the risk even if you can see them.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 17/01/2022 13:04

I might have done until a friend had her car stolen off the forecourt while she paid for petrol. Now wouldn’t dream of it.

Hemingwayzcatz · 17/01/2022 13:04

Petrol station is normal although most pay at the pump now so no need to leave them. Not a shop though.

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 17/01/2022 13:06

@StarsAreWishes
“So… the child was fine, and was reunited with the mother because people came together as a society to help.

In other words, small risk was realised, and the outcome was still OK.”

I can’t decide whether this post makes me think you are still wet behind the ears int eels do altruism / sheet naivety or you are just being provocative and pretending to be ignorant as to the range of life changing possibilities a scenario like this presents.

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 17/01/2022 13:06

*in terms of not in eels Confused

shivawn · 17/01/2022 13:07

No, its never ever okay in my opinion. I'm uncomfortable enough with him sleeping in the car seat as it is.

I think you might find this less acceptable once your beautiful baby is born. While pregnant there was a lot of stuff I thought I'd be more blasé about (e.g leaving him with parents while very young) but my feelings changed once he was born.

mam0918 · 17/01/2022 13:07

[quote Mummyoflittledragon]@Judith0000
I think in the past 20 years there has been a lot more awareness of what could go wrong, partly fuelled by the wealth of information on the internet and a great deal of safeguarding practices and laws. I remember cars with no seatbelts for example.[/quote]
This, only 25 years ago our car didn't have rear seatbelts in the car we bought as it was 4 years old and pre-dated the modern seat belt laws so by law it only required a driver's seatbelt... we had to have after-market ones specifically fitted.

Imagine driving around now with your kids in the back and no seatbelts - it doesn't mean we are 'snowflakes' now it means we aren't reckless morons anymore and laws caught up with common sense.

Catrice · 17/01/2022 13:08

Personally, no I wouldn't and haven't but provided there was no obvious danger I wouldn't judge those that do. I'm just an over anxious parent (and wish I wasn't!)

Grumpyosaurus · 17/01/2022 13:08

Petrol station definitely, village shop where I could see out of the window definitely.

Going properly out of sight, no.

shivawn · 17/01/2022 13:09

@DebbieHarrysCheekbones "or you are just being provocative and pretending to be ignorant" I think you've summed it up there.

Legoninjago1 · 17/01/2022 13:09

Kids yes. Small babies no.

Alayalaya · 17/01/2022 13:10

Reminds me of the woman who popped in somewhere for a second and her handbrake failed. The car rolled into the canal and the baby drowned. I’ve never left my child unsupervised. Maybe a petrol station where I can see the car, but definitely not a shop.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/01/2022 13:11

So… the child was fine, and was reunited with the mother because people came together as a society to help.

In other words, small risk was realised, and the outcome was still OK.

And if we hadn't spotted him? If a car had backed out over him, or someone predatory had seen and snatched him?

Would that still have been worth the "small risk"?

Chanel05 · 17/01/2022 13:11

Nope. I wouldn't. Not to pay at the petrol station either. I do pay at pump or she comes in with me.

Whatwillbetheendofus · 17/01/2022 13:12

The only place I leave mine sometimes is when going into the post office, but on the occasions I can park right outside. The front is all glass so I can see the car at all times.

2bazookas · 17/01/2022 13:13

No, never. Don't do this.

Someone could drive into your car, break in to it; you could be delayed in shop.

Riapia · 17/01/2022 13:14

So the consensus is that it’s safer to leave a child surrounded by highly inflammable fuel than outside the local newsagents.

StarsAreWishes · 17/01/2022 13:14

[quote DebbieHarrysCheekbones]@StarsAreWishes
“So… the child was fine, and was reunited with the mother because people came together as a society to help.

In other words, small risk was realised, and the outcome was still OK.”

I can’t decide whether this post makes me think you are still wet behind the ears int eels do altruism / sheet naivety or you are just being provocative and pretending to be ignorant as to the range of life changing possibilities a scenario like this presents.[/quote]
My point was that even if something happens it is hardly ever the worst case scenario that people jump to.

The child escaped from the car. That’s awful. No one would want that to happen. It’s probably a one in a thousand scenario. But the child was still fine. However, people who are over-anxious jump straight to the worst case, one in a million scenario of something happening to the child (hit by a car, abducted etc). That scenario is even less likely than the (still bad) scenario where the child was still absolutely fine.

WouldBeGood · 17/01/2022 13:15

I would and have many times. They’re grown up now.

Wouldn’t have when they were able to escape from car seat, but did when babies if it’s quick grab .