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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave baby alone in the car?

356 replies

irishfarmer · 17/01/2022 11:25

Please don't slate me for this!

I am currently pregnant with DC no 1. Is it safe/ normal to leave a baby alone in a car while going into the shop? Not for long, e.g. if you have filled with car with diesel and are going into pay? Or you've stopped at the local shop to go in for milk and bread, baby is asleep and you won't be longer than 5 mins. I'm not talking about stopping off at the shopping centre and going in for an hour.

My DH said he doesn't think so. I said yes. I minded nieces/ nephews all my life and when I learnt to drive I often had to bring them places. I remember leaving them in the car, really at any age to go into the shop for 2 mins. The car was locked and this was over 10 years ago so things might have changed. In fact I remember them being left outside in cars by their own parent if they were asleep when visiting the home house. Granted I grew up in a cul-de-sac which is very quiet and have known all of those neighbours my entire life.

Honestly what is the done thing these days? If it makes a difference I live now outside a small town (approx 1,500 ppl) it is a farming/ agricultural community.

OP posts:
Sweetleftfood · 17/01/2022 14:48

No of course it's not! Petrol yes, shop no, I guess it depends where you live but no not worth it

Andtwomakesix · 17/01/2022 14:49

I think when baby arrives you will feel different about leaving them. When my twins were newborns and I had to drop my eldest off at dancing I used to panic jumping out the car and walking her to the main door of the dance school while babies slept in car even when their big brothrr whos 7 was with them. Now they are older (18 months) I worry less but I still sit in the car until the last minute so no waiting outside then run to the door with her and run back. I hate the thought of something, anything happening while I'm away from them.

Nevermakeit · 17/01/2022 14:50

@lechatnoir

Petrol forecourt when I could see the car at all times - yes. Local shop where you can't see once you're inside & typically take longer - no.
This for me. I need to see car at all times.
givememykeys · 17/01/2022 14:52

@Dreamingof3

I wouldn't do it in any situation. If i couldn't pay at pump I'd take baby in with me. In theory if you can see them the whole time and it's for 2 minutes it should be fine. But my mind goes to the worst. What if they're.crying for you and the person in front takes ages and you're 10 minutes not 2. What if someone got into your car...would you get there quick enough? What if God forbid someone crashed into the car...all unlikely but for me it isn't worth the risk
what if someone crashed into your car while you were driving @Dreamingof3?

I've asked three posters now but none can explain how they are happy to take the risk of actually driving with a baby in the car where we all know accidents happen every minute of the day but not the risk of a way, way less common collision involving a stationary vehicle at a petrol pump.

How do you rationalise that, can you explain your reasoning?

StarsAreWishes · 17/01/2022 14:53

@Getyourjinglebellsinarow

I either use a pay at pump or take him inside with me. I have left him in the car once and I parked right at the front of the shop and was on the other side of the window. Literally ran in and out and had a rottweiller on the front passenger seat. No way would I leave him in a car at a pump while I went in to pay.
I realise this is off topic @Getyourjinglebellsinarow but I am absolutely fascinated to hear more on how a rogue rottweiler managed to break into your car! I presume the owner wasn’t with the dog? How did it open the door?
TeenyQueen · 17/01/2022 14:54

I would only leave a baby in a car if I was paying for petrol. I choose small petrol stations that are small, not busy and I park right in front of the kiosk if I can. Paying at the pump is the other option.

venusmay · 17/01/2022 14:54

Used to leave my dcs in the car when I went for petrol and local shop if I could see the car. Sometimes getting them out in such a busy place is more of a risk if you're only going in for two minutes!

Dreamingof3 · 17/01/2022 14:58

@givememykeys

They have 🤣
Seriously though I think its that I would see that as unavoidable, I couldn't have done anything differently whereas the guilt I'd feel if it happened whilst I left them in the car 🤷‍♀️ I think it's control? If they're with me I can control the risks to a certain degree...I think?!
*I never claimed to be rational 🤭

firstimemamma · 17/01/2022 15:00

I would never leave a child alone in a car or anywhere ever.

RoseMartha · 17/01/2022 15:01

Yes for petrol
No for shopping

justanoldhack · 17/01/2022 15:03

No I absolutely would not do this. Even if you can see the car... How is that going to help if something happens? It only takes a second.

You might feel differently when the baby comes

StarsAreWishes · 17/01/2022 15:04

@firstimemamma

I would never leave a child alone in a car or anywhere ever.
I think you’ll find that by the time you change your username to secondtimemama you might risk assess a little differently. (Particularly by the time they are 15)
PrincessNutella · 17/01/2022 15:04

Two things.

  1. It's a shame UK doesn't let you pay for your petrol at the pump. In the US, you can pay by credit card right on the machine. Or, in New Jersey and Oregon, someone will pump your gas for you. Heaven!
  1. Do not, do not, do not leave your baby in a car when you go into a shop! Don't be that mother! Don't be that father! Maybe it would be less dangerous if everyone did it. But you will really be the only one. It's not a thing people do. You will be an outlier and you will be judged. And it really is not safe. Little kids do dangerous things fast. And dangerous things can be done to them fast.
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/01/2022 15:06

1.it's a shame UK doesn't let you pay for your petrol at the pump

They do.

But it's not in all stations.

AsYouWishButtercup · 17/01/2022 15:06

@justanoldhack

No I absolutely would not do this. Even if you can see the car... How is that going to help if something happens? It only takes a second.

You might feel differently when the baby comes

How do you even venture out the house with that attitude though? You’re far, far more likely to have a car crash so why even bother driving?
AsYouWishButtercup · 17/01/2022 15:10

@PrincessNutella

Two things.
  1. It's a shame UK doesn't let you pay for your petrol at the pump. In the US, you can pay by credit card right on the machine. Or, in New Jersey and Oregon, someone will pump your gas for you. Heaven!
  1. Do not, do not, do not leave your baby in a car when you go into a shop! Don't be that mother! Don't be that father! Maybe it would be less dangerous if everyone did it. But you will really be the only one. It's not a thing people do. You will be an outlier and you will be judged. And it really is not safe. Little kids do dangerous things fast. And dangerous things can be done to them fast.
  • They do
  • Some of us genuinely couldn’t give two fucks about being judged by perfect parents - and I agree that little kids do things fast. Such as slipping your hand in a busy forecourt. Which is why I’ve always left mine in the car
    • Jk987 · 17/01/2022 15:11

    @caz198917

    I actually can't believe you think it's acceptable to go into a shop where a child is unsupervised. I would be absolutely livid if I found out you had done that with my child. Petrol forecourt maybe as you can see the car at all times but not a shop
    OP asked for no judgement. She's about to be a first time Mum. She will be just as good and loving and caring as every other Mum on here.
    Cam2020 · 17/01/2022 15:14

    No, never. Not even a petrol station, I'd use pay at pump.

    SnoopyLovesLucy · 17/01/2022 15:16

    Fill your car up when you don't have your child in it.

    It's very, very rare but I have seen a car burst into flames when the driver was in a shop. In a town where I lived.

    AsYouWishButtercup · 17/01/2022 15:18

    @SnoopyLovesLucy

    Fill your car up when you don't have your child in it.

    It's very, very rare but I have seen a car burst into flames when the driver was in a shop. In a town where I lived.

    I’ve seen about a dozen car crashes but people still drive their kids about every day.

    Also what if you need petroleum when your child is in the car? Or what if they’re always with you, such as single parents of newborns?

    DailyMailHater · 17/01/2022 15:21

    I tend to use pay at pump to avoid having to do it at petrol stations and I would never leave a baby alone in car when going in to get milk / bread etc where I couldn’t see car

    RowanAlong · 17/01/2022 15:25

    If they’re sleeping and you can park where you can see them from the shop, I’d say it’s ok for a few mins to get petrol. Only other place I’ve done it is to pop into a very rural farm shop when dc were asleep - literally no one there but us, no staff just honesty box etc.

    Socialcarenope · 17/01/2022 15:27

    @Lazypuppy

    Petrol station is normal, most parents leave kids in cars. Shopping definitely not
    Yup, this.
    SnoopyLovesLucy · 17/01/2022 15:28

    I’ve seen about a dozen car crashes but people still drive their kids about every day. Also what if you need petroleum when your child is in the car? Or what if they’re always with you, such as single parents of newborns?

    @AsYouWishButtercup Does it really need spelling out?

    Car crashes are accidents. There will be an adult in the car too.
    Leaving your child alone in the car is a choice.
    And you organise yourself so that you fill up when your baby is not with you. Most cars can take enough fuel for 350 miles.

    And if you can't ever be in the car alone to fill it up, you take your child in with you when you pay or pay at a pump. But it's highly unlikely that a parent, even a single one, will never either have an adult passenger in the car, or leave their baby with someone else for a short amount of time.

    I am shocked you can't see the difference or that you appear to defend leaving a child alone.

    Socialcarenope · 17/01/2022 15:29

    @firstimemamma

    I would never leave a child alone in a car or anywhere ever.
    So you never leave them in their cot whilst you have a poo?
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